


Please, Don’t Leave Me (Levi x Depressed! Eren) (Book 2/3)

by Satanstrash_666



Series: The ‘My Brat’ Series [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, erejean - Freeform, ereri, marcojean - Freeform, riren - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-26
Updated: 2019-07-29
Packaged: 2020-07-20 03:33:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 29
Words: 52,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19985398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Satanstrash_666/pseuds/Satanstrash_666
Summary: This is book two of 'My Brat' so I would recommend reading that one before this oneEren and Levi graduated high school. He and Levi are going to the same college, and meet some new friends on the way, but also meet some old friends from high school. Eren starts changing for the worst. Throughout the years they have many many fights. Will they end up broken up or stay together?Good description? I think maybe.Levi is ooc a lot ngl





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This book as a lot of triggering things that will trigger suicide thoughts and etc. Please read with caution.

**(Eren's pov)**

It’s been two months since Levi and I have last seen each other. I can't even remember what we had even fought about. It was probably some petty fight about becoming friends with Jean again, although that was all the way when we graduated high school. That was 8 months ago, and I couldn't believe that he had still gotten mad about that. Either way, it didn't matter now. It's over between us.

I hadn't forgotten about Levi at all. Not one single day passed where I didn't think about him and how much I regret being away from him for so long. Levi stayed with Kenny and I went over with Mikasa. I had walked out of the fight and Levi looked distressed and called out to me. I did nothing but angrily growl at him that was partly full of sadness and partly full of fear, but I didn't hear it. I had pride blocking my ears as I kept walking.

Hanji had recently invited us to a party, and it was a party for her and Erwin's wedding. You may be thinking, _"Isn't it kind of weird for students to be going to their ex-teachers wedding party?"_ And I would say so, except that Hanji and Erwin got exceptionally close with us. Although I know she's also trying to plan some secret plan to go along with the wedding, I needed to forget and move on, or at least somewhat make up with him to get all of this guilt off of my chest. 

I put on my tight black suit that hugs my body nicely and shows my 'man curves', as what Levi would call them. I‘m wearing a nice white dress shirt under it and I tie my tie before putting on my dress shoes. It ‘s supposed to be a fancy party anyway. I wear the key necklace that Levi got me got our 'practically sixth-month anniversary' present, only a few weeks before we broke up.

I grab my car keys as Mikasa comes out into the living room. She’s wearing a tight black dress that fit snugly against the curves and slowly loosens at the bottom and stops at shin length. It‘s strapless but had loose straps that fell off of her shoulder blades. She has silver heels and wears a golden necklace that she’s worn ever since I bought it for her birthday. She picks up the purse and we walk to my car and drove to the party.

Arriving there has no problems and Mikasa seems to be fine with just a loose and dark blue jean jacket. But having to stand these fancy people and their weird acting is the big problem. The other problem was, Erwin's side of the family are the ones holding the party for them. Mikasa and I recognize many people, but the bad outweighs the good and the sea floods the river. The clicking of peoples' shoes and overbearing talk fills the hall of the grand house.

I spot Levi and I gulp and slightly blush. He looks sexy in his tight black suit with his hair slicked back with hair gel to reveal his beautiful steel blue eyes. He‘s talking with Erwin and Levi locks eyes with me and I immediately turns my attention to somewhere else and I smile when I see Jean and Marco.

Jean and I have been good friends ever since we made up before high school graduation. It‘s been a month since I have last seen him, but it‘s nice to finally get the chance to talk to him. The both of us talk until the subject of Levi and me gets brought up, "What's up with you and Levi? Any luck?" He asks, his face uncomfortably leaning forward, even with Marco right next to him. I shake my head slightly after leaning back.

"No, not yet. I want to apologize tonight, though. Even if we don't get back together, I still want to apologize," I counter with a glum aura emitting from my body. 

"Aw~ Don't be so hard on yourself, Eren," He smirks sarcastically and I roll my eyes.

"Shut up, Jean," Even if I‘m good friends with him, regardless who is around him or who he's with, he would always be a flirty, tryhard, asshole, "Anyway...I'm going to go check out the house. Don't wait up for me," I smile as I leave him and Marco. 

I’m heading towards the corridor I had recently seen Levi walk into. I tale the chance to go meet him alone and to go apologize. I am feeling slightly nervous as I swallow my fears and open the door that I had seen Levi gingerly walk into. I soften my gaze when I see that he‘s sitting on a black bench with a grand piano under his fingertips. His stare is attached to the keys and I slowly make my way behind him. “Hi," I say.

"Hi," Levi replies.

The silence is deafening and I fe the awkwardness and I know Levi can feel it, too. "I'm sorry," I start again. It comes out soft and pleasing to the ears; sincere. Levi turns his head slightly. It’s not enough to meet my eyes, but it‘s enough to know it‘s directed towards me.

“I'm sorry, too," He responds just as soft and sincere. The awkwardness is still present and my heart has already started to accelerate speed. What am I supposed to do now? What else is there to say? I gingerly make my way around him and sat next to him.

He turns his head to face me, my eyes soft again. His steel blue eyes meeting my two separate colored eyes--an incident happened to one of them to change on eye color--and it’s like the weight of the world gets lifted off my shoulders when he gives me a small smile. It‘s so small that I cam hardly see the twitch of the corner of his mouth. It‘s so so tiny...yet so so big. Does that make any sense? Does it even matter?

"You did nothing wrong. It was all me, this time. I'm...I'm really really sorry, Levi," His smiles leaves at my words and I lean my head against his shoulder. He run his fingers through my brown locks and slides them off of my shoulders to meet my hand. He lifts it up to his mouth and softly presses his lips against it, kissing my knuckles.

“I missed you," He whispers. It sounds so sad like he‘a ready to burst out crying. Hell, even I want to burst out crying.

"I missed you, too," My voice shakes and cracks slightly. He presses his lips to my cheek, and then to my lips like a final reward. It feels so great, it feels so natural. I miss the natural kisses on my lips. He moves away slightly but I grab the back of his head, forcing his lips upon mine again. I squeeze his hand that is intertwined in mine.

Things feel so right. It’s like the world has disappeared as we kiss. I can’t even hear the music that softly plays outside. 

Things ate fine, amazing, perfect.

All because I have Levi.

I let go of the kiss, lips still wet, yet dry with anticipation. We both press our slightly sweaty foreheads together. A small smile paints onto both of our faces as we close our eyes. There is no need to meet each others' stares to see what we are both feeling, "I love you...so much, Eren," He says as he rubs circles on my cheekbone with his thumb. I lean against his touch. It‘s warm, satisfying and everything it needs to be...to be perfect.

“I love you, too."


	2. Chapter 1

**(Eren's pov)**

It's been a year ever since Levi and I made up at Hanji's and Erwin's party. I wake up next to Levi in his bed. I remember last night and I smile with a slight blush before getting out of bed.

I look in the mirror at my growing hair. It's only been a year, and it's almost to my shoulders. Levi and I have been growing out our hair, but I know for sure that he still trims it. I don't trim it which is why my hair is longer than Levi's.

I grab a towel and go to the bathroom to take a shower. I turn on the shower and wait for it to warm up before walking inside. I moan in delight as the hot water hits my back. I feel two strong arms wrap around my waist. "Tch, taking a shower without me?" Levi asks as he stuffs his face into the back of my neck.

Surprisingly, Levi grew two inches these past two years, so now he's 5'5"--which reaches to about my neck length--but still short for a 20-year-old college student.

“You were sleeping. I didn't want to wake you," I say with a slight smile. He shakes his head and kisses the back of my neck.

"And pass on an opportunity to shower with you? Since when and why would I ever do that?"

“Well, what if I didn't want to shower with you? We do shower together practically every day."

“But I know you want to shower with me, who wouldn't?" I scoff and roll my eyes.

"Stop being a cocky bitch and scrub my back," I tell Levi as I hand him the soap.

“Will do," He says as he starts scrubbing my back. He goes lower and lower until he reached my ass.

“Ah, no can do, Levi. You had enough of me last night. Eyes on my back, Big Boy," I chuckle and Levi chuckles too before scrubbing my back. After I‘m done, I scrub Levi's back and we get out of the shower and got dressed. Today is also our official year anniversary after we got back together, and exactly a month ago, is Armin's death anniversary and we go and visit his grave. Mikasa moved out of state to fulfill her dream job.

Jean has also grown out his hair and it's about the same length as mine, except it's longer in the back than it is in the front. Levi and Jean have finally somewhat been getting along. There's still this constant fear that I might leave Levi for him, though, but I keep telling him otherwise. I told him I was never going to leave him, "What do you want to do today?" Levi asks me as we walk down his stairs.

"I don't know. I never plan these things. You always do it and I think it's adorable," I smile and Levi slightly blushes and looks away.

"I actually have been planning to take you somewhere."

“Is it a special place?"

"I could say that. This is one of the places where I go and do my deep thinking. It's mainly thinking about you because this place is absolutely beautiful. It's not my favorite place to go to, but it is a place I love to go to,"

“And why can't I go to your favorite place to go to?" I ask with a pouted lip and Levi pecks me on the lips.

“Because I want that place to become a very very special place that will only be special to us," He whispers in my ear in a deep tone that makes me blush deeply. Levi chuckles. "Come on, let's go get ready," He says with a smile. I smile widely at him and nod my head as I walk back up the stairs and he walks to the kitchen to make us a quick lunch.

I walk down the stairs in a plain black long-sleeved shirt with the sleeves pushed up to my forearms. I wear black skinny jeans and black converse topped off with the key necklace that I wear every day. Levi is doing the dishes when I return. "Babe, I can finish these. You can go up and get ready," I say to him as I grab the plate out of his hand. He pecks me on the lips and lingers slightly before pulling away and smiling.

"Thanks," He mutters as he walks up the stairs. I finish the dishes since there isn’t much left and I walk over to the couch and sit down before turning on the TV and watching the first show that comes up.

A couple minutes pass and I hear footsteps down the stairs of our house and I look up to see Levi. He’s wearing black skinny jeans with black converse like mine. He has a gray long-sleeve with rips at the bottom right of it, slightly showing his V-line. He wears a black leather jacket over it and topped it off with the black scarf that I got him for his 20th birthday. 

I turn off the TV and walk up to him, playing with his jacket and slightly fixing his scarf. "You look great. Are we going to go?"

“Yeah, of course."

We walk hand in hand to the car and unlink before I go to the other side of the car. Levi told me the car drive was going to be pretty long, so I prepared for a nap. Of course, I did take a nap halfway through the car ride.

Levi wakes me when we arrive and I get out of the car. "Wait!" Levi says loudly and I turn around.

“What?" I ask as Levi makes his way over to me and covers my eyes with his hands. "Woah, Levi. What are you-"

"-Trust me, Eren. I won't anything happen to you," He says softly and I reluctantly nod my head as he guides me somewhere.

He removes his hands from my face and I slightly flinch after seeing what I see. We are standing above our beloved city in Germany. The sunset is a slight purple gradient and you can see the sun slightly across the horizon. Apartments, large buildings, houses, and etc. can be soon from up here as tiny little lights. It‘s beyond beautiful, and we can actually see the lake Levi and I always go to from up here. It is absolutely stunning.

I carefully sit down and dangle my feet off the edge and Levi does the same. I put my head against his shoulder. “It's beautiful, Levi. Thank you for taking me here. I love it."

“You're welcome, Baby. I just wanted to let you know how much you mean to me and how much I love you. I love you enough to show you this place in the first place. That let alone, is a big sign for me. I don't normally bring just anyone up here. I love you so much, Eren and I don't ever want you to think otherwise. You are the greatest thing to ever happen to me and I'm so glad you are in my life right now."

"I love, you, too, Levi. I'm so glad to have met you, too. I 'm so glad to have been a part of your life. We may have gotten in our fights once in a while, but it built us up into the strong couple we are now. I'm not leaving you...not now, not ever and I don't want you bailing on me either. I want you to tell me the whole truth all the time. No secrets, deal?"

“Deal," Levi says and we seal it with a kiss.

“Happy anniversary," We say simultaneously.


	3. Chapter 2

**(Eren's pov)**

Levi and I awake at the same time and we look at each other and smile. We’re going back to college soon since we're on our summer break. It will be our second year of college, I believe. Levi is going to college to become a doctor and so am I, except I’m wanting to be an animal doctor. I have always gotten along with animals so I think this is perfect for me.

Levi and I are wanting to spend our last two weeks of summer vacation with as many friends as we can. Tonight is game night and Mikasa is also flying in to visit so she's going to be staying with me and Levi. Levi and I are actually at the airport right now waiting for her.

We are sitting on the chairs when I look up and see Mikasa with her signature red scarf. "Mikasa!" I exclaim which gets her attention.

"Eren!" She yells back as we run to each other and pull each other into an embrace.

"I missed you, Mikasa."

"I missed you, too, Eren."

I pull away from Mikasa and Levi snakes his fingers in between mine and Mikasa sends a glare. "Hi, Mikasa," Levi says quietly, "Are you ever going to forgive me? It's been a year."

"You hurt Eren."

"Mikasa, you should forgive him. He didn't hurt me. It was the other way around," I chime in and Mikasa sighs deeply.

“Fine," She said as she puts her hand out for Levi to take. "I forgive you," She finishes as Levi shakes hands using his free hand.

“Oh, Mikasa," I say to get her attention, "People are coming over because it's game night, are you going to join us? I mean, I know you're staying at my house, but you know what I mean."

"Yeah, I'll join you guys. Who's all going to be there?"

"Connie, Sasha, Jean, Marco, and a couple people we met during college."

"Cool, I'll be glad to hang out with everyone I haven't seen in the past year."

“Cool, well we should go."

"Yeah, you're right."

We get into Levi's car and drive to our apartment near our college so we don’t have to drive very far. Everyone will be coming over to our apartment since it's bigger than their dorms. Sasha, Connie, Jean, Marco and I all go to the same college which is convenient for Levi and me.

We arrive home and we walk inside. "You can use the other bed. Levi and I never use it anyways," I tell Mikasa as she set her bags onto the floor.

"Thanks. By the way, no having sex when I'm here. I don't want to be trying to sleep and hear Eren's whimpers," We both blush slightly before I realize what she said.

"What!? I could make Levi whimper! I'm not the only one," I finish with a growl and Mikasa and Levi chuckle.

"I'm joking, Eren."

"So we can-"

“-No, you cannot. I need my sleep."

"Tsk, fine."

A couple hours pass and the first person to arrive is Jean. "Hey, Jean. Where's Marco? I thought he was arriving with you?" I ask, after letting Jean in.

"He's over with his family right now, but he'll be here later. He wanted me to leave to tell you that he had something to do with his family. I hope that's okay," He says as he sits down on a chair.

"Yeah, that's okay. Do you know where Sasha and Connie are right now?"

"They texted me a while ago and they said they were on their way."

“Oi, Eren," Levi says from behind me.

"Yeah?" I ask him.

"Oluo just told me he's coming with the girl he's been telling us."

"About time. I've been wanting to meet this girl."

"Who's Oluo?" Jean asks.

“He's one of the new friends that we made over the past year," I reply as Levi sits next to me and I cuddle up to him. I look at Jean to see him eye me and Levi. I brush it off.

"Oh," Was all Jean says before someone knocks on the door. I groan and walk up to it before opening it.

"Oh, it's Sasha and Connie," I say as I let them in after giving them a hug. Connie has grown significantly and is now taller than Levi, but he's still shorter than Jean and me. Let's just say he's as tall as Sasha now who is still the same height from high school.

Connie has also grown out his hair so his brown hair is a bit longer but still shorter than the average males and is shaved on the edges and is spiked upwards. They walk in and said their hellos and takes a seat where there‘s room.

"I need to go to the bathroom," Sasha says after we've had a couple of drinks and stands.

"Guys, I need your help," Connie says once she’s gone.

"With what?" I ask.

"So you guys all know I've been dating Sasha since Freshman year, so that'll be like five years of dating, and it'll soon be six because her birthday is coming up soon, and she'll be turning 20, and...I want to propose to her. I think we're ready. We've been happy and we've been really close, I just don't know how to do it. I need your help."

"What does she enjoy to do?" Jean asks.

"Eat, is basically all she likes to do."

"Still?" Levi asks and Connie nods his head.

"Simple, take her out to dinner and propose then," I say with a shrug, "I'm sure she'll still like it."

“But that seems a little cliche," Connie says with a frown.

"What seems a little cliche?" Sasha asks as she sits next to Connie.

"Oh, nothing. Don't worry about it," Connie says as he pecks Sasha on the lips. We hear a knock on the door but no one wants to get up to get it.

"I'll get it," Jean groans as he sits up. "Oh, Marco's here!" Jean yells out to us.

"Glad you could make it, Marco," I say with a smile.

"Thanks. I'm glad I could make it, too," He says with another smile and sits next to Jean.

We hear yet another knock on the door. "I'll get it," Levi says this time and stands out of my grasp. He opens the door then comes in with Eld and Gunther.

"Hey, guys!" I say. "You can take a seat anywhere. It's a little smaller place but it's still bigger than your guys' dorms," I finish with a smile. They smile back.

We start to ask like...really personal questions to each other. Everything was going fine...until someone brought up my brown eye. W-well...long story short, I...I tried to commit suicide again," I say very softly.

Everyone goes wide-eyed except for Mikasa because she is the only one that knows. Not even Levi knows. "What do you mean, Eren!?" Levi yells at me angrily. I blush slightly out of embarrassment and look down at the floor. "Why didn't you tell me? When did this happen?"

"It was in the two months we were apart. I was going through a lot that I didn't tell you about and you were the only thing that was keeping me together; That was keeping me sane and alive. But when we got in that fight, it was like the whole world came crashing down on me and I had no clue what to do anymore."

“I...I don't understand. How did that change your eye color?"

"I guess it was just me turning into a different person. Like a separate personality because of the voice inside my head-" I immediately close my mouth shut with my hands because no one knows about the voice inside my head.

**(Levi's pov)**

"Eren? What voice inside your head?" I ask in extreme confusion and worry. Suddenly, what happened during the Senior camping trip came back to mind. He kept something about 'It' being right, but I couldn't figure out what he meant. He also randomly yelled 'shut up' when we were in the cabin, and I'm assuming there was a voice in his head. "Eren...was that what 'It' was when we were seniors at the camping trip?" I ask and Eren tenses up at my words. "So it was," I say quietly, mainly to myself.

"I'm sorry I never told you about it. I was just a little nervous about how you would react when I told you; like you would think I'm crazy and you would put me in therapy. I don't want to go to therapy. I hate therapy."

"I know you do, Eren. I know. But you could've at least told me what was going on in your head. I could've helped you and stuck with you. I love you, Eren."

**(Eren's pov)**

"I know. I love you-" I‘m cut off by a knock on the door."Oh, that must be Oluo. I'll go get it," I say with a smile. I stand and open the door to see Oluo, and then his girlfriend.

"Hi, Eren," His girlfriend says with a devious smile.

"Hey...Levi, come here please," I say, slightly petrified.

"Alright, Eren," I hear Levi's footsteps get closer to me and then stop."What did you-" Levi pauses once he sees Oluo.

"Hey, Levi. This is my girlfriend-"

"-Petra," Levi finishes for him.


	4. Chapter 3

**(Eren's pov)**

"Hi, Eren. Hi, Levi.~" Petra sings with a smirk, clinging onto Oluo's arm.

"You guys know each other?" Oluo asks with an eyebrow raised.

"You could say so," Levi and I say simultaneously with a glare on our faces.

"I missed you, Levi. Why haven't you texted me recently?" Petra says with a smirk, glancing over to me. “It's been over a year!"

“What? A year? we graduated _two_ years ago, Petra," I say in confusion.

"I know," She says with another smirk and pushes passed us.

"Levi? Did you guys do something a year ago?" I ask Levi and he stays silent. "I can't believe this. You never told me about this??" He takes a deep sigh like he already knew what was going to happen.

"It was during those two months we were apart. I was feeling...not myself so I used my last resort because I was so desperate. I called Petra and she lived with me for two months."

"She lived with you!?"

“We didn't do anything, but she tried as much as she could. I regretted calling her once we made up."

"Levi, what if we never made up? What would've happened then? Would you have let Petra still live with you? Would you have developed feelings for her? Would you have started to date her because we weren't together anymore?" I paus and look down at my feet. "Would you have been happier if we never made up?" I finish quieter, mainly to myself.

“None of those things would've happened because I wouldn't have called her," Levi replies as he grabs my chin and forces me to look at him. "I called her because I knew we would make up in the end. I knew how it would end. I called her because there was always this part in my heart that we would end up together until death do us part. That's how much I love you, Eren. And what's this 'would you have been happier if we never made up?' crap? Of course not. I would've been miserable, despairing, depressed, and so much more. You make me the happiest man alive. Why would you ever make me unhappy?"

"I...I don't know. I just seriously can not see myself losing interest in you. Like...I've never been able to truly see myself spending my whole life with someone until you came along. And all I want to do is make you happy. It's finally about someone else and not me and it feels amazing. It's a little frustrating at times but I'd seriously do anything for you and it makes me tremendously happy to be to live in an apartment with you...You don't even know, babe. I waited to be in love. I told myself that I hated romance, and that I'd never want a boyfriend and that I'd never fall in love.

“I had myself convinced that was all true because everyone told me that it was true and that I would never find anyone because I was gay, different. But then you came along and tore every single one of those statements apart in a matter of barely even three minutes when you first told me you loved me. I love you so much, honestly. And that's why I want to make you happy because you do the same for me," I say with a smile, my eyes close to tears. Levi is astonished and speechless, he can’t even speak. "Can we go back to them now?" I ask and Levi nods his head and we link hands before walking back into the sitting room.

When we sit down, I am immediately met with a glare from Petra. _"What's her problem? She has Oluo,"_ I think. Dear God, please don't tell me she's not over Levi yet. It's been so long, she must have a problem if she's not over him. I'm not letting her steal Levi from me.

The tension immediately grows between the group and Sasha and Connie are the ones to break it. "How about we play spin the bottle?" Sasha asks as Connie gives her a confused look.

"The majority of us are taken, though," Connie says in a confused tone.

"So?"

"Soo, why would we play spin the bottle?"

"I don't know, it was just a suggestion. The tension is too much."

“You're right. We need to think of something."

"How about we play spin the bottle, but whoever it lands on...has to spill their deepest and darkest, secret," Petra chimes in with a huge maniacal grin on her face.

“That seems interesting!" Sasha exclaims. "Everyone agree?" She asks as everyone nodd their heads except me. Levi gives me a worried look like I‘m keeping something from him. And I am, I'm afraid of what will happen if he figures out the truth. Afraid of what he'll think of me after he hears.

“Can I talk to you, Eren?" Levi asks, snapping me out of my short daze.

"Oh, uhm yeah," I says nervously as I stand and we walk into the bathroom.

"You don't seem excited about this game. Is there something that you're hiding from all of us? We're all your closest friends, except Petra, and we want you to know that you can trust us," Levi says and I sigh. I really didn't want anyone to know what I did. I was so young. I didn't know what to do. I was only six. I betrayed him and I got the karma for it. I still don't believe I got what I deserved. I have Levi, I don't deserve him after what I did. 

I...I don't know how to put this lightly. I am keeping something from you guys. I don't want you guys to know about it which is why I don't want to play this game. I could make up this totally unbelievable yet believable lie, but you know me. You know everything about me."

"I thought I did. I hope the bottle lands on you, first," Levi say coldly as he turns and walks out of the bathroom.

"I deserved that," I mumble as I walk out of the bathroom. I take a seat next to Levi since it’s the only free spot, but sat a fair distance away.

"Aw~ Did you guys get in a little fight?" Petra says with her lip out in a pout. Levi and I say nothing but send her a glare that says a million words, and let me tell you this: They are not nice ones. "Anyway~ Are we ready to start?" She asks with another maniacal grin. Everyone hesitantly agrees and Petra spins the bottle of beer that someone recently finished. "Sasha!" Petra exclaims. We all roll our eyes, knowing that it'll be about food, and it was. 

I wasn't paying full attention, but she said something along the lines of 'I keep a sack of potatoes under my dorm bed.' or something like that, I wasn't listening.

The next person is Gunther, but he claims he doesn’t have one, which is believable. He's a really nice and amazing guy. He doesn't seem like the one to have a deep and dark secret like mine. This went on for about another half hour. 

I‘m sipping out my half-empty beer bottle, hoping everyone get sick of this game. I like this game so far because I haven't been picked yet, but who knows, that may happen soon. "Eren!" Sasha exclaims, making me flinch and choke on my beer slightly.

I look down at the bottle and there it is. The tip of the bottle is pointed straight at me and everyone's eyes are on me. Especially Levi's. I sigh before I sit up straight.

"I would make one up, but I am also a trustworthy person and I don't want to lose your guys' trust, so here I go. As you all know..."


	5. Chapter 4

**(Eren's pov)**

“As you all know, my father left me and my mother when I was only six," I say as I look around to the others, making eye contact with them all, but skipping over Petra. The last person I look at is Levi, and my eyes are already starting to fill up with tears, but I swallow the lump in my throat and wipe my eyes with my forearm before going on. "But you guys don't know why he left. I never told you what happened. Like I said, I was only six at the time, so I had no clue what I was doing in the slightest. I didn't know what to do," I say as I once again locked eyes with Levi and his eyes were full of worry and sadness, yet curiosity.

"My father...had one of his best friends over one night and they were drinking beer and he got drunk. My mother and I were in the kitchen and my mom was cooking dinner for him and my father food while I watched, but then my father went to the bathroom and his friend came over to my mom. She was faced away from him, her front side towards the stove and hee walked up to her and grabbed her ass and she yelped and hit his hand away from her. She was really weak at this point...b-because," I stop and took a sniffle, wiping my eyes and my nose with my sleeve. "She was pregnant," I say quietly and others gasp in shock.

"What happened to the baby?" Sasha asks.

“After my father left us, she got an abortion because she didn't want to take care of the baby without a father," I say as I look at Sasha and she nods her head sadly.

“So you're telling us that your deepest and darkest secret was that you watched your pregnant mother get sexually harassed?" Levi asks with an eyebrow raised. I shake my head.

“No, I haven't gotten to my secret yet. I want to give you guys context on to why I did what I did before you guys think I'm crazy. However, when I was a child, I was pretty crazy in the head. I went to therapy before, and I went to therapy after I did what I did. Don't worry, I'm better now, but if you guys are scared of me after I tell you my secret, I won't get hurt about it because I understand," I say and they all give me confused and curious looks at my words.

"Anyway, my mom tried to fight him off but his arms ended around her waist as he held her tightly, but he wasn't so drunk to kill the baby. My mom couldn't fight any longer with her weak body and the man started to slowly kiss her neck. His hand trailed from her waist down the front of her pants as he started to rub her vagina. I was a scared little six-year-old, sitting at the table right behind them, watching my mom get raped by this older man. I was old and tall enough that I could reach inside the drawers where all the silverware was.

“My mom was crying and she was yelping and moaning as the man's free hand was covering my mom's mouth so my father couldn't hear. She was freaking out, trying to push him off of her, but didn't have the strength," By this point in the story, I’m looking down to the ground with my long hair covering my face so my friends, besides Petra, couldn't see the tears. It may not be helping much because I'm sure that they can hear me trying to choke back my tears as I talk. "And I stood and carefully walked over to the silverware drawer and grabbed a-" I‘m cut off mid-sentence by my phone going off. It’s a phone call from Erwin. _"Why is he calling me right now?"_ I think as I answer the phone, "Erwin?"

"Eren, I need you to come to the hospital right now!" Erwin yells through the phone.

"Why and which hospital?" I asked and a few heads perked up at the word 'hospital'.

"It's Hanji."

"What happened!?"

“It's my fault, Eren. I was going too fast on my motorcycle and I wasn't looking where I was going and we crashed. It's my fault. I'm so so sorry," Erwin says and I can hear the tears from over the phone. I freeze at his words, too because of Armin and I don’t want to lose another one of my close friends because of a car crash.

"Erwin, calm down. I'll be there as soon as I can," I say before ending the call and standing up before putting on my shoes.

"Eren? What happened?" Levi asked as he stands with me.

"Nothing, I just have to go to the hospital real quick. Stay here and look after the apartment...please," I plead with Levi.

"No, I'm going with you," He demands.

"Levi, no!" I snap at him, making him slightly flinch. He has grown really close to Hanji over the past year. Also Erwin, but he doesn't seem hurt so I don't know for sure. But he and Hanji are practically best friends like I am with Hanji. I don’t want him to come and see Hanji in the state she's in, or worse...he could see her dead. I don't want to put Levi through that.

"Fine," Levi says coldly and turns on his heel. "Be safe," He mutters quietly and I run out the front door after grabbing my car keys. I get in my car and quickly drive my way to the hospital.

I run inside to see Erwin on one of the waiting chairs. He‘s hunched over, his elbows on his knees and is tapping his foot impatiently. He has one hand on his chin and he turns his head towards the door to see me. His bloodshot eyes widen. He quickly stands and takes his long strides over to me and gives me a large hug, covering me in the blood he‘s covered in.

I don’t see any cuts or scratches on his body so I assume it‘s Hanji's blood. My eyes start to tear up as well, not just from Hanji, although it is a large portion of it, but because memories of Armin flood back into my brain. I can't lose another one of my close friends.

"I'm so glad you came. I've been worried sick. I'm so sorry. This is my fault," Erwin says through his tears. I've never seen him like this. He must really love Hanji.

"It's not your fault, Erwin," I say, trying to reassure him.

“Yes, it is, Eren! You don't understand. She told me to stop and to slow down but I didn't listen to her. I was so stupid to not listen to her and to listen to me and my big ego. I'm sorry, we were just trying to go visit you guys. It never happened and it's my fault. I'm so sorry," Erwin says again and my eyes widen. If I killed myself when I had the chance, then they wouldn't have anyone to visit and Hanji would still be alive...or, well...I guess. I don't know if she's dead or not. Or, if I invited them in the first place, this wouldn't have happened. It's my fault. I'm so sorry.

"I'm sorry, Erwin."

"Don't be sorry. It wasn't your fault."

"But it was," I say quietly and Erwin pulls away from me.

"How so?"

“If I didn’t invite you guys to come over before because some friends we met in college would be over, then Hanji would still be alive. If I told you to drive safe today like I do every day, then Hanji may still be alive."

"This isn't your fault at all, Eren. This is all on me. We just wanted to visit you."

"But every day, I still text you to drive safe and it just so happens, that the day I don't tell you to drive safe, you get in a car crash."

"That doesn't mean it's your fault. It's just a coincidence."

“I guess so. I'm still sorry about Hanji. Is she okay?"

"I'm not sure. She was in excruciating pain she could barely move a finger and she yelled in pain every time someone tried to move her. I don't know if she's going to make it. If she dies, it's going to be my fault."

"Don't think like that, Erwin. She's going to live," I say as the doctor comes into view.

"Erwin Smith?" The doctor says and Erwin spins around quickly.

"That is me, Sir," Erwin says with a shaky voice as he walks up the doctor.

"Hanji Zoe Smith is your wife, I presume?"

“Yes, Sir."

"She's going to be okay. She'll have to stay in the hospital for about a month, but she's going to be okay," The doctor says with a heart-warming smile.

“Thank Goodness!" Erwin exclaims, shaking the doctor's hand. "Thank you so so much. Can I go see her?"

“Yes, let me go show you where her room is. And is this your son?" He asks, making eye contact with me.

"Oh, he's our adoptive son. We took him in after his father died," Erwin says as he turns to me. It was true, though. Hanji and Erwin decided to adopt me because I had no place to go besides Levi's, but we would have to become adoptive siblings for me to live there, so they took me in. I have been grateful for them for their action that I thought no one else could do. I thought there was so more hope left in humanity.

"Alright then. You can come with us, too," The doctor says and I catch up to them as we walk into Hanji's hospital room. She looks absolutely terrible. She‘s pale from blood loss and there are stitches on the outside of her right eye, along with a few on her arms and her neck. It‘s a miracle that she was still alive.

She‘s asleep at the moment, but at least she‘s alive and breathing. Erwin runs over to her side and grabs her hand. He tenses after feeling her hand and I assume it‘s cold. Even from where I‘m standing, I can see Erwin shaking as he holds her hand. He has tears of joy flooding down his face. I want to wait until Hanji wakes up for me to go back to my apartment. Hopefully, everything is going well over there.

**(Levi's pov)**

After Eren leaves to go to the hospital, I go and sit back down with a sigh. "What's up with you guys?" Jean asks me.

“I don't know. He doesn't normally act this way," I reply with another sigh. 

“Huh. I can't believe he left us. He was just about to tell us what his deepest and darkest secret is." Jean puts his hands behind his head and leans against the couch that he os sitting in front of. 

"Yeah, I mean...I think I have an idea of what he might've done, but I don't want to accuse him of anything yet."

"You think? It's totally obvious what he did," Petra chimes in.

“I wasn't talking to you, Petra," I say in a disgusted tone.

"Okay, what is going on between you two? Petra is trying to be friendly with you yet you're being a total asshole to her. What did she ever do to you?" Oluo defends Petra, tightening his grip around her. 

“What did she do to me?! She lied to all of us, she almost died, yet she used that to her advantage to kiss me. She knew I was in love Eren, and she used that night to get so close to me. Did you know that she was in love with me for so long? I, personally, don't believe she's over me yet. All night she's been eyeballing Eren and me and sending us glares. Can't you see that, Oluo? She's obviously being with you just to make me jealous, well news flash! I don't care who you date, and you destroyed mine and Eren's relationship for a while. You killed Armin. You killed more of Eren, because of that one night," I snap at them, making them flinch.

"Let's go, Oluo," Petra demands and he does as told. 

“I can't believe he didn't believe me!" I growl. 

“You were a little harsh on her," Eld says quietly and Gunther nods his head in agreement.

“So you're agreeing with him over me?"

“Well, we've known Oluo since we were little kids, so it's just an instinct to trust him more," Eld replies.

“Then leave," I said coldly.

"But Lev-"

"-I told you to leave. If you don't trust me the same way you trust Oluo, why would I let you stay in my apartment?" I once again say coldly before they stand and walk out the door. "Does anyone else want to speak up?" I ask and Marco, Jean, Sasha, and Connie shook their heads in fear. "I'm sorry, guys. I'm just stressed and nervous about Eren. I hope he's okay," I say right before my phone goes off. I look down at it to see that it‘s Eren. "Eren!" I exclaim over the phone.

"Calm down, Levi. It's only been like twenty minutes since I've been gone. I'll be back soon, I'm leaving the hospital now. Is everything going okay?" Eren says in a reassuring voice.

"Thank goodness. And yeah, everything is okay. Eld, Gunther, Petra, and Oluo left, but the others are still here."

“Oh, okay. That's good, I guess. Well, I should go. I'm going to start driving soon."

"Okay, be safe. I love you."

"I love you," And with those words, Eren hangs up.

Not long after, Eren comes back and takes a seat on the couch to the right of me, and to the left of Jean. "Why'd you have to go to the hospital?" I ask and Eren freezes. It‘s obvious that he doesn’t want to tell me so it must've been someone important to me. 

"It was nothing. It...was something minor," Eren lies.

“Eren, stop lying to me."

"Fine," Eren takes a deep breath before going on. "It was Hanji. Her and Erwin were riding on his motorcycle to come visit us, and they got in a crash," He finishes quietly, looking away from me. 

"Why didn't you tell me this?" I ask semi-angrily. 

"I didn't want you to get hurt. I didn't want you to see her the way she was."

"You still could've told me that it was her. Is she okay?"

"Yeah, she's alive and well, she just woke up before I left the hospital and the first thing she asked me was if you were okay. But she's okay, is my point."

"Thank God," I say in relief. 

"Are you ever going to tell us your deepest and darkest secret?" Jean chimes in. 

"Oh, right. Where was I, again?" I ask.

"You went open to the silverware drawer," Marco says. 

"Oh right. So I quietly made my way to the silverware drawer..."


	6. Chapter 5

**(Eren's pov)**

"I quietly made my way over to the silverware drawer, and grabbed a..." I start, not wanting to tell them what I did. "A knife that was in the drawer," I say again, looking at the others, seeing the looks on their faces that I don’t want to see. "And then quietly made my way over to the man that was harassing my beloved mother." I lower my head so I won’t be able see the look on their faces when I tell them what I did. "And stabbed the man in the back and pulled it out quickly. Blood drenched the knife and blood spilled from his back." I hear everyone, including Levi, gasp and I tense up. "He stopped harassing my mother by turning towards me, giving me a glare that I will never forget. The glare was full of hatred, yet betrayal. But...I didn't stop there. He wasn't dead like I wanted him to be for harassing my mother."

I stop talking as I clenche my hand into a fist, still staring at my lap. "I stabbed him again, yelling at him that he doesn't deserve to live. Then, my dad walked in and I didn't notice and my mother couldn't move to stop me nor my father. She was frozen stiff. I knew exactly what was going on in her head, though. _'My son has reached the peak of sanity and fallen off the edge. My darling six-year-old son that I've learned to love, that I've learned to not be afraid of, my sadist son. I need to leave him or else he'll do the same thing to me. He's hurt father and me before, it wouldn't be a surprise.'_ Is exactly what she was thinking. I could tell she was terrified of me at that moment and my dad was, too. He couldn't believe that his six-year-old son could do such a thing. He thought the year of therapy that I had...had done enough. But...seeing my mother get harassed by one of my father's best friends that knew she was married and was pregnant and already had a child already, threw me off the edge of the cliff of sanity that I was previously trying to crawl down. 

"I was almost to the bottom, the base of my sanity. Seeing me murdering his best friend, also brought him to the edge of his sanity. _'To whom, exactly?'_ You guys may be thinking." I snicker, which probably gets them afraid if they aren’t already. "It was me, you know. He had just about had it with me, but that thing that I did...Made his hatred towards me grow, and he left. He tried to take my mother with him...but she refused. Why? I have no clue. She should've left me. She should've kicked me out of the house and let me die. Everything would've been so much better without me there with them. They could've been living happily with their new child...whatever gender it could've been." I clench my fist harder, breaking the skin. "But here I am...sitting with friends that I don't-"

“-You're absolutely crazy!" I hear someone interrupt and my eyes widen, knowing who it is. I looked up at my best friend who is now standing.

"Jean," Marco says quietly, trying to make him sit back down.

"No! Don't you see!? He murdered someone and you guys are okay with it!? Not only that, he was only six! Who knows, he could be planning to murder us which is why we're friends. Don't you agree!?" He asks, looking around to the others and they all reluctantly nod their heads.

"That's not what it's like," I say quietly, eyes filling up with the tears that I held back for so long as Sasha, Connie, Marco and Jean walked out the apartment door. Mikasa already knows about this and I am so grateful that she never told anyone about it. I look up to Levi to see that his eyes are wide, wider than I've ever seen them be. I can’t see anything in his eyes but fear. "Levi," I say quietly. I stand and reach out to him but he flinches, backing away from me.

"I...I don't know what to think, Eren. I knew you were hiding something but I didn't expect it to be something this big. You hid a murder from me. Jean was right, though. We don't know if you're planning to kill any one of us, or how many people you've killed," He says, his voice is shaking with fear. 

“So this is how much you trust me," I say darkly, looking at the floor. 

"What?"

"You really don't trust me. We've known each other for three years and have been dating for over a year...and you still don't trust me? Of course." I chuckle, slightly losing my sanity. 

"Of course I trust you, Eren."

"No, you don't, Levi. If you trusted me, you wouldn't be scared of me right now."

"I'm not afraid of you, Eren."

"Liar!" I yell, making him flinch as Mikasa idly stands by. I continue, "If you weren't afraid of me right now, you wouldn't be as far away as you are right now. Your voice wouldn't be as shaky as it is. It says it all in your eyes. You're afraid of me! Why are you afraid!? Why don't you-"

“-Because you keep yelling and you get violent sometimes and that scares me! Sometime I really do think that you're still crazy in the head, you sadist!" Levi snaps and his eyes instantly widen with regret, but I‘m at shock at what I just heard. I don’t know how to respond, so I do something I would regret most: I walk right out that door without saying a word to Levi and nor did he say a word to me.

"Eren," I hear Mikasa say behind me as I walk through the apartment lobby.

"What?" I ask Mikasa through my tears.

"Are you okay?"

“Yeah, I'm fine. I just need to be left alone for a while. Go tell Levi that, too. If he cares, that is. Trust me. I'll be back."

“Okay," She replied sadly before turning around and going back to our apartment room. I let out a large sigh before walking out the front door to God knows where. 

**(Levi's pov)**

As Eren walks out the door I realized my mistakes. I fall to the ground, realizing the sin that I had just committed. I, once again, hurt the love of my life because I couldn't trust him. Truth is, I‘m not just scared, I‘m terrified. My year long boyfriend hid this secret from me for three years. At six years old, he committed a crime. A murder, for that matter. I‘m terrified of him. Who knows what he can do now that he's older, stronger, and wiser. I love Eren and I don't want to let him go, but if he doesn't want to get hurt, we'll have to leave each other eventually. Someone will figure out what he's done and take him to the authorities. 

In all honesty, I snapped at Eren because I didn't know how to respond. He saw right through me. He knew exactly what I was feeling. But, I saw right through him, too. I knew exactly what he was feeling, yet I still said those words. I still said those words that I knew he wouldn't like. That I knew he would get upset about. What am I to do now? Should I chase after him? That'd be a good idea. But what if he doesn't want to see me? What if he's that mad at me? What if-

My thoughts are cut off by the door opening and Mikasa walking in the room. "Where's Eren?" I asked. 

“He wants to be alone. Don't chase after him. He doesn't want you to," She says monotonously. 

“Is that what he told you?”

“Of course it is, Shorty.”

“What do I do, Mikasa?”

“What?" 

“I fucked up, Mikasa. I made Eren upset. I'm so so sorry. I broke my promise to you. I'm so sorry. What do I do? I want to talk to him. I want to spend the rest of my life with him but there something holding us back. What? I have no clue what it is. I can feel it. It's like a barrier. No...it's like a person. There's a person standing in our way but I have no clue who this person is. I can feel it. How do I get rid of it? What do I do?”

“Maybe try understanding him. Try trusting him. Maybe start respecting him a little more. Maybe step into Eren's shoes. Find out what it's like in his life, and use that to make that the happiest he can be."

**(Third pov)**

As Eren walks down the streets of their beloved town, he look around at all the happy family's, ignoring his surroundings so he doesn’t notice he is being followed.


	7. Chapter 6

**(Levi's pov)**

_“Maybe try understanding him. Try trusting him. Maybe start respecting him a little more. Maybe step into Eren's shoes. Find out what it's like in his life, and use that to make that the happiest he can be.”_ Mikasa's words replay in my head over and over all day that I don’t even realize how late it is. It‘s 10:30 at night and Eren isn’t back. He left at like 2:00 that afternoon. 

Mikasa and I are pacing around the room, wondering where he can be. We've already checked all of the places we thought he would be at. He told me about all his secret hide out spots where he likes to go and think. Or at least I think so, I wouldn't be surprised if he kept one of those away from me. My eyes widen in fear, just in case he would do what I think he would do. "Mikasa!" I exclaim and she flinches. She looks at me, telling me to continue. So I do, "What if he..." I don’t want to finish that sentence. Mikasa's eyes widen, probably getting the same idea I did. 

She says nothing as she runs out the apartment, me following quickly behind her. We know exactly where to go. We already checked the bridge earlier, but he wasn't there, and we didn't even think to check in the water. 

We quickly get in my car and I drive to the river. When we arrive, we get out of the car and sprint to the river. The river isn’t that deep, so I‘m not afraid that I would have to swim too deep if we found him. 

We search for what seems like an hour and we don’t find him. Mikasa and I both get more worried than before. Where the fuck could he be? Eren, come back. I miss you. I'm sorry. 

**(Eren's pov)**

I don't remember anything that happened after I walked the streets. But, I do remember that I felt like I was being followed. I didn't believe that to be true, because I didn't want it to be. So I ignored it as I looked at all these happy families, thinking about what I could've had, and what my father's best-friend could've had.

Presently, I have no clue where I am. I have no clue how long I've been here. It's dark, and cold. I can't see where I am, but I can feel the handcuffs on my wrists and the cold metal bar pressed against my bare back. I can feel the blindfold covering my eyes. Once I calm down, my whole body starts to ache. I‘m too afraid to notice that my torso has cuts and bruises all over it.

I start freaking out and start to move around in pain, slamming the handcuffs against the metal bar. "Ah, you're awake," I hear someone say after turning on the lights. It frightens me when I realize that it‘s a female's voice. Not that a female wouldn't do this sort of thing, it freaks me out because I know females can get more extreme and terrifying than males.

“Where am I?" I ask as calmly as possible. 

"That's not for you to know."

"Why am I here?" I ask and the lady laughs. Not a normal laugh that you would give when someone asks a dumb question, it‘s such a psychotic and horrifying laugh that you would think they belonged in an insane asylum because of their laugh. It terrifies me to the core. 

"You don't remember me, do you, Eren Jaeger? Do you not remember my husband?" She asks, removing the blindfold from my eyes. It‘s bright and it takes me a while for my vision to focus. She has long reddish-brown hair and her bright green eyes are dull. She is average height for a woman, and has the curves like one, too.

Call me perverted or whatever, but you can't tell me I'm wrong. She looks familiar but I just couldn't figure out who she was. I give her a blank stare that tells her I didn't recognize her. "Children, please, come downstairs," She continues and two children come down the stairs and through the doorframe.

One is a female, and the other is a male. The female looks about 17 and is also average height. Her hair is similar to her mother's mother's and so are her curves. She also has dark colored eyes. 

The male looks about 18 and he‘s tall with short black hair and bright eyes like the mother. I’m not gonna lie, he’s pretty cute. "I have another one, but he couldn't make it today. What a shame, he doesn't get to meet the person who murdered his father," She says with a sigh. My eyes widen and so do the kids'. 

“You're..."

"I am."

“I'm so sorry. I was only six, I was afraid."

"Afraid of what?" She asks coldly, her dull eyes filling with rage. 

"You don't know why I did that to him, do you?"

"Tsk, of course not!"

“Do you want to know?"

"W-well, I wouldn't necessarily say I don't, but yes."

"He was sexually harassing my mother," I growl and she tenses up. The look in my eyes tell her I‘m telling the truth, but the look in hers, tells me that she doesn’t care. 

"Bullshit!" She screams, slicing my stomach. I scream in pain, making the teenagers flinch and turn their heads away. 

"Are your children really okay with this?" I ask and she tenses up once more. She looks over to their children and they give a nod. 

"He murdered Father. He deserves to be punished," The male says monotonously. I've ruined their lives and I feel guilty. I didn't mean to, I was young and afraid. I really do deserve it, which is why I'm not going to be fighting back. They can hurt me all they want and if they want to kill me, go right ahead.

"I agree," The sister says. 

"May I ask a question?" I ask. 

“Sure," Marie, the woman, said with a roll of her eyes. 

"What's the date?"

"You don't know how long you've been in here?"

"Just tell me the date!" I yell, slamming the handcuffs against the metal bar, making the three flinch. 

"I-It's July 20th," She stuttered. My eyes widened, realizing how long it's been. I looked down into my lap.

“It...it's been a week...?"

"And I don't intend to let you out any time soon. Anyway, goodnight, Eren," She finishes as her children walk up the stairs. She does the same after turning off the light and shutting the door behind her, making sure that she stares me straight into the eyes.

My eyes are still wide with shock. I don’t know what to do. It's been a week and they haven't come for me. In all honesty, I'm not surprised. I'm just a useless pile of shit anyway. I don't belong in this world anymore. I've done terrible, terrible things, and my own boyfriend is terrified of me. Can I even call him that anymore? 

What about Mikasa? Can I call her my sister? What about friends? Jean, what about you? I'm guessing you hate me but I don't blame you for it. I'm a murdering bastard who doesn't care about anyone but himself. Marco, we've never gotten close, but can I still call you a friend? Sasha and Connie, I hope your marriage goes well if Connie proposes. 

I don't know what to do anymore. I'm alone again. I'm getting tortured again but this time...it's physically. But, whenever I get hurt, it feels so good that I just want more. A sadist masochist...huh. Interesting. 


	8. Chapter 7

**(Eren's pov)**

I wake up the next morning starving and dehydrated. My whole body is aching from the pain Marie caused me last night after her children fell asleep. I'm honestly not sure of all the things she used, but according to the bruises and scratches that are in lines across my chest, I assume she used a whip. My knees are sore and purple from kneeling for a week on this cement basement floor.

My eyes are stinging from my crying. Not only am I crying from the pain I‘m in, but I cry in fear. Are they really not coming for me? Do I really mean so little to them? They all hate me. I'm a monster I deserve this torture. I've committed a sin that will never leave my conscience. Every day I think about what I've done and started hating myself more and more every day. I was afraid to tell my dear friends because I thought that they would start to hate me.

I finally told them what I had done and then I got kidnapped. I'd like to say it was a coincidence, but I just got lucky. I smirk maniacally before chuckling. It‘s slow and gradual, but it turns in a deep and loud maniacal laugh. The door opens and I quickly shut my mouth and my eyes widen. _"What am I doing?"_ I think as the footsteps down the stairs get louder.

I know they aren’t Marie's because they sound different, they feel different. They are soft, light, and kind. The stranger stops in the doorframe, not turning on the light to the basement. My vision is still blurry from my crying, but I can still see the silhouette of the girl from yesterday. The light from the stairway illuminata her back, keeping the front of her body as dark as the basement was. Her elbows are slightly out to the side, but I cam tell that her hands aren’t on her hips.

She turns on the basement light, making me squint until I can see again. I notice she‘s holding a plate with a glass of water and a piece of toast. She reluctantly males her way over to me, clenching the plate so that her knuckles turned white.

She kneels down in front of me after reaching me. I look down at her hands to notice she‘s shaking. I ignore it as it's obvious why she would be scared and shaking.

She sets the plate on the floor after grabbing the glass of water. She puts it closer to my mouth and when I don’t do anything, she says, "Drink."

"Why?" I ask, my voice raspy from the lack of water and lack of speaking.

"You haven't eaten not drank anything in a week. It's not healthy."

“Why does it matter to you? I murdered your father." She tenses at my words. "I deserve this. I ruined your life. I'm a monster."

“You ruined my mother's life. I barely even knew my father. I was only three at the time. I didn't even know what murder meant."

"But yesterday you agreed with your family about torturing me."

"I didn't want to be a burden to them."

My eyes widen, remembering all the times I've told Levi, Mikasa, Jean, Marco...

**(Girl's pov)**

"Armin," I assume he says. He said it quietly so I wasn't sure what he said.

"Huh? Sorry, I didn't quite hear what you said."

"Sorry, it's...it's nothing. I just understand what you mean."

“You...you do?" I finally muster up the courage to look him in the eyes. My eyes widen and a blush threatens to crawl on my cheeks. Although they are tired, dull, and lifeless, they are still a beautiful turquoise and one is a brownish-green color. It may sound like an ugly eye color, but I think they‘re beautiful.

They slightly sparkle in the basement light. The bags under his eyes are dark and heavy and his eyes are bloodshot. There are cuts and bruises scattered on his face and dry blood runs down his nose, but he‘s still pretty damn cute. But, there is something in his eyes that seems so familiar to me.

"Here, drink," I said again, putting the glass of water closer. He softly put his lips against the rim of the glass. I tip it forward slightly so he can take slow sips.

"Thank you," He says after drinking the rest of the water.

“Eat," I demand, practically shoving the piece of toast in his mouth. He reluctantly takes a bite of the toast.

"You're very beautiful," He tells me, a blush quickly appearing on my face. "What's your name?"

"Jacquelyn."

"I think that's beautiful. It fits." Is he flirting with me? No, that can't be it. He's just being nice to me.

When he didn't say anything, he said, "I'm Eren." My eyes widen in realization.

"Is your last name Jaeger?"

"Uh, yeah."

“Do you not remember me?"

"Uh, no. Sorry."

I roll my eyes and pull my reddish-brown hair into a high ponytail using the hair tie on my wrist. His eyes show no sign of recognition as he gives me a confused look. I roll my eyes again. "I was your first girlfriend." His eyes finally fill with recognition but then change into sadness.

"I'm sorry," He finally says. It‘s quiet but full of guilt and sadness. When I don’t say anything, he says, “I didn't mean to hurt you."

I cup his face with my hand and start to caress his cheek with my thumb. He flinches at my action and I flash him a sad smile before speaking, "It's okay, Eren. I just want to know why you left."

"The thing is, I was only in my Freshman year and you were...well you were kind of in seventh grade. It wouldn't have lasted. Plus, I didn't want you to find out that I was the one who murdered Nile, your father. I felt like you were hurting just being with me." He chuckles before continuing, "And I was going through some mental issues."

“Oh, right. You were depressed and suicidal at the time. I kind of figured that might've been a reason."

He laughs at himself in embarrassment and his cheeks grow pink before speaking, "Also, you were my first girlfriend. I didn't really know what to do."

I ignore his statement because I was just worried about him. I finally speak, "How are you now? Like, are you okay, now?"

"I think so. I haven't self-harmed in a while."

"That's good. Any reason why?"

"Yeah, I found someone. We've been dating for over a year, now."

Sadness washed over me and I smile to show that I‘m happy for him. It‘a silent before I finally speak, "What are they like?"

"Well they're smart, strong, brave, kind of a jerk sometimes, but that's what makes them who they are, I guess. We go to the same college and we live in the same apartment. Mikasa came to visit us because the college she went to is out of state, but she's on summer break like I am. Oh, right, enough about me. They know how to make me happy, they know exactly what to do when I'm upset and I love them for it. Not to mention how good-looking they are, and their sexy body." He says with love in his eyes. I can really tell he‘s truly in love with whoever he‘s with. 

“Ah, that's amazing."

“What about you? Have you found anyone?" 

"Ah, no. I've actually been with my mother and trying to help her find you. Of course, I didn't know who I was looking for, but I don't go to school anymore. I dropped out of high school to help my mom."

"Oh, I see. I'm sure you'll find someone, though. You're beautiful and anyone would be happy to have you as their girlfriend."

"Thank you," I replies with a slight blush. 

**(Eren's pov)**

Jacquelyn and I talk all day while her mother is away at work. Marie only ever talks about Nile when she abuses me or whatever. I don't mind the abuse, it kind of lights something inside of me. I really must be going crazy. How can I enjoy this? Why am I so excited whenever I hear her footsteps coming down the stairs? Seriously, Levi. Come on, please. I'm going crazy without you. 

It’s late at night and Marie put the blindfold back onto my eyes and tied it so tightly around my head that I thought my head would explode. I still don’t mind the pain, though. I wonder what it would be like to inflict pain on another person again. 

My eyes widen and I shale my head. "Whatever are you think about, Jaeger?" Marie says, her tone deep and dark. By how close her voice is, I infer that she is kneeled down by my ear. I can tell that she‘s carving something into my arm, I just don’t know what. I'm already used to all this pain anyway. There's nothing she can do to make me yelp in pain anymore.

"Nothing, Dok."

“Use my first name," She says as she cut deeper into my arm, making me wince but not scream. I hear shuffling, inferring that she has stood.

"But what about Nile? Wouldn't he want you to use his last name, too? You still love him, don't you? Or, are you just an insane sadist who kept a fucking grudge." 

"Shut up!" She exclaims, kicking me in the gut, causing blood to spill out of my mouth and down my chest. "I swear to you that you will never in your whole entire life, you will never leave this place. You're never leaving and I'm keeping you here!"

"I'm sure you've said that to me plenty of times. I know, I"m not leaving."

"Bastard," She mutters before throwing a wrench at me and leaving. I had to get rid of her quickly or I would've done something to her. I don't want to hurt her. If I hurt her, I hurt Jacquelyn. 

I sit in the dark with the blindfold still on. It‘s so tight that the tears don’t even slide down my face, the blindfold just soaks up all my tears. What do I do? I'm actually going insane. 

**(Levi's pov) ~Plus a one week time skip~**

I haven't slept in two weeks. We still haven't found Eren and we even sent a search party to look for him but every day he wasn't found. They told us that Eren was dead but Mikasa and I refused to believe it. Eren can't be dead.

I have no clue what to do anymore. I hope he's okay. You're not dead, Eren. You're not dead. I know it. I can feel you. You're alive. 

I flop down onto my bed and does did the same on hers. "Where are you?" I mutter.

"He won't hear you, you know." 

"I know, I just hope he hears me at some point. I hope we can find him. I miss him."

"We all do, but there's nothing we can do about it right now."

"There is, Mikasa! We haven't even gone out of the city! Yes, this city is huge and all, but we haven't even gotten out of it! He could be out in the middle of nowhere with these creeps!"

"Levi, we haven't even scouted all of the city."

"Fine, I'm going out, then," I say as I stand and put on some shoes. 

"No, Levi. You can't."

"I can and I will.”

"Fine, then I'm not coming with you."

"I don't care. I'm going to find Eren and I'm going to prove all of you wrong. Just you wait." I grab my coat and walk out of the apartment and get into my car. "I'm coming for you, Eren."


	9. Chapter 8

**(Eren's pov)**

I open my eyes to see nothing but darkness. "Great," I mutter, knowing that I‘m still blindfolded. I‘m totally beaten up, but it's okay, I guess. Jacquelyn hasn't come to talk to me in the past two days. Is she ignoring me? Is she still afraid of me? I don't want her to be. Was that a lie about Levi? I did tell her that Levi and I are together, but it just doesn't feel that way.

I wish someone would notice my silent screams for help. I want help, I just don't want to ask for it. I want help but nobody knows it. I can't do this on my own anymore. I want—I need—help, but I just don't know how to get it. I just want to die. I hope no one comes for me like I wanted before.

_'It would be better for them—for you, anyway.'_

I take a deep sighing, knowing what's going to happen. "I know it would."

_'The world would be rid of a monster.'_

"I know."

_'So. I've noticed your eye has changed. That was my bad, sorry. I just really wanted to see your crazy side. It's a shame you haven't snapped much since we last talked.'_

"And it's a shame you're still wandering inside my brain. You're in and out all the time. Either stay for good or leave for good"

_‘I like torturing you, Eren, I've actually got deep into your sadist side. It's interesting. You're crazier than I ever imagined. Together, we could make a great team. We could rule a world like this.'_

"You just told me it would be better off if I were dead."

_‘That was before I looked deeper.‘_

"It's barely been a minute since then. I'm impressed you could look that far in such little time."

_'I've also been in your brain for like 14 1/2 years. I know my way around it.'_

"I know, I know."

_'So? What about it?'_

"If no one comes for me, then we have a deal."

_'I'll see you soon, then. You know no one's going to come for you.'_

"We'll see about that."

_'I guess we will.'_

"Who are you talking to?" A familiar male voice says. It takes me a while because I've only heard him talk once, but I realize that it’s the son's voice.

"Nobody. Don't worry about it."

"Sorry," He says and I hear footsteps walk towards me and stop, assuming he's in front of me. He squeezes my face in his hand as he studies it. "So you really are beautiful," He cooes in my ear, making me shiver. "You don't have to be afraid," He continues, kissing the top of my ear. "I'm sorry about my mother. She could be a bit crazy." He rubs his warm hand up and down my torso, tracing every bruise, burn, scar, cut, and scratch as one of his hands plays with my nipple. It’s just natural for a man to get aroused in a situation like this. "So you're into this?" He whispers into my neck.

He moves his hand from my nipple down my body until he reaches the waistband of my pants. He slowly slips his hand inside and rubs my hardening cock through the fabric of my underwear. He removes his lips from my neck. "You're absolutely stunning and your body is so sexy. My family is gone overnight and I'm here to watch over you. How about we have some fun, Pretty Boy?"

I’m too afraid to say anything so I let him do what he wants. "Why not? I don't care what happens to me anymore."

I can’y see anything, but I can feel him smirk before forcefully pressing his lips against mine. I freeze but then melt into the kiss.

_"No."_

Our lips start moving in unison, not wanting to break apart.

_"No. What am I doing? I can't. I can't. I can't. Why does it feel so good? Not right, just good. What is wrong with me? I'm so so sorry, Levi. I love you, I promise."_

“Do you want me to take off your blindfold?"

"No, it's okay."

"Oh~. So this is one of our kinks?" I don’t reply, afraid of the true reason why I want to keep the blindfold on would find its way out of my mouth. I don’t want to see him as I commit this awful sin. I...don't want to do this, but it's obvious he's not going to let me go and I don't want to look at his face.

Without warning, he presses his lips against mine again. It‘s hungry. Like he has been waiting for this moment his whole life. As we kiss, he rubbed his hand up and down my torso while one hand makes its way into my underwear.

I try to tell him to stop, that I don’t want to do this, but every time I try to speak, it comes out as a small whimper. However, my whimpers seem to turn him on more. He starts to rub me harder, obviously trying to make me moan.

He removes his lips from mine before I hear slight rustling noises. "Sit on your ass," He tells me and I reluctantly do so.

_"I love you."_

I feel him make his way into my lap before pressing our lips together again. He‘s finally able to sneak his tongue between my lips, making every space in my mouth his.

"Please."

He presses his bare chest against mine as we kissed.

"Please."

He removes his lips from mine and down to my neck. Sucking, biting, and licking, searching for my sweet spot. Once he finda it, I moan quietly but then quickly bite my lip to stifle the noise.

_"Forgive me."_

I feel him smirk again before getting off my lap. I start to hear more rustling noise. I‘m sweating badly, my cheeks were red, and I’m trembling. "You can kneel again. Make sure your ass is on your feet, though," He told me and I reluctantly did what I was told again. I didn't know what he was planning to do, but I just followed his orders. I didn't want to get hurt.

He presses his lips against mine again. He sits on my lap again and I tense when I feel his cock against my torso. "Calm down," He mutters against my lips. His lips remove from mine before trailing my body until he reaches my pants.

_"For I have sinned."_

He undos them but doesn’t pull them off. He lowers my underwear, giving my erection freedom. He gows lower and lower and then put me in his mouth, lightly sucking and licking it.

_"I love you."_

He starts to suck harder, forcing more of myself inside of him. I can’t see what is going on at all. I don’t know what to do. I can't stop him. All I can do is be the victim.

_"Don't hate me."_

"Levi," I moan.

"What?" My cheeks grow darker from embarrassment. "Is he your boyfriend?"

"W-well, y-yeah. I think so."

"Then why hasn't he come for you?"

"I...I don't know," I say as I turn my head away from him

He sighs before getting up and putting his clothes back on. "Let me help you," He says as he comes closer to me and kneels down. "Don't worry, I won't do anything. You're handcuffed so you can't use your hands to pull your pants back up." 

I sigh before nodding my head slightly. He pulls my underwear back up and zips and buttons my pants. When I don’t do anything he says, "So. About Levi. What do you like about him?" 

I’m extremely confused at this point. What is he talking about? He was just sucking my dick and now he's asking about my so-called boyfriend?

"What?" I ask.

"What do you mean, 'what?'?"

"I'm just...I'm confused. First, you were seducing me, two you were just sucking my dick, and now you're asking me about my boyfriend?" He sigh again, putting a hand against his head, rubbing his temple. 

"I'm just your therapist."

"But I don’t like therapy or therapists."

"I don't care. Tell me about your problems."

"I'm still confused. Why do you care so much?"

"You moaned his name. He must mean a ton to you."

"Why'd you seduce me in the first place?"

"Well, there's two reasons. One, you're a total hottie, and two, I didn't know you were already dating somebody." When I don’t say anything, he continues, "Now, tell me about him." I can stay up all night if you want."

"I guess it won't take that long. You'll need your rest. Anyway, I never got your name."

"Oh, right. I'm Joshua."

"Nice to meet you, Joshua."

"Likewise. Now, about Levi."

"Right. Well..."

Jacob and I ended up talking about Levi all day. Apparently, Jacob had eyes for someone, too. It felt nice to talk to someone about something. We tried to figure out a reason why Levi hasn't come to help me escape yet, but we couldn't find out a reasonable reason.

**(Levi's pov)**

I've been driving around outside the city for hours. I have no clue where Eren could be. I guess I haven't gone that far out. But how far could he have gone? I have a really bad feeling about this. Please tell me you're okay, Eren. I love you. I don't hate you. I love you. I can't wait to see you again. I'm going to prove everybody wrong. I just want you to be alright.

**~Time skip~**

It's about two in the afternoon now and I've gotten way out of the city. I at least know I'm not out of state yet. The state is too huge for me to be out already. I‘m sweating intensely and my vision starts to blur. I haven't slept in two weeks. I really need this sleep. I shouldn't even be driving. 

It's been about 30 minutes now, and I find a little house. "What's this doing all the way out here?" I mutter to myself. I scan the cars and I see one that I vaguely recognize. I pull over to the side of the road, a reasonable distance away. I walk up to the house and look around, just in case people are watching me. When I don’t see anyone, I slowly open the door and walk inside the house. 

The house is deserted and quiet. I know there are people in the house, though. I can feel their presence. I can tell it's dangerous here. If Eren is here, I need to get him out as quickly as possible. I quietly make my way around the house until I reach a certain door.

I hear talking through the door but it‘s soft and quiet. One of the voices sounds like an older woman and she sounds pissed. Another voice speaks and my eyes widened, recognizing the voice. _"Eren."_ I quietly open the door and silently make my way down the stairs.

One of the stairs creaks but luckily the woman doesn’t notice. The woman has long reddish-brown hair and bright green eyes. _"Isabelle,"_ I think. I know it isn’t her. They just look similar. I look down at her hands to notice she was holding a whip. I quietly make my way down the staircase again, just enough that I can peer my head around the corner.

What I see, makes the anger boil inside me. Eren is kneeling, his hands are handcuffed and he has a metal bar behind him. He‘s badly bruised, scratched, cut, and burned. He‘s covered in blood and is extremely pale, even for him. It‘s probably from blood loss. His face doesn’t look any better. He has a black eye and his lips are badly cut. His face has tons of small scratches and bruises on it. How can he look so hot so beat up?

I‘m too focused on Eren to notice that someone is was coming down the stairs until it‘s too late. The stranger puts a cloth with some chemicals over my nose and mouth and covers my eyes so I can’t see who they are, but I do see the lady turn to me and smile maniacally after putting Eren to sleep. But, that is all I see until everything goes black.


	10. Chapter 9

**(Eren's pov)**

_My eyes slowly begin to open and I sit up from my bed. From the tiredness, my eye-lids droop low. When I‘m fully out of bed and stretch, I rub my eyes like it will remove the tiredness I feel. As my eyesight begins to clear, I notice some bodies laying on the floor._

_Their bodies look limp. Blood pools out from them, staining their clothes and the floor. I look closer._

_Laying there is Mikasa, Armin, Jean, Marco, Sasha, Connie, Nile, Jacob, Jacquelyn, Marie and the rest of my friends. In the center lay my mother and father._

_All the blood drains from my face. My body begins shaking uncontrollably. My heart drums loudly like it‘s going to beat out of my chest any second. I look down at my hands as if my intense staring can stop my shaking._

As I do, my body becomes numb when I see blood running down my wrist to my fingertips. I see more blood staining the white shirt that I‘m wearing. _"Wh-what happened?"_ I think to myself.

_However, the words seem to linger in the air. They sound distant and short. "It was all you. You did it. You murdered your friends in this cold blood. Every one of them." I try to find the voice, however, I fail to do so. The voice sounds so familiar._

_Tears pour down my face, unable to comprehend what is going on. My eyes dart around to each body, feeling a pain of swirling guilt in my stomach. "Why? Why would I do this? I could never do something like this." I‘m becoming agitated, scared, and confused._

_I heard a choked cough from the corner of the room. I turn my head to see who is coughing._

_It‘s Levi.  
_

_My heart stops. Blood stains most of his body which is lined with deep gashes and bruises. "It's-" Levi stops to cough before continuing, "-right, you know." Levi's eyes look dull—no sign of life._

_"N-no! No! No! No!!" I exclaim, shaking my head in denial. This can’t be happening. Why would I do that? To Mikasa. To Armin. To Jean. And especially Levi._

_"It's because you're a sinful monster."_

I wake up screaming and I fly forward. The handcuffs pull me back, leaving a red mark on my wrists. Sweat drips down my face and my shaking is unstoppable. Tears course down my cheeks.

Footsteps can be heard from the wooden staircase. Running down the stairs comes Marie, Jacquelyn, and Jacob. Jacquelyn is the first and only one to reach me; unafraid of what I can do.

She has one hand on my back, rubbing circles on it after wrapping me in her arms. Marie and Jacob stand afraid, confused, and stunned. They are both pale and holding guns. I look around the room to see Levi chained up and his mouth gagged. "Levi," I say quietly.

He is looking at me with a worried look, turning my scared expression soft. "Please, ungag him. He doesn't deserve this. He had nothing to do with your husband's death. Keep me and let him go," I plead.

Marie smirks, taking out the gag. "Stand," She orders Levi and he does, sliding the handcuffs up the wooden pillar they are around.

"Eren," Levi says in delight. "I've been looking for you for over two weeks."

"So, this person is important to you?" She asks me. I reluctantly nod my head.

"What's your name, child?" She asks Levi.

"Tch, it's Levi," He replies with a roll of his eyes. How can he be so calm at a time like this?

"So you're Levi!" Jacob exclaims, pointing a finger at him.

"How do you know him?" Marie asks.

"Well, Eren and I talked about him last night."

"You talked to the man who murdered your father?!"

"I owed him anyway."

"For what?"

I can feel my cheeks slowly heat up. "Uh, nothing. Anyway, he is special to Eren. They're dating." Marie smirks before letting out a chuckle.

"This is even better. Now I can get my revenge. I can get rid of someone close to you like you did with me." She puts the gun up to Levi's head and he shuts his eyes tightly.

**(Levi's pov)**

I watch Eren as he sleeps. He’s sweating and trembling. He's never slept like that before, but even if he had, I will still be worried. The other people are upstairs, probably talking about a way to torture me, too.

Eren suddenly wakes up screaming which makes me flinch and he flings forward but the handcuffs stop him and pul him back. He‘s shaking more than he was in his sleep. Tears flood his face.

The other people come running down the stairs. Two of them are holding guns while the other runs up to Eren and embraced him. _"Don't touch him,"_ is all I can think as he darts his eyes across the room.

His eyes finally met mine and the fear leave his eyes after seeing the worry in mine. "Levi," He says quietly. He looks deeper into my eyes but then looks down at my gag before looking at the eldest woman. "Please, ungag him. He doesn't deserve this. He had nothing to do with your husband's death. Keep me and let him go," He pleads with her.

I‘m confused. I don’t know what’s going on. The woman smirks before taking out my gag. I don’t want to say anything yet. I kind of want to see how this is going to turn out. "Stand," She orders and I do so, sliding the handcuffs up the wooden pillar.

"Eren," I say in delight and relief, giving him a small smile. "I've been looking for you for over two weeks."

"So, this person is special to you, then?" She asks Eren and he reluctantly nods his head.

"What's your name, child?" She asks me.

"Tch, it's Levi," I reply with a roll of my eyes. I have to stay calm. For Eren. I want him to know that everything is going to be okay. I'm going to get him out of here.

"So you're Levi!" A male exclaims, pointing a finger at me.

"How do you know him?" The woman asks him.

"Well, Eren and I talked about him last night." Aw, how sweet.

"You talked to the man who murdered your father?!"

_OH._

"Well, I owed him anyway."

"For what?" The male blushes slightly and I look over at Eren. He isn’t looking at me nor anyone else as he blushes a dark shade of pink. Anger boils inside me and I turn back to the male, but then look back at Eren.

He looks at me apologetically with tear filled eyes. I can’t resist a face like that. "Uh, nothing. Anyway, he is special to Eren. They're dating."

"This is even better. Now I can get my revenge. I can get rid of someone close to you like you did with me." She puts the gun up to my head and I freeze, shutting my eyes tightly.

My hearing suddenly stops and so do most of my other senses. The only sense I have left is feeling so I can feel pain. I anticipate a gunshot to my head, but I never feel one. My shaking stops and I open my eyes slowly, hoping that I will be able to see. 

The first thing I see is a pool of blood by my feet. I move my eyesight to the side slightly to see Eren kneeling next to a blood-covered woman. He is shaking intensely, one of his hands holding a blood-drenched knife.

His wrists still have the handcuffs on them, but the chain connecting them is snapped in half. Like Eren broke them off the metal bar. I look over into a corner where I hear sniffling. I see the female who was comforting Eren, stuffing her face into the male's chest.

"I love you," I hear Eren mutter. I turn to him to see his shoulders moving up and down. I can’t tell if he was crying or if he‘s laughing. "I love you," He repeats, but this time I hear chuckling. "I love you, so much," he says, his chuckling turning into deep laughter.

He turns his head towards me. My eyes widen at what I see. His turquoise eye is no longer turquoise. It‘s the same color as the other. He smiles maniacally, laughing even harder than before. "I'm going crazy." He stands and slowly makes his way towards me. I tense the closer he gets to me. Once he reaches me, he leans into my body, his face in my shoulder.

I feel his body moving up and down while hearing muffled noises, once again not being able to figure out which one it as. He looks up to me and I see that his eyes are filled with tears. He gives me a peck on the lips but I don’t kiss back. I‘m still frozen in fear.

When he opens his eyes after pulling away, I notice that his turquoise eye is back to normal. He gives me a sad smile. "I'm sorry," He says silently, the tears finally flooding his face. The tears cleanse his face of blood slightly, the lines of tears noticeable on his face.

"Eren," I say quietly, not noticing his hands moving up to his chest, gripping tightly around the blade handle.


	11. Chapter 10

**(Eren's pov)**

_‘Looks like he came for you after all.'_

He's been looking for me this whole time and what happens once he finds me? He gets a damn gun to his head. _"You shouldn't have come here,"_ I think repeatedly and ever time I think, I feel myself getting crazier and crazier.

Marie looks at me, staring deep into my soul. Why is she hesitating? She's shaking. I‘m finally able to break eye-contact. _'Do it. Save him. Bring out your true self. If you don't, Levi will die and it will be your fault. He's the only one who cares for you. You can save him.'_ It stops to laugh. _'Just kidding. You can never save Levi. You don't want him to be saved. Wait, no. That doesn't seem right. Let me think.'_ It pauses for a split second. _'Ah, I know. You do want him saved so then you can kill him.'_

_"No. That's not true. I want Levi to live."_

_'You're in denial. Respect your fate. This is your true self. You, Eren Jaeger, is a psychotic killer.'_

_"No, that can't be true. No, I'm not. I would never do something like that to him. I love him."_

_'No, Idiot. That's all been a lie. You just needed a coverup. The person you are pretending to be isn't you. Accept yourself!‘_

_“No."_

I hear the cock of the small gun against Levi's head. Levi is still frozen in his spot. So it took her this long to build up the courage? Pathetic. Levi's eyes are shut tightly, he‘s sweating intensely, and he‘s shaking slightly. I swear I can see a tear from Levi's eyes. My blood starts to boil.

I dart my eyes around the room, looking for something I can use. My eyes stop at the end table closest to Marie. "Get away from him!" I yell, pulling in my handcuffs as hard as I can until they break. Luckily, Marie is too scared to do anything.

I sprint towards the knife on the table. Before anyone can act, I quickly stab Marie in the stomach. What am I doing? I can't move my body. It's moving on it’s own. _'It's because you don't want to stop. It feels good. Admit it.'_

_"No. I don't like it!"_

_'Then why are you still stabbing her? I've stopped controlling you.'_ I freeze. That couldn't be it, right? It's still controlling me.

_"You're lying."_

_'You thinks so? Stop what you're doing and you will know.’_

_"But I can't, you're-"_ I stop. _"Wh-what? No. No, that can't be. I can't be like this. Goddamnit!"_

'I told you.'

I get off if Marie and kneel next to her, clutching the knife in my hand.

_"I can't believe it. I am so so sorry, Levi. Levi. Oh my God, Levi. He witnessed it all."_

"I love you," I mutter. What am I doing? "I love you," I repeat. What am I doing? "I love you, so much," I say one last time before turning my head towards Levi. What the hell am I doing?

His eyes widen but I honestly don't blame him. He just witnessed a murder by his monster of a boyfriend. I‘m smiling and laughing like a fucking lunatic. "I'm going crazy."

I slowly stand and make my way to a terrified Levi. "It's going to be okay, Levi," I try to say but nothing comes out. I reach him and he‘s frozen in his spot, shaking slightly but not as much as I am. I collapse into his body, shoving my head into his shoulder. I’m chuckling slightly, making my shoulders move up and down. A thought runs through my head as I clutch the blade handle.

I give Levi a peck on the lips. He doesn’t kiss back which is what I expected. I linger before pulling away. Tears creep through my eyelids. I pull away and open my eyes to see Levi's handsome steel blue eyes staring back at mine. I’m convinced not to follow through with my idea for a split second until I remember what I did. He deserves a better life.

One without me in it.

I give him a sad smile. "I'm sorry," I say silently. "You don't deserve this," I try to say. "You need to be happy. Being here with me makes that hard. You shouldn't have come for me. You should've just left me here to die. You could've moved on and found someone better. You can find someone who's the polar opposite of the person I am. You can find someone that makes you happier than I ever could," I try to tell him, but again, nothing comes out.

I take the knife I‘m clutching in my hands and slowly bring it up to my chest. I know Levi can’t stop me because he‘s still handcuffed. I'm so sorry, Levi. I promised you I wouldn't ever do this but there's nothing I can do anymore. I've fucked everything up. I slowly pressed the blade into my skin, slightly breaking it.

_'No! Stop! What are you doing!?'_ I ignore it push it slightly farther in. _‘I fucking told you to stop!_ _What are you doing! Why!?'_

_"Why does it matter to you so much?"_

_‘I hate to admit it, but you are a great person, Eren. He came for you. Someone really does care for you. I promise you these things that I told you weren't a lie, but don't do this, Eren. I know I've told you the world would be better without you but recently, it's been me telling you to keep going. Let me tell you about your mom.'_

_"My...my mom?"_

_'Yes, your mom. I will tell you the truth.'_

I turn to Jacob and Jacquelyn and walk away from Levi, leaving him confused after taking the knife out of my torso.

The two tense once they see me walking towards them. "I-I'm s-sorry. I l-lost control," I tell them. However, they don’t buy it. Jacquelyn backs away and Joshua pulls out his gun. 

“Drop the knife," Joshua says angrily, however, his voice shakes in fear. I do as told and slowly put the knife on the ground.

"I-I promise, I'm n-not lying. Please, j-just let me unhandcuff Levi. P-please, J-Joshua, I'm begging you." I start to cry harder than I already am as I hold my stomach with my forearm to stop the bleeding.

“Move your arm." I do as was told and moved it. His eyes widened at the sight of my slightly stabbed stomach. The sharpest part of the blade slightly broke the skin and wasn't bleeding terribly, but there‘s still more blood than there should be. "Were you...?" I nod my head. 

“I promise you, Joshua. I'm not lying to you. Let me release Levi. And Jacquelyn, you don't need t-to be a-afraid. I-it's okay. I-I'm not going to hurt you. I had no control o-over my body wh-when I did that. Please, b-believe me."

She takes a gulp and lets go of Jacob's arm, walking closer to me. She doesn’t stop when she walked past Jacob. "J, what are you doing? Be careful, keep your distance!"

“Shut up, Josh! I dated Eren. You know that. I know him." She keeps walking towards me. She only stops when she stands right in front of me. She put her hands on my face as if she‘s checking to see if I‘m back to normal. 

“I love you, you know," I told her. Of course, she knows it’s not in the way that she wants it to be, but I really do. She‘s like a sister to me now. "After we broke up, you kind of just left without a trace and without telling me anything. I didn't even know Joshua at the time. It was you and only you and like I said when we first re-met, I was afraid to be with you. Mainly because I murdered your father and you had no clue and if you found out when we were dating, that would've ended terribly. I left you before you could find out, but I still never told you why.

“I know I told you it was because of my emotional reasons, which was true. I was dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts back then and I still am to this day. But, I also broke up with you because I was still exploring my sexuality. It didn't feel right, you know? I‘M so fucking gay. I'm so sor-" I get cut off by Jacquelyn pulling me into a hug, either laughing or crying. I can’t tell which one it was. 

She pulls away and I see that it‘s both. "You really are back, Eren. You seriously scared me. I don't care you murdered my mother. I was shocked before, but I don't care. She was a terrible person. She tortured you and I hated that. She never fed you which led you to be this skinny. I'm so sorry, you didn't deserve that. You deserve so much better. You can leave with Levi and Joshua and I will deal with this, right?" She turns to Joshua and he reluctantly nods his head.

“But I can't just leave this up to you. Call the cops and we'll explain everything together. If I get arrested, then oh well. I deserved this anyways."

"Eren, you can't be serious! This is a once in a lifetime thing! Getting away with two murders," I hear Levi say.

“Do you really think not getting caught is just getting away with it!? That is so so wrong."

"But you wouldn't get-"

"You don't understand! You've never murdered someone before! I've been bearing this burden on my shoulder for 14 fucking years. Just because I didn't get arrested because I was six, doesn't mean that I never thought about it. It doesn't just leave my brain and now since I've killed a second person, I will never be able to look at you the same."

“It was self-defense!"

"It would be if you were the one that killed her. Not this little piece of shit like me who doesn't deserve you! I've been afraid of telling you this because-"

"-I'm not leaving you because of this. I love you for who you are. I know you've always been a bit crazy and even though you're a murderer, I don't feel any different about you. This is who you are and I still love you. I told you that I will always love you no matter who you are. Believe me, Eren. I'm not ever going to leave you because of something like this. I love you and only you, Eren!"

"Levi, I-I'm so sorry. I wished you would never see me this way but I ended up showing you this side of me anyway. I don't deserve you. I'm a psychotic killer who deserves to be locked up. You should be happy without me because I'm-"

"You're not causing me pain! I already fucking told you that I love you and you make me happy now shut up and let me go!" I gulp, not knowing how to answer. I walk up to Levi and unhandcuff him. 

"I'm staying here with you guys. I'm turning myself in."

"What! Eren did you not just listen to any of that!?"

"I did, which is why I'm turning myself in. I just want to say how things will go. If we say it was self-defense like you said, they might only give me a month or so." Levi sighs in annoyance before answering. 

“Fine. But, I'm staying here with you."

"What!? Levi, you have to leave! You can get in trouble, too."

"I don't care," He stops talking to kiss me on the lips. "We stick together. Through thick and thin, until death do us part."

“Amen," I giggle.

“Amen," He chuckles.

“Did you call the police, Jacquelyn?" I ask her and she nods her head.

“They said they were on their way about five minutes ago so they should be here in about twenty minutes," she says.

"But you're really far out from the city," Levi says.

“Yeah, apparently they are already out looking for someone because this other person told them that their boyfriend went out of the city to look for them," she replies.

"Mikasa," Levi sighs in relief with a chuckle. 

***

The police finally arrive as they came rushing down the stairs. I look around to them all when I notice Mikasa. She sees me drenched in blood and she goes me wide-eyed. I run up to her and we embrace. "You're covered in blood! Did you do this?" She asks me and I nod my head slowly, my eyes starting to fill up with tears again. 

"I'm so sorry, I know I told you I wouldn't ever do that again but I couldn't control myself. She...she was going to kill Levi. I couldn't just sit and watch without doing anything."

"I understand, Eren. I understand."

“Are you Eren Jaeger?" A police officer asks from behind me.

“Yes, that's me, sir."

“I'd like you to come with me."

He takes the broken handcuffs I have on off and puts new ones on. He brings me in front of him and he puts his hands on my shoulder. I look back to Mikasa one last time before looking at Levi. He gives me a hopeful smile like he‘s telling me everything is going to be okay and we're going to go back to college and be a normal couple. I wish that‘s true. The look in his eyes tells me he‘s actually worried about me. "We're going to be together," I mouth to him. 

"Good luck," Joshua whispers when I‘m next to him. I stop walking.

"Thanks, I'll need it," I whisper before the police push me forward, forcing me to walk.


	12. Chapter 11

**(Eren's pov)**

“We got lucky," I sigh, pressing my fingers against my temple.

“Yeah, and we should be happy that you're just on house arrest," Levi says as we turn a corner.

"But I have to stay 15 feet away from you at all times once we get back." Levi glances over to me and puts a reassuring hand on my thigh before glancing back at the road. Shivers send down my spine as he rubs it, telling me how much I really missed his touch.

"Well, we should be thankful that they even let me drive you back to the apartment."

"I guess," I sigh. "Oh, do you want me to drive? You shouldn't be driving on over two weeks without sleep."

"I'll be fine. You're not in much of a state to drive either." I look at all my band-aids over my body and numerous bruises before looking at my wrapped up stomach.

"Well, at least I slept a few hours in those weeks you didn't."

"You were missing! How could I...No, how could you sleep knowing that you're not with me." I snicker. 

"Self-centered bitch."

"I don't know, go get tortured and cry non-stop for over two weeks. Then come back and tell me the answer," I smirk.

"Tch, smartass." I lean over and kissed Levi on the cheek, making him smirk slightly.

“You love me," I say in his ears with a smile as we reaches a red light. He turns his head towards mine and our lips met. I kiss him back deeply, forgetting that we were in a car...at a red light.

We only pull away when the car behind us honks. I let out a soft laugh and Levi lets out a small chuckle before driving. "I do."

It takes about another 30 minutes until we arrive back at our apartment. Once we settle in, we turn on the TV. Since there are going to be cameras placed around the apartment, Levi and I can’t pretend that we are 15 feet away from each other at all times. 

We sit across the room from each other, our eyes focused on the show we ate watching. "So, who was that girl?" Levi asks, his eyes still focused on the TV.

"O-oh, that's Jacquelyn. We dated when I was in my Freshman year and she was in seventh grade."

"You? Eren Jaeger, date a girl? Whoever would've thought that you weren't always gay. You're as gay as they come," Levi chuckles and finally looks at me as I throw a pillow at him.

"Shut up," I mutter. "I wasn't always gay, but I was still searching for my sexuality. I did always have this thought that I was gay, though, but I said I was bisexual."

"Why? Being gay is nothing to be afraid of."

"It's not that I was afraid and nor was I ashamed, just at the time I thought I didn't care if it was a guy or a girl I dated, but..."

“But...?"

"But after a while...it just...didn't feel right, you know? But after I broke up with her, I realized that I didn't love her like I thought I did. We were really close but she wasn't the one who was always on my mind nor was she the one I dreamt about."

"And who would that be?" I look down into my lap and Levi waits for me to speak. 

“Jean," I finally say.

"Oh," is all Levi says before taking a sip of his beer. After sitting for a while, Levi stands from his chair and over to mine. 

"Levi, what are you-" I‘m cut off by Levi pressing his lips against mine.

_“You're Eren Jaeger?" The head police officer asks._

“ _Yes, that's me," I reply._

_"So you are being accused of murder?"_

_"Uh, no, actually. I was turning myself in."  
_

_"Ah, interesting. Anyway, I can see on these files of you that you murdered Nile Dok, the husband of Marie Dok—the suspect—at age six, correct?"_

_"Correct."_

_“Why did you murder this man?"  
_

_“"He was sexually harassing my pregnant mother, sir."  
_

_“Was he drunk?"  
_

_“I believe so, yes."_

_"How much did he drink?"_

_"I have no clue."  
_

_"Huh, okay. So, I won't punish you for that since you were so young. As for now, though, you are 20 years old as of this past March 30th. Is that correct?"_

_“Yes, that is correct."  
_

_“So, you're an adult now and you could go to jail."  
_

_"I know, sir."_

_“I have a question." He leans back in his chair, putting his hands behind his head, showing his muscles. He’s quite handsome if I do say so myself. For being the head police officer, he's young. He seems about late twenties._

_He has bright blue eyes which are always a turn on for me. He had brown hair that was in an undercut like has, except his hair that would be hanging over his forehead, are slicked back along with the rest of his hair, showing the underparts. He‘s wearing a light blue long sleeve that he rolled up to slightly above his elbows and the police vest that hugs his body tightly. He has very chiseled features with a sharp jawline and a strong neck. He also has a british accent that drives me wild._

_"I'll have an answer." I reply. The man smirks before asking me his question._

_“One of my men said that you had broken ones on before these ones," He stops and points at the handcuffs. "Correct?"_

_"Yes, sir."  
_

_“Why?"  
_

_"Why did I have handcuffs on or why were they broken?"  
_

_“Answer both."_

_“Okay. Well, as for me having them in the first place, I was kidnapped a little over two weeks ago."_

_"Yes, yes. You're the missing kid...Or, more preferably 'were'."_

_“Correct. Well, I didn't wake up until a week after I was kidnapped. Or at least I think I woke up. I still don't know for sure if I was awake then but don't remember anything or if I just woke up. Anyway, when I did wake up, I was hit with like...a wave of pain all over my body and my back was against a metal bar. I tried to move my hands and that was when I realized I was wearing handcuffs that were behind that metal bar."_

_"So who was the kidnapper?"_

_"Marie."  
_

_“Why?"  
_

_“She said it was something about revenge since I was the one who murdered Nile she was 'avenging' him or something."  
_

_"What did she do to you while you were there?"_

_“She beat and tortured me. She never fed nor gave me water. I was starving and dehydrated until Jacquelyn came and gave me a piece of toast and water."_

_"Who's Jacquelyn?"_

_"Their daughter."_

_"And what is your relationship with her?"_

_“We dated while I was in my Freshman year."_

_"How old was she then?"_

_"She was in seventh grade."_

_"I see. Go on."_

_“Right, she fed and gave me water every day while her mother was at work and we would talk. That's all we really did."_

_“Marie has two other children, correct?"_

_"I believe so. I only know Jacob but I don't know the other one. They weren't there at all. Kind of like they were avoiding the house."_

_“Okay, so now get to the point on why they were broken. Did you break them, did someone else cut them, or...?"_

“I broke them."

_“Woah, how!?" He asks, leaning closer to me and seeming genuinely intrigued_.

_"Well, I should probably tell you that I'm pretty crazy in the head."_

_"I figured."_

_"Gee thanks," I say, flashing him a smile and he flashed one back. Shit._

_It takes me about 45 minutes to tell Jayden—I had just recently found out his name as we were talking—about what I remembered. It took longer than I thought because he ended up asking personal questions in the middle of the conversation._

_He also seemed pretty fascinated by me being gay. He might've seemed...happy? I don't have any time to be thinking about it, but could he...? He also asked me about how I came out to my parents which I told him a funny story when it's actually quite sad._

_I didn’t even know what sexuality was when my mom died so I never could've told her I was gay. My dad just found out by chance. God, life really sucks. Doesn't it?_

_"Anyway, back on the topic we were on. Earlier, when we were talking, you said that you had a negotiation? I already know what I'm going to do, but I'd love to hear it," Jayden asks me._

_“O-oh, okay. Well, I sort of overreacted when I said it was a negotiation. I basically just wanted to say that it was all self-defense so I was going to ask you if I could...get as little jail time as possible?"_

_"Sounds like a negotiation to me. I was going to let you go anyway."_

_"Are you serious??"_

_"Yeah, I told you I already knew what I was going to do. I'm letting you go but only two conditions," He starts, putting up two fingers to signify 'two'. "Condition number one, you're on house arrest."_

_"But-"_

_"-I know you go to college. Your roommate will tell your teachers that you're extremely sick and unable to leave the bed. He will gather homework for you to do at home."_

_"Okay, what's the second condition?"_

_"You have to stay at least 15 feet away from non-police officers. There are police officers already putting cameras in your apartment." He stops and leans on the desk we are across so our faces are inches apart. "If we catch you not following these circumstances, we will arrest both you and your roommate."_

_"Sir—Jayden, that's not fair! Levi didn't do anything! He's a victim!"_

_"Would you rather be locked up? With two murdered like this, it could be over 30 years."_

_"Are you blackmailing me?"_

_"Maybe. Now, what do you choose?"_

_"How long am I on house arrest."_

_"Until we say so."_

_"Tsk, fine. I'll take up on your offer." He flashes another handsome smile at me and I feel my face heat up slightly. Fuck._

_Jayden walks me out to where Levi will be, but pulls me into a corner, putting his knee between my legs and resting his forearm above my head on the wall. He grabs my chin and forces me to look up at him. I never realized he‘s actually this tall since he’s been sitting the whole time. He might be taller than Erwin. "You should be very thankful that I'm doing this. This is very rare," He whispers in my ears, sending shivers down my spine. He moves his face closer so our lips are almost touching. He slowly put our lips together and my eyes stayed wide open. I didn't pull away because I was too shocked to do anything._

_"You drive me crazy, Eren. We barely even know each other but I'm just so attracted to you. God, Eren. Lend yourself to me." He moves in again and captures my lips in his._

_"I can't."  
_

_“Eren, please."  
_

_"Jayden, I can't."_

_"Why not, Eren?"_

_"I'm dating Levi." He suddenly stops and pulls away. He takes a few step backwards, making sure there is some distance between us.  
_

_"Shit, I'm sorry. He must be waiting for you, then." He stops to clear his throat. "Well, I uh, should probably let you go to him."  
_

_“Thank you," I reply quietly before turning on my heel and walking away.  
_

_"Eren wait," I hear him say.  
_

_“Yeah?" I asked him.  
_

_"I really am sorry. I don't know hat came over me. I totally lost my composure. But remember, 15 feet."_

_15 feet._

_15 feet._

Oh God, 15 feet. 

I haven't told Levi that he would get arrested, too. "Levi, stop," I plead but he doesn’t stop. He keeps sucking, biting, and licking on my neck, leaving his love bites. "Levi," I half moan half plead. "Levi," I demand this time, finally finding the strength to push him off me. 

“What the fuck?" He asks me. His eyes full of lust, confusion, but mostly anger.

What the hell have I done?


	13. Chapter 12

**(Eren's pov)**

"Levi, how many times do I have to tell you that I'm sorry?" I ask Levi. Levi is currently distancing himself away from me more than he needs to. "I don't understand the big deal. We're supposed to stay 15 feet away from each other. I could get arrested! Stop doing something for your own satisfaction for once!"

"Eren, I'm not-"

"-Shut up, Levi! You didn't even ask me why I pushed you off! You don't even think about the fact that you will get arrested if you come near me!" I quickly shut my mouth with my hands, realizing that I never told Levi about it. 

"What'd you say?"

"Well, I uh-There is this-Levi, I'm sorry I never told you. I...I never told you everything that happened at the police station," I stutter. I don’t really know how to tell him what happened at the police station. How am I supposed to explain it?

"Spill it, Jaeger." Crap, now he's really mad at me. He hasn't used my last name in a long time. The last time he called me by my last name was when we got in that huge fight over a year ago. There is no way I can miss any little detail. Levi knows me better than I know myself. He can see through anything I say. "While you're at it, explain to me about the male that was comforting Jacquelyn."

Oh great. "Well, which one do you want me to tell you about first?"

"Let's do Jacob first." My body tenses slightly, not wanting to tell him about the sin that I committed. "Ah, so this is going to be interesting." Levi crosses one leg over the other, leans back, and rests his elbow on the top of the chair he‘s sitting on. Well, isn't he in for a treat.

I finally sigh after a long silence. "Well, it was yesterday. Jacquelyn and Marie were out doing something that they weren't going to be back until the next afternoon."

"What was he-"

"-Joshua."

" _Joshua_ doing? Why didn't he go?"

"Because Marie told him to look after me."

"Okay. Continue."

"Right, well..."

I spend the last 20 minutes telling Levi what Joshua and I had done, although, it was more Joshua. I look up from my lap that I‘be been staring at the whole time and notice that Levi has moved his position. He isn’t sitting up straight, and is slumped over on the edge of his chair. His elbows are rested on his knees and his fingers are intertwined, putting his chin on his hands. I look up to see his facial expression and let's just say it isn’t pretty. 

His face isn’t soft like it used to be. It‘s flushed with anger and a little bit of sadness but the emotion I saw most, is betrayal. I knew Levi would feel this way, but it still scares me and still makes me unhappy to see him like this. 

**(Levi's pov)**

"Why didn't you stop him?" I finally ask, my voice shaky.

"Did you think I was in a state to stop him?"

“You could've said something!"

"What would you have done!?"

"I would've told him to fuck off! I would've told him that I'm already in love with someone else!"

"He ended up stopping, didn't he!?"

"You...Eren, you really think that just because he stopped I would forgive you and we would be the same!? That's total bullshit and you know that. Everything stops at one point. Even relationships."

"Wait, Levi, you can't be-"

"-No, I'm not breaking up with you."

"Thank God, Levi. I wouldn't know what I would do. Levi, I've been trying to tell you how sorry I am. I'm so stupid for not stopping it. I've apologized so many times and I just want you to forgive me. I didn't want to hurt you. I didn't want to do anything to do that. I was too weak to stop him. Please, believe me, Levi. I will do anything to make you believe me. I want you to trust me. I want you to know that I'm not lying to you. I even moaned your name," Eren says the last sentence quietly, but he still looks me in the eyes. My eyes light up slightly and my face slightly heats up and my lips quivers upward slightly, threatening to move my muscles to make me smile. However, it quickly vanishes. 

"Just tell me what happened at the police station," I demand and that's what he does. "So...This so-called 'Jayden' blackmailed you into staying away from me because he was attracted to you? I mean, I'm not mad at you this time because you did tell him to stop before anything serious happened, but why didn't you tell me that I would get arrested, too? I wouldn't have done that. I'm sorry, Eren. But pushing you off me doesn't do you any good. I'm still mad at you. Don't expect me to talk to you," I say, my voice shaky again. I don’t want to say those words but he committed a sin. He almost... _practically_ had an affair. He knows I don't deal well with anything like that.

He apologizes to me throughout the whole day and I get kind of annoyed because he yells it from across the apartment since we have to be far apart and I distance myself from him. He also tries to talk to me when I’m drinking my tea and reading a book while listening to my music. He can be really annoying sometimes, but he's so persistent that I think it's adorable. What am I going to do about this? This can't go on forever.

**(Eren's pov)**

I finally give up trying to win over Levi's forgiveness. I've been trying all day but I just can’t do anything about it. He's such a stubborn prick and I both hate and love him for it. Right now, I'm sitting in the dark in this room that we never use. It's at the very end of our apartment and we never use it since we have no use for it. 

It‘s kind of like a guest room, but I guess it sort of isn’t. There‘s a bed, but it‘s small and it didn't look like a regular guest room. There‘s a bathroom attached to it and the closet is huge. I don't know why Levi and I don't use this often. It would be a nice relaxing room. There's also a TV in here. 

I haven't used the TV in this room ever since I've been in here. Levi actually didn't even cook me dinner. He put something in the microwave but not enough for me. He didn't even tell me to make something myself. If he told me he didn't feel like making me something then I wouldn't be mad, but now I'm pissed. 

Not at just myself, though, at Levi, too. I don’t know what to think about what's been happening. I know it was wrong on my part, but I just didn't know what to say. I didn't know what I was supposed to say. I just hope Levi forgives me at some point, even if it's not today.

A thought and presence comes into my head and I perk my head up from the pillow my face is stuffed into. "No, I couldn't do it. I promised Levi," I mumble to myself. 

_'But don't you want to feel pain? Don't you want to bleed? You are a masochist, after all._ '

"Not that way. I promised Levi and I have been keeping that promise well. I can't break it now."

_'Then just abuse yourself. Take out the stitches on your face.'_

"But I would just have to go get them replaced."

_‘So?'_

"I'm on house arrest."

_‘Ah, that's correct. But Levi does stitches...right?'_

"I have to stay 15 feet away from him."

_'......Pussy.'_

"Fine, fine, I'll do it! Just calm down."

_'You're a great kid.'_

Levi is in the shower anyway. He hasn’t showered in a while so I'm glad he‘s taking one. I took one when we got home so I‘ll just take another one tomorrow if I felt like it. I might not, though. 

I walk over to the mirror after turning on the light in the room. I look at my face and think, _"It's hideous. Kill it. You would be doing people a favor if you just disappeared because then no one would be able to see your hideous face."_ And I’m right. I don't know how Levi could live with someone like me. I have bags under my eyes, I have bruises and cuts all over my face along with a few stitches but not many. 

My eyes were disgusting I hated Heterochromia. I didn't know what to think of them. Why do I have to have two different colored eyes? **(A/N: SO I JUST WANT TO MAKE THIS CLEAR THAT I DO NOT HATE HETEROCHROMIA! I WISH I HAD IT MYSELF BECAUSE I THINK THAT IT'S BEAUTIFUL. I LOVE HETEROCHROMIA EREN JUST THINKS EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM IS UGLY SO THIS IS FOR THE STORY! PLEASE, NO HATE!)** I want my turquoise eyes back...not this monstrosity. 

I shut my eyes tightly, putting my hand against my head before looking back up into the mirror. My hair is slightly longer and I quickly walk out of the room and grab some scissors. Luckily Levi is still in the shower so it isn’t so awkward if he decides to ask what I‘m doing with the scissors. Before walking back into the room, another thought goes through my head. This time, I‘m going to follow through with this idea. 

I finally reach the mirror in the small room that seems gigantic and look in it. I grab the scissors and bring it up to my hair, cutting it slightly. I sigh. I kind of did miss my old hair. It may make me look 18 again, but looking younger is better than looking older, right? 

About 20 minutes later I look back into the mirror to see my short hair--although I made it slightly longer--once again and blood dripping down from my lip from the stitch that I had just taken out. I lock eyes with myself and click my tongue in disgust. I pick up the glass of water that I recently got and as I do so, my turquoise eyes flashed brown but then back to turquoise. "What the fuck?" I think, tumbling backward, dropping the glass of water which makes the glass shatter.

My head is pounding and I‘m sweating. My shaking is won’t stop and I can’t stand up. It‘s like all my movements have takes a halt. I close my eyes softly and relax slightly.

_'This is who you are. No need to be ashamed.'_

The voice is somehow...calming. It’s like no one can hurt me right now. Until I feel an arm go around my waist and pull me onto their lap, wrapping an arm around the top of my chest, just barely below my neck. "You're bleeding," Levi says deep and soft.

“You're not supposed to be this close."

"Shut up, brat."

"Seriously, Levi." I try to move my way out of his grip but he tightens it around me. He grips my shoulder with his fingers and shoved his other arm undermine and intertwines our fingers. He puts the side of his face against my neck. "Levi-"

"-Shh. I'm here now. You can relax."

These words...calm me more than the other words that I had heard before. This feels so wrong because we can get arrested, but it feels so right because I feel so safe. I don't want to hurt Levi and I intend on keeping that promise.

“I love you."

"I know. I love you, too."

My eyes are still closed but feeling his body against mine makes me feel something that seeing never could.


	14. Chapter 13

**(Eren's pov)**

I slowly open my eyes to the sound of my phone going off. Levi's arms are wrapped around my waist and his face is nuzzled into the back of my neck. _"Great, now how am I supposed to move?"_ I think. 

I slowly remove Levi's arms from my body and he groans and turned away from me, putting the covers over his body. I softly sigh in relief and get out of bed before answering my phone. "Hello?" I ask.

_"Hi, Eren. Sorry to call you so suddenly. It's Jayden."_

“Oh, hi. What'd you call for?"

_“Meet me at the cafe near your apartment. I need to talk to you."_

"Okay?"

_“I'm just leaving my apartment."_

"I'll see you soon, then," I say before hanging up. I walk out of the room and put on my all black clothing that I usually wear, before writing a note for Levi. I grab the car keys before walking out of the apartment. 

When I arrive at the cafe, I see Jayden sitting in the back corner table. "Hey," I say as I walk up to the booth.

"Hey," He replies.

"What'd you need to talk to me about?" He gestures towards the spot in front of him.

“Sit, it might be a while." As I reluctantly sit, the waitress comes up to us with a notepad in hand. 

“Hi, I'm Jessica and I'll be your waitress today. What would you guys like?" She asks.

"Just a cookie dough milkshake is fine," I say.

"Good taste. I'll have the same, thank you," Jayden says.

“I'll be right back with your shakes." And she walks off.

“So...?" I asked.

"Right. You and Levi are what I wanted to talk to you about. It wasn't even three hours and you guys start banging each other." I blush, looking away from him in embarrassment.

“It...it wasn't like that. I ended up following your circumstance, right?"

"Not really. You guys fucked last night. I like your hair, by the way. You look sexier with it shorter," He smirks, leaning on the table, making the gap between our faces smaller. I blush a little more and moves backward, making the space larger.

"We didn't fuck, we just made out partially naked," I say, rolling my eyes.

“Fully, might I add."

"We had our underwear on, shut up," I chuckle and he does the same. I feel calm with him. Not as calm as I am with Levi...but calm. He knows almost everything about me because of my files, but he still chooses to see me in person and not just talk to me over the phone where he's safe.

"Anyway, I need to talk to you about that."

“What about it?"

"I was just joking about that whole thing,. You know, about staying 15 feet away from non-police officers," He stops to chuckle. "I knew you would try to follow it. I just wanted to see if you're as good a person I thought, and I thought correctly. Although, you do have some problems."

"Like what?"

"Well, you undid the stitches I put my whole heart and soul into." We finish our fries that we ordered halfway through our conversation and decide to walk around the park that was nearby.

This park has been a huge part of my life. It was the park that Levi and I first confessed our slight feelings together. This is also the park where I opened up to Levi about my dad, the day after I got raped. I never thought that it would end up like this. Levi and I living in the same apartment...being in love. Being the happiest we could ever be. It still baffles me that Levi and I are like this. I never thought that we would be this close and he would still love me for who I am. I love you, so much, Levi.

"Thank you, by the way. I appreciate it," I say, taking a sip out of my milkshake.

"Yeah, well, I did want to be a doctor," He replies with a shrug.

"Really? What happened?"

"My father was the head police officer and he really wanted me to be a cop to take over his position but," He stops to take a sip of his cookie dough milkshake. "It wasn't my dream."

"But then what?"

“My father died during a dangerous case and that was when I decided to start being a police officer. To avenge my father and finish what he started. I'm going to get rid of all the criminals for him. To make him happy."

"So uh..."

"No, not you. You're not a criminal.

“But I've murdered people."

"Well I mean, yeah you're a criminal, but not one that should be locked up. That doesn't change any aspect of your personality. You're still a caring and smart young man who will do anything to save others. You murdered Marie because she was going to kill Levi, correct?"

"Well, yeah. I love Levi. In all honesty, I would probably kill myself if he died," I chuckle nervously.

"Come on, don't joke about that stuff. My mom died of suicide."

"Shit, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to...yeah."

"It's okay. I know you didn't mean any harm." 

Jayden and I walk past the bench where Levi and I fought a few times, basically switching off between who storms off. But, it's also the bench where Levi and I confessed. I stop in my tracks, looking at the bench, tears forming in my eyes because of the good and the bad memories. No wonder why I like cookie dough ice cream and milkshakes so much. It's because Levi and I shared one the day we confessed.

I take a sip out of my milkshake, not knowing that the tears in my eyes have made their way down my face. "Hey, you okay?" Jayden asks, putting a hand on my shoulder. I flinch at the action before slowly shoving it off.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I reply blandly.

“How about we sit down and-"

"-No!" I exclaim, not wanting to sit down on that bench. I only sit on that bench with one person and one person only, and that spot belongs to Levi. "Sorry, I just...that bench is special to me."

"Well, why don't I join you on this special bench?"

"I have to go to the bathroom anyway."

“Oh, uhm I'll walk you," He says as he grabs my wrist and pulls me. I release myself from his grasp before catching up with him. We end up throwing away our milkshakes since they are practically gone anyway, and the garbage is close to us. We get to the bathroom and right before I walk in the bathroom, I feel a hand on my wrist and turn me around so I‘m facing Jayden. I walk backward, not wanting to be so close to him but he follows.

He pins me against the door frame of the bathroom. He lowers his head and starts to kiss my neck softly. "Jayden, stop," I plead, trying to shove him off of me but I can’t find the strength to do so. His kisses get more rough as he trails up my neck to my jawline, peppering it with small kisses before reaching my lips. "Jayden," I plead again.

He closes the gap between our lips. I don’t know what to do. I can't stop him. I can't find the strength to do anything. Why? Why is it that the one time I need the strength, I don't get it? 

I need to do something. He's not going to stop kissing me even though it's obvious that I'm not kissing back. That I don't want to kiss him back. "God, Eren. Why am I so attracted to you? This is so bad but it feels so good. Levi won't mind if I take a bit of you...will he?" He mutters against my lips. I shiver. Of course, he will you jackass.

He moves his hand under my shirt and up my chest, playing with my nipple. I whimper. I don’t know what to do. Oh God, Levi please don't be mad at me. I can't stop this. Levi, please. I don't have the strength. My head is throbbing. I'm sweating. I'm shaking. My lungs are burning. I'm scared. I'm terrified...please. Believe me. I'm not enjoying this. Trust me.

He removes his lips from mine and I‘m finally able to breathe again, but it doesn’t last long as he pressed his lips hungrily against mine again. I‘m going to kiss him back. 'You can't have me.' I want to say but I don’t have the strength to speak anymore either. 

I start to breathe again when he removes his lips from mine. "I want you, so bad. Eren, satisfy me," He cooes as he spins me around so now he‘s leaning against the wall. He‘s straddling me, not letting me escape. I can feel his hardened cock against my ass. He pulls down the upper part of my shirt, exposing my shoulder as he started to kiss it. I shiver again.

He moves from my shoulder to my neck and start kissing it rougher than before. My eyes widen when I moan after he finds my sweet spot and I can feel him smirk against my neck. He sucks on that part harder than before, getting another moan from me before I bite my lip to stop the noise from coming out of my mouth. 

He slips his hands down the front part of my jeans, playing with me softly through the cloth of my underwear. I bite my lip harder, knowing that the moan is going to come out at some point. What do I do? I'm powerless against him. He's stronger than Levi. Surprising, I know. I'm sorry Levi.

He removes his hand from my pants but then put it back in, getting past my underwear. I shiver once his warm hand touches me.

"Jayden. Please, stop," I finally get out but he doesn’t stop. "Jayden," I say again. "Jayden!" I exclaim, making him flinch. He pulls his hands out from my underwear and my jeans before letting me go. I‘m sweating and blushing intensely as I turn towards him. He puts a hand on his forehead and looks down to the ground, not daring to look me in the eyes. 

“God, Eren. I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over me. You just...turn me on so much. You don't understand." He stops and looks up at me, looking straight into my disgusting eyes. "I just want every inch of your body and I'm not going to give that up. I'm going to still you from Levi if it's the last thing I do," He finishes before turning on his heel and walking off.

Shit, this isn't going to be good.


	15. Chapter 14

**(Eren's pov)**

I‘m walking back to the cafe, Jayden's words replaying in my head over and until I walk past a glass window that I can see myself in. I look at my neck to see that Jayden left a few love bites on my neck. I start to have a panic attack. I start to sweat again, my hands start to shake uncontrollably, tears forming in my eyes that slowly make their way down my face and I collapse. My legs stop working, afraid of what would happen when Levi sees these hickeys on my neck, nothing is going to end well.

I look around at all the people staring at me and I start to shake more. My cheeks flush in embarrassment as they also look at the many hickeys visible on my neck. I look around the plaza to see a makeup shop near my car. I stand slowly, hoping my leg muscles will start working. Luckily, they so and I walk over to my car and grab a scarf that I usually have in my car just in case.

However, it's super hot today, so this may be a little suspicious. Fuck it. I can't have Levi see this or he'll start a riot. I don't want that idiot to do something that an idiot like him would do.

I walk into the makeup shop and look around to find the concealer. I have actually gotten considerably good at putting on makeup because I do it a lot for college to hide the hickeys Levi gives me. He gets so damn protective that it's adorable; However, I don't know how his overprotectiveness is going to work out here. It might turn out for the worse at this point. 

I finally reach the concealer and look for my shade until I fins it. I pay for it and tell the cashier my thanks and hurry over to my car. I quickly get inside and drive to the apartment. I grab the bag quickly and run up the stairs to the top floor of the apartment where our room is. I’m too impatient to take the elevator, and I may end up running into Levi. 

I walk into our apartment and look around to see Levi. He‘s sitting on the couch he usually sits on, drinking his tea, listening to his music, and reading a new book. I swear this guy reading a different book every day. Is he even human?

I run into the room we were in yesterday because I know Levi will only look in that room if I‘m in there. He's actually been avoiding this room but I don't understand why. It's a really cozy room and the bed is fucking comfortable.

Anyway, I put the makeup on the dresser where the mirror is and open it slowly. I do have darker shades but that‘s when I’m not so freaking pale. 

Luckily, I know how to blend thinks to make it more realistic. I finally finish putting on the makeup and walk out of the room after putting the makeup in the drawer. Honestly, I think I do a pretty good job. It doesn't even look like there is anything there. For a guy, that's a huge accomplishment if you don't use makeup that often.

I walk into the room where Levi is still reading his book and sit next to him. He takes out an earbud and looks at me. "I thought you were supposed to stay 15 feet away from me?" He asks with his eyebrow raised.

"Well, Jayden told me that he was joking about that whole thing," I say with a chuckle, scratching the back of my neck.

"Wait when did you meet up with Jayden?" He sits up straight, putting down his book and pausing his music before taking out his other earbud. 

"W-well we ran into each other when I was out." I didn’t put in the note that I was meeting up with Jayden because I know Levi would’ve gotten jealous and looked for me. I honestly couldn't have dealt with that right then, but I did end up wanting him to come for me when Jayden was harassing me.

"You didn't even put in your note what you were doing out."

"Yes, I did. I told you I was going to the cafe."

"Then why didn't you take me?"

"You were asleep."

"You could've woken me up. I would've been happy to go to the cafe with you. Sit in the back corner table like we used to when we were still in high school." He puts a hand on my thigh, rubbing it softly. Damn. Every touch and every embrace makes me shiver in delight. However, something about his touch feels different. It feels soft, distant, and...angry?

"I just wanted to be alone, Levi. There's a lot going on my mind."

"I know, I know. You could've just added more detail."

"I know, I'm sorry," I said before kissing him softly on the lips. 

**(Levi's pov)**

I wake up to see Eren no longer in my arms. I groggily get my way out of the bed and walk out of the room before putting on some clothes. I walk into the kitchen, hoping to see Eren when my hope vanishes after seeing a note on the table. 

"Levi, 

I'm going out for a bit. I'll be at the cafe to clear my mind. I'll be back soon.

I love you.

~Eren."

I sigh softly before flopping down onto the couch, already bored without Eren here. It's been about five minutes that I decide to go meet him there as a surprise. I want him to clear my mind with me. I walk out of the apartment and start to walk down the street since I don’t feel like driving. 

However, when I got to the cafe, I see Eren and Jayden walking out of the cafe with, what I assume, two cookie dough milkshakes. I quickly run behind the end of the cafe when Jayden looks my way, and I hope he didn’t see me. Eren's shorter hair blows in the wind slightly, the sun shining on it to make it look like a lighter brown than it actually is. 

Once I know I‘m out of their sight, I move away from the building and start to follow them. They are going to the park that Eren and I have tons of memories with.

I wasn't mad at first, just slightly upset, but now I'm just mad that Eren would bring a pervert like him there. 

I follow them deeper into the park as they talk about God knows what. But, they are laughing a lot. I haven’t heard Eren's real laugh in so long. It makes me more upset than angry at this point. 

However, they reach the bench where Eren and I have had multiple fights and stopped talking for a few days or a week but never lasted long. But, it‘s also the bench where I had first kissed Eren and when we confessed in high school.

Things really have changed. Eren hasn't cut, nor has he been telling me about his suicidal thoughts lately. He doesn't seem as sad anymore. Of course, depression just doesn't go away overnight so yeah, he's still sad sometimes, but he's happier than I've ever seen him. And it all started when we moved into the apartment together.

Eren stares at the bench for a while, not having a clue what he's thinking when Jayden comes behind him and puts a hand on his shoulder. Eren flinches slightly but puts his hands on top of his. I can’t tell if he was shoving it off, but not like it mattered.

Eren does say something, though. It‘s the only thing I did hear. He exclaims 'no' for who knows what? They start talking more until Jayden grabs his wrist and pulls him away but Eren looks around the park before taking his wrist out of his grasp.

I decide to follow them a little longer until they stop at a bathroom. Eren is going to walk in when Jayden grabs his wrist and forces Eren to look at him. Eren backs up, not sure why, until he‘s cornered between the wall of the bathroom and the doorframe...if that makes any sense. 

Jayden starts to kiss Eren on the neck and at first, I thought that Eren would push him off, but he eventually doesn’t. He really looks like he‘s enjoying it. His face says it all, blushing and slightly smirking. Is he...? No, that can’t be. Eren won’t do that to me. He loves me...right?

I can’t handle any of this any longer and I turn around and go back to the apartment. I quickly run back up onto the top floor apartment room and grab my earbuds and put on some Panic! At the Disco, which is one of my favorite bands of all time. I walk into the kitchen and make myself some tea before grabbing a new book that I haven't read yet and start reading it as I sit on the couch. 

However, reading for me right now is really hard because of the thoughts running through my head. I can’t get Eren and Jayden out of my head. Maybe it's just a misunderstanding? Maybe they just ran into each other at the cafe. Maybe Jayden started harassing him like before. I don't have any context so I can't assume anything yet. But, I can have an idea about it...right? 

***

I‘m about halfway through my book when I hear the door open and shut. From the corner of my eye, I can see that it’s Eren holding a bag and wearing a scarf. I make a clicking noise with my tongue. He wasn't wearing a scarf before. 

20 minutes later he comes out of the room that I would never go in unless he was in there, and into the main room and sits next to me. I take out an earbud and look at him. "I thought you were supposed to stay 15 feet away from me?" I ask with an eyebrow raised. 

"Well, Jayden told me that he was joking about that whole thing," He said with a chuckle, scratching the back of his neck.

"Wait when did you meet up with Jayden?" I sot up straight, putting down my book and pausing my music before taking out my other earbud. I don’t want him to know that I knew he was with Jayden. I don’t want him to be suspicious or anything. I‘m still mad at him. 

"W-well we ran into each other when I was out." Yeah, sure you did. 

"You didn't even put in your note what you were doing out."

"Yes, I did. I told you I was going to the cafe."

"Then why didn't you take me?"

“You were asleep."

"You could've woken me up. I would've been happy to go to the cafe with you. Sit in the back corner table like we used to when we were still in high school." I put a hand on his thigh, rubbing it softly. Every touch and every embrace makes me shiver in delight. However, I can tell that he knew something is off with the way I touch him. It‘s soft, distant, sad, angry, confused, and so many more emotions.

"I just wanted to be alone, Levi. There's a lot going on my mind."

"I know, I know. You could've just added more detail."

“I know, I'm sorry," he says before kissing me softly on the lips. 

I sigh before flopping down onto the couch. How am I supposed to confront him about this?

**~Two week time skip~**

Eren has been going out every day for the past two weeks but I haven't bothered to get check in on him. He's supposed to be on house arrest, but if he's with a cop it's okay, so I'm guessing that he's always with Jayden. I don't know what to think about that. 

Eren is actually here today because he has to catch up on all his homework, and he‘s sitting on the couch with the coffee table in front of him. It has layers of homework that he had been procrastinating. He‘s distancing himself from me. We‘re kissing less. We‘re cuddling less. He doesn't let me get near his neck or his chest, or anywhere, really. 

Today is the day I‘m going to say something about it. I have to say, I'm kind of nervous. I don't know how things are going to go. I really hope they go well. I hope he answers my question truthfully. 

I sit across from Eren on the other couch that is on the other side. He looks up from his homework for a moment and locks eyes with me. I really do love his two different colored eyes. I think they're the most beautiful thing in the whole world. Don't get me wrong, I've always thought Eren's eyes are the most beautiful thing...but this is something different. It sends a whole different meaning about him. 

He looks away from me and sadness come over me. It's slight, but we don't keep eye contact as much as we used to anymore. I don't think he understands how much he makes me happy when we make eye contact. Is it because of his eye color? No, that can't be it.

Damnit, Levi. Focus. You're going to confront your boyfriend about this. You're going to do it right now. No matter what.

"Eren," I say.

"What?" He asks, looking up from his homework.

“I need to talk to you."

"Can't it wait? I'm in the middle of doing homework."

“But it's really important."

**(Eren's pov)**

Levi's voice when he speaks sounds shaky, sad, angsty, stressed, and many more negative emotions. I know this has to be serious. Especially if he's taking my attention away from my homework. "Fine," I sigh, putting down my pencil and looking up to him.

My eyes widen slightly when I see that they are slowly filling up with tears. He can't be...

**(Levi's pov)**

Well...here it goes. I hope he doesn't leave me.


	16. Chapter 15

**(Levi's pov)**

"Are you cheating on me?" I ask. My voice is shaking... _I’m_ shaking. I‘m sweating. I‘m on the verge of a breakdown. I‘m terrified. I want to know the truth. Eren stares at me in worry and confusion.

"Wh-what are you talking about? Of course, I'm not. I would never do that to you. I love you, Levi. Why would I ever do something like that?" He asks in confusion. His voice is also shaky like mine, but not as much.

"You've been so distant. You're rarely here anymore. I know you're out with Jayden." He tenses up slightly but I choose to ignore it.

“What? How do you know that?"

"Because you're supposed to be on house arrest and the only thing that could get you out of the house is if you were with a police officer." It takes me a moment but I realize that he‘s wearing a scarf. It's 80 degrees outside and we're inside our apartment at the moment. "Why are you wearing a scarf? You know you can't hide those hickeys from me."

"Wh-what? What hickeys?" He tries to ask in innocence.

“Eren, who do you think I am?" I ask as I rip off the scarf off of his neck to show multiple hickeys. "I'm not a fucking idiot. Tell me the truth right now. Are you cheating on me!?"

"No, Levi. I'm not cheating on you! Why would I do that to you!?"

"Am I not good enough for you!? If you want to leave then there's the fucking door!" I scream at him, pointing at the apartment door. His eyes slowly fill with tears but they don’t fall down his face yet.

"I already told you, I'm not cheating on you! Trust me! Love is built on trust but if you can't believe me then do you really love me? You can't actually be serious. Do you think I'm the kind of guy to cheat on someone?"

"Well, you're the kind to murder someone!" My eyes widen and the tears I kept in my eyes flow down my face and I clasp my mouth shut.

“What did you just say?"

"Nothing, Eren. I didn't mean it. I'm scared, tired, stressed, depressed, and so many other things. I didn't know what was going to come out of my mouth. I just want to know if you're cheating on me."

"I already told you, Levi. I'm not cheating on you! Believe me for once!"

“You really don't know that I was there while you guys were at the bathroom two weeks ago," I mutter quietly.

“What? You were there?"

“Of course I was! I was going to go to the café to surprise you but I saw you and Jayden walking out of it and I followed you. Now explain to you what happened that day and why you didn't tell me."

"I can't tell you, Levi."

"Then I'm breaking up with you." My voice is shaky. I don’t want to say it but if he can’t tell me, then he's definitely hiding something from me. His eyes widen and the tears that were threatening to fall finally course down his cheeks.

“N-no, Levi, you can't leave me. I need you. You're the only reason why I'm still alive right now. If it wasn't for you I would've killed myself years ago. I would've been able to join my mom, my dad, and Armin but I chose you because you were more important to me than they were. You're the most important thing in my life."

“If I'm the most important thing in my life then why can't you tell me this!?"

"I just can't, Levi!"

“Then I'm leaving."

**(Eren's pov)**

_"No. Please stay."_ Levi stands off the couch in front of me and puts on a jacket. _"Levi. I need you."_ He walks towards the door after grabbing his phone. _"Please, don't leave me."_ "I can't tell you because he's blackmailing me!" I finally say and he freezes. "Wh-what you saw two weeks ago was none of my doing. He harassed me."

"Why didn't you tell me!?" He exclaims, spinning himself to face me.

"I...I didn't want you to worry. I didn't want to start a fight or anything."

"But it started a fight between us! What if he's doing this to take you away from me?" I freeze. I never thought about it that way. I mean, he did say that he was going to take me away from Levi.

"Goddamnit, how could I miss that? He even told me himself that he was going to take me from you," I mutter quietly, standing up slowly.

"He said that?"

"He...he did. It was two weeks ago."

"You said he was blackmailing you, though."

"He...he said that if I didn't spend my time with him, he would make your life a living Hell. I couldn't do that to you. I'd rather destroy myself with these..." I motion to my hickeys. "...Then destroy your life. I promise there's nothing going on between us. Please, believe me."

“How do I know if you're lying?"

“You don't. Trust me, Levi. Put yourself in my shoes. What would you do?"

"I...I would tell you to trust me. If this is all true."

"It is, Levi! I keep telling you over and over and over." Levi stared at me as if he was thinking what to say. 

“Fine, I believe you. I'm sorry, Eren. I was just afraid and stressed. I wanted to believe you from the beginning but I was just...I don't don't know. I'm sorry," He reluctantly says as he walks up to me and pulls me into a hug. "I love you, so much," He muttered, staring into my hideous eyes. His phone goes off and he grabs it out of his pocket before looking at it. "Hey, I'm going out for a bit. You don't need to come with me, but feel free to," He says with a small smile.

"No, it's okay. I have tons of homework to do. I mean, you did distract me with a stupid question."

"It wasn't stupid. It was a perfectly reasonable question." He rolls his eyes and I roll mine back.

"Fine, fine. Now shoo, I'm trying to focus," I laugh and he chuckles in response before giving me a peck on the lips and walking out of the door.

I sigh before flopping onto the couch, my forearm covering my tear filled eyes. "That was close," I mumble as the tears start to fall down the sides of my face, soaking into the couch. 

**(Levi's pov)**

I walk into the cafe and saw who I came to see. I walk up to them and sot down. "What did you need me for?" I ask.

"Aw, can't your ex just want to see you in a while?" They ask with a pout.

“No, they cannot. I don't need you. I have Eren. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll be going back now if seeing me is all you wanted."

"Levi, wait."

"What?"

"I can't talk about it here. Let's talk about it outside. But, please stay with me for lunch. My treat." I give them a suspicious look but they look sincere, so I agree. "Thank you, so much."

"You're welcome, I guess."

We sit and talk in the cafe for about an hour about what it used to be like when we were together, when we weren't, and all our lives after and before that.

Don't get me wrong, mine and Eren's relationship is the best I've ever had, but the one between us two was flat-out amazing. They made me feel like I belonged. Not as much as Eren, but it still happened.

Thinking about our relationship kind of makes me sad. We had a lot of fun times while we were together. We went skiing, one time and I remember that they fell off their skis... and I don't know. It was just really funny to me. Eren and I never went out a lot because of Eren's depression. I didn't mind that most times, but sometimes I wish he would go out. I never tell him about it, though, because I know it'll just make him more upset and more guilty about it. 

When we finish our food, we walk out of the cafe and to the side of it where they want to talk. "Now, tell me what you need so I can get back to Eren," I say annoyed.

"Aw, calm down. You seemed to be having a good time when we were inside the cafe. Can't you be the same out here?" 

"This is the real me."

"Huh, still like when we dated."

"Stop bringing that up. You moved out of town to become a doctor even though you didn't even follow that dream. Plus, you're older than me by like...what? How old are you now?"

"26."

"You're older than me by six years. That wasn't going to work out well. Yes, we loved each other but it's nothing like the love between me and Eren. We only dated for like seven months. Eren and I have been dating for almost a year and a half."

“But we would still be together if I didn't move away, correct?"

“I don't think so. You wouldn't even have gone to the same school as Eren and me."

“But I could've lived in your house with you."

"Just get this over with. What the hell do you want?" They sigh before pushing me into the wall behind me, holding my chin so I‘m facing them. Their beautiful bright blue eyes staring back into my steel-blue eyes. "Let go of me."

"You know, the whole thing about taking Eren away from you was a lie," He cooes in my ear as he kisses it. "Well, partially."

"What do you mean 'partially'?" I ask as he pecks me on the lips but I don’t kiss back. 

“I mean, that I really did want to steal him from you, but that was just to get him away from you. Once he left you, I was going to throw him away like the piece of trash he really is, and then go after you. If Eren was gone, there would've been a big chance that you would've come back to me. Your first male boyfriend, Jayden. The one who brought out your true sexuality. You should be thanking me that you and Eren even happened. If it wasn't for my seducing, you would've shunned Eren and never talked to him." He kisses me on the lips again but then lingers. 

"Shut up. That's not true."

“Really? Tell me it isn't," He says as he lean down to my neck and starts lightly kissing it.

"It's not true." My voice shakes. He moves from my neck back up to my lips. He won’t leave my lips until I kiss back. 

"Tell me the truth. If Eren was gone out of your life, would you come back to me?" He mutters against my lips. 

“No. I didn't love you the way I love Eren. I'm never leaving Eren and that's a promise that I made to him two years ago," I mutter against his lips. 

"Tsk, fine." He pulls away. "I'll keep doing what I'm doing and take Eren from you then. I don't mind a piece of trash in a while."

"He's not a piece of trash, asshole," I say as I turn and walk away. I hear him laugh from the corner but I ignore it.


	17. Chapter 16

**(Eren's pov)**

I sigh before flopping onto the couch, my forearm covering my tear filled eyes. "That was close," I think as the tears start to fall down the sides of my face, soaking into the couch. I'm so glad that the fight is over. He was so close to leaving me. I didn't know what to do. I had to stop that fight as quick as possible. Any more of that and he could've left me for good.

***

I’m sitting on the couch with my head in my hands when Levi walks into the apartment. He slams the door shut and angrily takes off his jacket before neatly putting it on the coatrack. "Hey, are you-" Levi cuts me off by forcing his lips on mine.

_'"What do you mean 'partially'?" Levi asked before Jayden pecked him on the lips.' It takes me a while because of the shock, but I finally kiss him back._

Our lips are moving in unison as he pins me down to the couch, holding my hands above my head. He slowly snakes his tongue in between my lips and starts a war in my mouth. Levi, of course, wins the war and quickly wins dominance. His tongue explores the cavern of my mouth, making sure he gets every centimeter of it.

He slowly removes his tongue from my mouth, a string of saliva connecting us together. He makes a clicking noise with his tongue, wiping his mouth before mine. He moves up to my ear and starts to kiss it softly.

_'"You know, the whole thing about taking Eren away from you was a lie," Jayden cooed in Levi's ear before kissing it."Well, partially," Jayden continues.'_

He moves from my ear back to my lips before connecting them again. These kisses ate different. They are hungry, needy, and...angry? I kiss Levi back with the same amount of force.

There is something about these kisses that are not like him. However, I still moan into the kiss and Levi smirks as usual.

_'"I mean, that I really did want to steal him from you, but that was just to get him away from you. Once he left you, I was going to throw him away like the piece of trash he really is, and then go after you. If Eren was gone, there would've been a big chance that you would've come back to me. Your first male boyfriend, Jayden. The one who brought out your true sexuality. You should be thanking me that you and Eren even happened. If it wasn't for my seducing, you would've shunned Eren and never talked to him." He kisses Levi on the lips again before lingering.'_

He slowly removes his lips from mine and starts peppering my jawline with an abundance of kisses. He moves his lips down to my neck and starts to kiss it lightly.

_'"Shut up. That's not true," Levi SAys, his voice slightly shaky. "Really? Tell me it isn't," Jayden says as he leans down to Levi's neck and lightly kisses it, earning a small whimper from Levi that Levi probably didn't even notice.'_

Tears slowly filled my eyes.

His eyes are still closed as he moves back up to my lips. I don’t start kissing at first, but then I started to kiss back.

_'"It's not true," Levi says, his voice is shakier now and Jayden kisses him on the lips but doesn’t leave. I stare intensely at Levi's lips when he kisses his back. My eyes fill with tears.'_

Levi moves one of his hands that ate holding my arms up down and trails the side of my body, slowly moving up my shirt. His lips stop for a moment to breathe before pressing it against mine again.

_'I turn around to leave when Jayden speaks and makes me freeze, "Tell me the truth. If Eren was gone out of your life, would you come back to me?" I wait for Levi to answer as I peer around the corner again. Levi isn’t looking into Jayden's eyes, but nor does he see me. He‘a looking down at the ground, looking for an answer. The tears fall down my face and I sprints back to the apartment, not waiting any longer for Levi to respond.'_

The tears slowly start falling from my eyes to my cheeks and then down onto the couch where it soaks up the salty liquid. Levi doesn’t notice anything that is going on as he lifts up my shirt so my bare chest is showing.

He removes his lips from mine and moves down to my bare chest, sucking on my nipple slightly. I start to slightly shake as I moan in delight. He moves from my nipple, giving small kisses to my chest, down to my stomach, and then down to my V-line.

I start to shake harder and Levi stops before opening his eyes and looking at me. His eyes that are filled with lust fills with worry and concern. "Hey, hey," He says quietly, moving his hand up to my cheeks to wipe my tears with his thumbs. I start to cry harder. "Eren, calm down. Talk to me."

We both sit up and Levi puts his arm around me. "Why didn't you tell me?" I ask quietly.

"Tell you what?"

“That you and Jayden dated."

"How do you know that?"

“I overheard your conversation at the cafe. I finished all my homework before you got back so I decided to go out to the cafe to relieve some stress. But, when I got there you and Jayden walked out of the cafe and talked in the alleyway next to it. That's where I overheard your conversation."

"Ah, I see."

“Is that all you have to say?"

"Well, no. I'm sorry I didn't tell you, I just didn't want you to stress out over it."

"But, if you told me this probably wouldn't have happened in the first place. I wouldn't have even agreed to go to the cafe with him two weeks ago."

"I know, I realize that now. I'm so sorry. This is my fault."

"No, no. Levi, it's not your fault. Not all of it, at least. I take part in this. I could've refused to talk to him. I could've refused to do the things that I did."

“But you did it all for me."

“Because I didn't want to make your life a living Hell."

“But you made your life a living Hell full of sexual harassment by the pervert Jayden is."

"I would rather that than have your life destroyed because of me." He leans his head on top of mine.

"I love you, you know."

“Yeah, I know. I love you, too."

"Soo, you're not cheating on me with Jayden."

"Of course not," I chuckle.

"Okay, good. I just had to clarify 'cuz I was kinda confused."

“Aren't you always?"

"Tch."

"I love you."

"I know. I love you."

“I know I say this a lot, but I'm really happy that you're in my life. My life wouldn't be the same without you. Also, I feel like I should thank Jayden."

"And why's that?" Levi asked as he pet my head.

“Like he said, he brought out your true sexuality. I should be glad that he did that because then we wouldn't be dating."

"Nah, you probably would've turned me gay."

"Sorry, that's supposed to be the other way around. You're the hot one."

“I...You're right. My bad," Levi chuckles and I respond with a chuckle.

"God, you're the greatest."

"I know."

"Let's go out?"

"Arcade?"

"Definitely."

***

"Stop it!" I laugh as Levi tickles me for winning him at the arcade. We are playing PacMan and I get a higher score point than him. It was really funny because he threatened me like we did when we were still Seniors. I really missed this between Levi.

Also, Jayden let me out of house arrest. We called him before we went out and he finally decided to let me out of house arrest. 

I can finally go back to my Sophomore year of college. Honestly, I'm kind of afraid of what'll happen once I get back. What will Jean say to me? Will we get in a fight and stop talking again? I haven't talked to him since the night a month and a week ago. I haven't dared call him but I just assumed that he thought I was sick like the whole school thought.

Levi and I are walking over to the DDR machine hand in hand when I notice that two people are already on it. I stop and Levi turns around to face me with a confused look. "Are you okay?" He asks. My cheeks grow red from the memories and I slowly nod my head as the two stop dancing, wiping their sweaty foreheads with their forearms. 

I gulp once the female looks at me. "Eren!" The female exclaims as she runs up to me and pulls me into an embrace. I look at Levi and then to the other teen as they turn their head around to see me. They flash me a smile before walking up to Levi and me.

"Hey, Pretty Boy," The other teen says. Levi instantly removes his fingers from mine and put his arm around my waist.

“Hey, Joshua," I say with a small smile, rolling my eyes at Levi. 

"He has a name. Use it," Levi says coldly.

"You told him what happened, didn't you?” Joshua asks.

"Yeah, sorry. I tell Levi everything," I say.

“Almost everything," Levi mutters and I elbowed him in the side. "Ow," He mutters which gets a small snicker out of me. 

Hi, nice to finally meet you without...you know," the female says with a smile, putting out her hand for him to take. 

“Yeah. I know. It’s nice to meet you, too," Levi replies, shaking her hand. "It's interesting to meet your gay boyfriends first girlfriend," Levi chuckles. 

"First and only girlfriend, might I add," I chime in. Jacquelyn and Joshua laughs while Levi lets out a small chuckle. 

"Anyway, what are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be on house arrest, Eren?" Joshua asks.

“I just got out today," I reply. "What are you guys doing here?"

"We come here to play DDR and a few arcade games occasionally."

"Oh yeah, where are you living now?"

"We're living in an apartment nearby. We're going to start high school soon."

"Are you sure? You'll be really far behind from the others."

"I think we'll be fine. I dropped out only at the beginning of sophomore year. That was when my mom really needed help. Josh was in his junior year. Plus, we have our older brother that can help us. He moved away a while ago to become a doctor and we haven't seen him since. But, he told us before he left that if we needed help with anything, to call him and he'll come help."

"Sounds like a good brother." I smile with envy. I've always wondered what it would be like to have another sibling. I mean, I had Mikasa but that's just not the same. We're not related. If only I hadn't murdered Nile then I would've had a little sibling.

I look over to Levi and he looks at me with a look that asks, 'Are you okay?' I nod my head slowly but he doesn't buy it.

"We should really get going," Levi says as he pulls on my wrist. "We have to study." 

"Bye," I say quietly and they wave 'goodbye' in response. 

"What's up?" Levi asks. 

"What do you mean? I'm fine," I respond. 

Levi rolls his eyes and pins me against the wall. "I'm not buying it, Eren. I know you're not okay. Talk to me."

"I just...want a little sibling. I want to be the older brother who helps their younger sibling. I want to be the older brother who beats up their boyfriends or girlfriend whenever they get hurt. But, because of me that's never going to happen."

"I'm sorry, Eren. I don't know how to help you, but I'm here for you. Like I've said before, until death do us part."

"I know. I just...yeah. Sorry, I just want to rest before I go back tomorrow."

"That's understandable." Levi pulls away from the wall and takes my hand in his as we walked back to the apartment. 

Well, good luck to me tomorrow. I'm going to need it. 


	18. Chapter 17

**(Eren's pov)**

I wake up next to Levi early the next morning. Oddly enough, we aren’t cuddling but nor are we separated. We are faced away from each other but our bare backs are touch, feeling his heat emitting off his skin. I look at my phone to see it’s 8:30 in the morning. "Shit," I mutter, hurrying out of bed, waking up Levi.

"Hngh.~ Eren? What's up?" Levi asks, rubbing his tired eyes with his forearm as he sits up, the covers slowly falling from his chest and onto his lap. I run around the room, stumbling trying to put on my black skinny jeans while looking for a shirt.

“It's 8:30. We're late!"

"Oh shit," Levi says as his eyes slightly widen and he hurries out of bed. Levi quickly grabs a shirt and throws one at me as I finish buttoning my jeans. Once I get my shirt on I quickly brush my teeth and wash my face before putting on my shoes, Levi not that far behind me.

We hurriedly make our way to Levi's car as he starts it and drive off. "Ugh, what a way to start my first day of Sophmore year of college," I mutter.

Oh yeah, Mikasa left the day that I killed Marie and the police came because her flight was right after that. I miss her already.

Levi and I run into the classroom and take our seats in the back. "Glad you guys could make it," The professor says.

"Sorry sir," Levi and I say simultaneously. 

"Anyway, we're just taking notes so get your notebooks out."

Levi and I get out our notebooks and glance at each other and chuckle slightly. I look around the room to see Jean looking at me, but once we make eye contact he quickly looks away.

Time passes by and the class finally ends and Levi and I are going to go to our next class when I see Jean and Marco leaning against a wall. "I'll be right there. I'll meet you in the classroom," I tell Levi and he nods my head as I make my way to Jean.

Jean and Marco sees me and they both tense as I stop in front of them, looking at the ground. "Hey," I say quietly, not meeting their eyes.

"Hey," Marco says quietly. Jean says nothing.

"I'm sorry."

“It's ok-"

"-Yeah, you should be!" Jean exclaims, making me flinch.

"I know I kept that secret from you, but I promise you that I'm not like that anymore."

"Then what about two weeks ago?" He asks angrily and I perk my head up.

"What? What about then?"

"You were the one who murdered Marie, weren't you?" Jean asks angrily, but quieter so people can’t hear.

"How do you know about Marie?"

"It was on the news but they said that the murderer wasn't caught."

"Well, they were."

"How am I supposed to know that?"

"Because I turned myself in and they let me go."

"So it was you!"

"Just...let me explain everything after today, please."

"You know, I was somehow still worried about you when you disappeared. It was the day I yelled at you and made everyone else turn on you. Levi called us that night to see if you had come over to my dorm but I told him you didn't. Then, when I saw that you were missing on the news I couldn't calm down."

"That's good to know. I'll see you after classes," I reply before spinning on my heel and walking away.

"Don't you think that was a little harsh?" I heard Marco ask Jean.

"No. I don't," Jean replies before I hear their footsteps walk away. 

I sigh as I sit in my seat next to Levi. "Are you okay?" Levi asks. 

"Yeah, I just talked to Jean," I reply.

"Guessing it didn't go well?"

"Well, it went better then I thought it was going to go. I'm talking to him about these past two months after classes."

"Luckily we only have three classes today."

“Yeah, I don't know about Jean, though."

"Doesn't he have the same schedule as you just different classes?"

"Oh, you're right."

The rest of the day I‘m too unfocused to do anything in class. Levi notices I guess and talks to me between our second and third classes. I told him it was about Jean, which it was, but I guess it wasn't the full truth. I don't know, there's a lot I have on my mind. I want to figure out who the third child of Marie is, who they are, and where they are. 

"Hey," I say to Jean as I walk up to him.

"Hey," He replies. "So where'd you go off to two months ago?"

"You may not believe me, but I was kidnapped." Jean rolls his eyes and shifts his weight onto one foot, crossing his arms.

"That's bullshit."

"No! I swear! It's the truth," I say as I tell Jean the rest of the story and why I did what I did. By this point, we are sitting on the ground because it‘s practically an hour and a half of talking because he kept interrupting me. 

"Wait wait wait. So Marie, the wife of the man you murdered when you were six, kidnapped you two months ago when you were out wandering the streets because Levi said something that upset you?" He questions, making sure that he had heard things correctly and I nod my head. "And you woke up a week later handcuffed in this ladies basement and met two of her children. You and the daughter started talking to realize that was Jacquelyn, your first girlfriend and the girl that we both liked but she ended up going out with you?" I nod my head again.

"Heh, it's kind of funny to think that we fought over a girl only to realize that we aren't even interested in girls." I lean my head on his shoulder and he tenses. "Come on, I won't kill you. You're like a brother to me, Jean." He sighs.

“I know I am. I just don't know what to think about this whole thing. I mean you did kill her to save the person you love. I would do the same thing if Marco was in Levi's position and I was in yours. I'm really sorry, Eren. We've known each other since Kindergarten. I should've believed you when you told me that you weren't friends with us just to...you know. That must've hurt you pretty bad. I hope you accept my apology."

“Of course, I'll accept your apology. We're best friends after all," I say with a smile. I lift my head off my shoulder and he turns his head to look at me. His...beautiful brown eyes staring back into my ugly separate colored ones. His eyes flick to my lips but I try to not do the same. He leans in slightly and I tense up slightly. 

His lips are an inch from mine when I put my hands on his chest, pushing him back slightly. "Uhm, I should probably get back. Levi is waiting for me at the apartment."

"Right, right. Sorry," He says quietly as I stood up. "Uh, I'll walk you...if that's okay."

"Yeah, that's fine with me," I say with a fake smile I hate to use all the time.

Jean and I walk back to my apartment in silence. When we reach my apartment complex and we stop. "Look, I'm really sorry about what happened back there. I was out of line. Let's...not tell either one of our boyfriends about this?" I smile sadly and nod softly.

"Of course," I say as I walk into the apartment building. I sigh once I got into my apartment and shut the door, leaning against it.

"What's wrong, Lover Boy?" I hear Levi ask from the main room.

"Oh, nothing. I'm fine," I reply as I walk into the room where Levi is and sit on the chair across from his.

"Are you sure?" He reply, looking up from his book. "You were gone for quite a while. How'd the conversation go?" He asks and looks back to his book. 

"Everything went better than expected. He forgave me and walked me back."

"Ah, I thought things would've gone way worse."

**(Levi's pov)**

"Hey..." Eren starts, making me look up from my book and give him a questioning hum. His face looks serious, and maybe even a little stressed.

"Yeah?" I ask as I set my book down on the table in front of me.

"Who do you think Marie's and Nile's third child is?"

"I have no clue. Why? Who do you think he is?"

"I...I don't know. It kind of felt like he was avoiding his house and his family. He wasn't there at all while I was there for the two weeks. And, when we saw Jacquelyn and Jacob yesterday, they said that he left to be a doctor. That's the only clues we have about him."

“But we don't know where he went, what his name is, nor if he left to really become a doctor."

"You're right." Eren sighs and leans back in his chair. "I...have another question," He says again quietly.

"What's up?"

"Do you...do you miss Jayden?" He turns his head away from me, not wanting to meet my eyes.

"What? Of course not. Why would you think so?"

“I...I don't know. He'd make a better boyfriend than me."

Honestly...I'm not saying he's wrong, but he's not right either. I feel guilty for saying it, but Jayden was more considerate at times. Of course, I would never leave Eren for him, but if Jayden had never left, and if I never met Eren...I don't know. Maybe we would still be together? I don't really know for sure, but who knows.

"Eren, I don't care about who would make the better boyfriend. I love you for you and not for who my first boyfriend was."

"If you could go back to him, would you?"

“No, of course not. I'm staying with you."

“But what if-"

"No, Eren. Like I've said so many times before, I'm never leaving you. Until death do us part."

“Levi, I just want you to be happy, and if leaving me makes you happy...then I'm okay with that."

“I'm not going to leave you. I'm happy with you. I'm not leaving you. Not now, not ever. I promise." Eren sighs defeatedly, obviously not in the mood to argue any longer. "Are you uh...Are you okay?"

“Yeah, yeah. I'm fine."


	19. Chapter 18

**(Eren's pov)**

Levi and I walk into the college building to see people in their groups turn and look at me. Some whisper and some point at me with what seems like fear. I feel small. Smaller than usual, that is.

Levi senses my anxiety and snakes his fingers between mine which calms me down a little. I give him a thanking look as we walk to class, passed all the people snickering at me. We see Jean and Marco standing outside the classroom and they quickly walk up to me. "I am so sorry, Eren," Jean says shakily.

"What? What are you sorry for?" I ask, trying to calm Jean down.

"I told Marco about what you told me yesterday because I knew you wouldn't mind if I told Marco. I couldn't remember if you said I could tell him or not, but you trust me, right? Right??"

"Yes, Jean. Calm down, what happened?"

"I...I was telling Marco about yesterday and this guy that went here had over-heard us and told everyone about it. The story has changed a bit but it's still close to the original story. I am so so so sorry. I didn't know he was there. Please, believe me, that I didn't spread the rumor that started it off, nor did I tell him. I only told Marco, please, believe me, Eren. I don't want to lose you again."

"Jean please, calm down. I promise you that I believe you. I don't care, Jean. I don't care that this rumor was spread. As long as I have you guys here with me, I'm okay with it. Oluo, Gunther, and Eld haven't talked to me yet, maybe because of something Levi did, but I don't care. I've always like you guys better."

“Thank goodness, Eren. I love you so much."

"I know, I love you, too. Please, calm down. I don't care."

The rest of the day goes pretty smoothly with the occasional whispers of fear towards me when I walk around campus to my classes. I keep having to reassure Levi, Jean, and Marco that everything is okay. However, it definitely isn’t. All comments that I overhear make me feel worse than I already feel about myself.

I hear people say things about my eyes which I already hate. They keep making theories about why my eyes are the way they are. I mean...it's not like I'm mad at Jean nor am I mad at Marco, but I just don't want anyone to worry about me. I really do care about the rumors being spread because it hurts me. 

It brings memories back to when I was getting bullied in high school. It kind of disappoints me, in all honesty, because we're college students. We're in our mid and early twenties with a few 19-years-old and we're talking about some guys behind their back. What is wrong with this society?

I arrive back at the apartment and I throw my backpack on the floor and sigh before locking myself in the bathroom.

Levi went to Erwin's and Hanji's to go see them. I told him I wasn't in the mood and he was reluctant, but I convinced him to go. I sit on the floor against the bathroom door with my head in my hands.

I intertwine my fingers into my hair, pulling on it slightly. I don’t know what to do. It's been so long since this has happened to me and I have no clue how to deal with this anymore. I know I should be telling Levi how I feel but I don't know how to put it. I used to tell him everything that happened in high school with the bullying, but since it hasn't happened in so long, I don't know what to say that'll make him understand.

I mean, Levi might understand no matter what I say since he knows me better than anyone, including myself. I just...I can't tell him because then he'll try to do something about it and I don't know how far he will go. I don't want anyone to get hurt and if that means keeping all my pain inside, then I'm okay with it. As long as no one knows.

_'That's right, Eren. As long as you're alone it's okay.'_

"I never said that."

_‘It's what you're thinking. What's the point of keeping all these people in your life? What's the point of them living?'_

"They make me feel welcomed."

_'Then why are you hiding this from them?'_

"I don't know, just...go away. I'm not in the mood to hear from you right now."

_'Can I...Can I tell you about your mother?'_

"Oh, that's right. Like three weeks about you said you were going to tell me about my mom right before I almost stabbed myself. What happened to her?"

_‘It's my fault that she's gone. Before you say anything, let me tell you why I am the way I am. I was 11 years old when my mother killed herself. My name is, Zeldalia Abner or Z, Zelda, or Dalia for short. This is what I look like.'_

The voice changes when she introduces herself. She‘s British and has a smooth, adorable accent. An image flashes through my head to see what the said Zeldalia looks like. She looks about 17 years old. She has long purple hair that fades to a lighter purple near her tips and bangs that nearly covered her eyes. She‘s fairly pale and has a nose piercing with large, bright silver eyes that are absolutely stunning.

_‘My mother killed myself because she went crazy and murdered my father. We didn't know why she went crazy, but she was insane as a child like you, Eren. The only thing I could've thought of was that her sanity somehow disappeared in the middle of nowhere. We were in the middle of dinner when she stabbed my father in the heart. It was filled with anger but I couldn't figure out why. Later on, I found out that my dad had cheated on my mother before but my mother stupidly took him back and she finally...snapped, I guess.'_

I nod my head, telling her that I understand what she‘s saying.

_‘However, years later, when I was only 11 years old like I said, my mother killed herself in front of my eyes, similar to your mother. However, she never told me what she told you. She apologized to me. She told me that this was the only way to let me be free. How wrong she was. After she was gone, I got bullied at school for being gay like you did. However, it was different since I was only 12 and I already knew my sexuality and it was scarier this young. I actually thought I was confused until I got my first girlfriend when I was 15. I was so happy I didn't know what to do. However...I lost her._

_'We broke up when I was 17 years old. As if I thought that we broke up because she didn't like me anymore, I was right, but she also broke up with me just to get together with another male. I didn't know what to do with my life anymore. I already had crippling depression and she was helping me with that, but when she left it was like my whole life came crashing down on me. First, my mother left me alone and then I finally find someone, and they do the same. I killed myself the next day, not wanting to go to school. I've been stuck in my 17-year-old body for 15 years, going on 16.'_

“But...you've only been in my brain for 14 years, going on 15."

_‘I know. I was in your mother's brain, too. I had a job. My job is to find, convince, repeat. That's the Devil's deal, of course. I mean, obviously I don't get anything out of it, but the Devil sure does. He picks random people to do the dirty work for him since the Grim Reaper is so busy all the time. My first victim was your mother right after your father left. It was a perfect time to move my way into her brain because she was weak and fragile and that's why it was so easy. I kept telling her that it was your fault she felt that way because you murdered Nile._

_'I've been looking over your mother before your father even left. When I killed myself you were only three. Although, I wasn't physically there, I was still with you at every therapy session when you were with your mother. I'm really sorry, Eren. It was my job. If I didn't do my job I would be punished. That's why I haven't been in your brain so often, is because it's taking me too long to force you to kill yourself. But enough about my job since that's also pretty obvious, but I drove your mother out of sanity. I made her depression worst and made her take it out on herself while she was taking it out on you, too. She did struggle a lot, and she almost broke free of me, but ended up weakening herself even more.-"_

“-Hold on a minute, you basically killed my mother and is trying to do the same to me?"

_'Correct.’_


	20. Chapter 19

**(Levi's pov)**

I get back to the apartment a little earlier than planned. I mainly want to get back to Eren to see if he‘s okay. He seemed pretty off today which I understand. He tried to reassure me, Marco, and Jean that he's okay, but he really isn't. I know him better than he knows himself, but I let it slide. _'You know Eren doesn't trust you, right?'_ The voice (which so happened to be my mother's conscience...basically) asks me and I stop in my tracks.

_“No, he trusts me. He just doesn't want me to worry,"_ I tell the voice.

_'Levi, Sweetie. You know that's not it. He's been keeping so many things away from you. First, he hid the reason why his eye color changed away from you. Second, he kept that voice that's been inside his head since he was six away from you. Third, it was that he murdered someone, also at six years old. Finally, it's this. You know he doesn't care about this. You know he's hurting about this...yet you're doing nothing about it. What kind of boyfriend are you? Do you even love Eren like you're leading himself on to be?'_

_"Of course, I love him. He's the greatest thing that's happened into my life. You know, because of your job, I've had to live alone because both you and Kenny left me. Of course, Kenny came back but then Eren and I moved in together and it's been a blast."_

_'But so many things have happened. I, as your mother, are starting to think that you, my son, really do not love Eren like you want to. You want him to feel the love that you used to get because he never got it. Admit it.'_

_"No, shut up. I love Eren and that's final. Now leave me alone."_

_‘Fine, until next time, my son.'_

"Oh, that's right. Like three weeks about you said you were going to tell me about my mom right before I almost stabbed myself. What happened to her?" I hear Eren say in the bathroom when I walk past. I stop by the door and quietly put my ear against it to see who he was talking to.

Silence.

"But...you've only been in my brain for 14 years, going on 15," I finally hear him say after about ten minutes. I‘m confused. I don’t know who or what he‘s talking to. From what he says, I assume it‘s the voice in his head that he told me about.

Silence.

"Hold on a minute, you basically killed my mother and is trying to do the same to me?" Eren says again and my jaw basically drops to the floor.

Silence.

"But what do you being in my mother's brain have to deal with being in mine?" Eren asks again. There is silence for a short period of time until he starts talking again, "And what does Lucifer have to deal with any of this. I mean, I know you told me that you were practically a slave to him, but why was this your job and not helping out like...down in Hell and stuff like that." It goes silent until Eren softly mutters something that isn’t audible through the door. 

I move away from the door and put my hand out to knock on the door to get Eren's attention. I stop to hear Eren get louder and say, "So just to clarify everything, in order for the two of us to be free I have to end my life?"

I knocked on the door. "Eren?" I ask, my voice kind of shaky. 

**(Eren's pov)**

"But what do you being in my mother's brain have to deal with being in mine?" I ask Zeldalia."And what does Lucifer have to deal with any of this. I mean, I know you told me that you were practically a slave to him, but why was this your job and not helping out like...down in Hell and stuff like that," I ask again.

_'So basically, trying to explain it in the easiest way possible, the person trying to convince the person to end their life moves on to the person they love most in their life. And, I'm not really sure about the Lucifer--or the Devil--part. I guess he just chose me. There's not much to explain, but it might be because in my religion if you take your own life, you go to Hell because it's considered 'selfish'.'_

"I guess that makes total sense," I mutter.

_'Now on to your mother. Like I said, I moved on to the person she loved most in her life was you. Although you distanced yourself, she still loved you dearly and was very proud of you until the very last moment of her life. I told her that she would be from this hell after she leaves you and says those things to you. I now know that everything I've been doing these past years is wrong, but I don't have any choice. Like you figured out before, I'm a slave to Lucifer and the only way to be free is to get rid of two of the same family members and I somehow got lucky to do this. Please, Eren. I want to be free and you can be free, too. We can be free together, Eren.'_

"So just to clarify everything, in order for the two of us to be free I have to end my life?" I ask.

_‘Correct.'_

"Zeld-" I‘m cut off by a knock on the bathroom door. _"Shit,"_ I think before opening the door to see Levi. His face is full of shock, concern, and confusion all at the same time. "I thought you were at Erwin's?" I ask him quietly, afraid of how much he heard. I must've seemed insane, talking to myself like that. 

"Well, I was worried about you so I came back earlier than originally planned. Are you okay?" He asks.

“Yeah, I'm okay. Why's that?"

"You were...talking to yourself again."

"Oh...About that. I'll tell you about that in a bit. I'm hungry. Let's go out," I say as I walk past Levi, putting on a jacket.

"O-oh, okay. We're just gonna...procrastinate this, alright."

Levi and I are walking down the street and walk into the café, immediatly getting hit with the smell that Levi and I always love. We sit down at the table we usually sit at in the back corner and order cookie dough milkshakes and some fries. "We haven't done this in a while," I say with a sigh, staring lovingly at Levi. I really do love Levi to the extreme of how much I can love. People tell me that I can't officially love someone until I learn to love myself, but I think that I just broke that rule. 

I love Levi with all my heart and I don't know what I would do without him. He's everything to me. "Yeah, I missed this," Levi says with a small smile and takes my hand that was rests on the table. He stares at me with the same love in his eyes, but sometimes I think about if he really loves me and isn't just pretending so I know what love feels like. But...if Levi is pretending, wouldn't that mean that this isn't real love?

“Hey, I want to tell you about what happened earlier...In the apartment," I finally say after taking a sip of my milkshake. 

"Are you sure? Here in the café?" He asks, a fry in hand. 

"Levi, we're the only ones here," I chuckle, taking the fry out of his hand and eating it.

"Alright, tell me. I'm here."

And so I do. It goes pretty smoothly, just with Levi asking a couple questions but that's normal. He always asks questions. Levi also doesn’t seem so freaked about it. I‘m more afraid of this than he is. Of course, he convinces me that everything is going to be okay and...stuff. 

Levi's really good at that, changing my opinion completely in under maybe an hour which usually takes me two hours to change my opinion. Like we've said plenty of times, Levi knows me more than I know myself so I guess it's easy to change my opinion if it's him. 

He does seem concerned about me actually ending my life. I tell him I won’t ever do it, and he‘s reluctant, but he agrees. 

“I have something to tell you, too," Levi says after we stop talking about the subject and it shocks me a little. 

"Go on..." I say slowly, putting my hand on the glass the milkshake was being held in. 

“I have a voice in my head, too," He says softly. I slowly lean away from Levi and press my back against the chair. 

"What the fuck?" I mutter. 


	21. Chapter 20

**(Eren's pov)**

"Hold on a second. What do you mean?" I ask Levi.

"I mean that I have a voice in my head, too. It hasn't been around as long as yours has, and it's...not this girl Zeldalia or anything like that. It came when I found out that I had depression. I mean, I always heard slight voices in my head but they were all different and they all left, but this one stayed. This one tried to do the same with me that Zeldalia was doing to you. They were trying to force me to end my life. Of course, I figured out how to handle it because I personally knew the person that was in my head," Levi replies, surprisingly not quiet.

"So...then...who is it?"

"My mother, actually," He says calmly. My eyes widen as a million thoughts run through my head.

"You're joking, aren't you?"

"No, I'm not."

"But...she didn't die from a suicide."

“I know, but she died from a disease for a sinful job."

"I...yeah, that makes sense, actually, but why is she in your brain? She was your own mother."

"That...I still don't know and neither does my mother. She's just trying to fulfill the job that Lucifer gave her. Hell seems like...well...Hell." I chuckle at Levi, admiring how adorable he is.

"God I love you," I say with a sigh.

"I love you, too," He says with a smile. 

Levi and I walk back to our apartment, studying everyone carefully for no apparent reason. I never really looked around to all the people often because my eyes were always on the floor or on Levi. Nothing else. Usually, I look at the ground when I'm alone and look at Levi when I'm...well...with Levi. When I'm with Levi, I can't seem to take my eyes off him. Especially from a side view as we're walking hand in hand.

His raven hair bounces slightly as he walks and his bangs move side to side. His posture is always straight even when he's sitting and his eyes are usually focused ahead of him. His jawline is sharper from the side angle which is normal, but it just makes him three times hotter. I‘m still looking at Levi when he darts his handsome steel-blue eyes to meet my ugly separate colored ones. 

He smiles lovingly at me and my head starts pounding. I shut my eyes tightly and put both hands against my head. I groan in pain and kneel on the ground because it hurts so bad. "Eren? Are you okay?" Levi asks as he kneels next to me. I open my eyes to meet his worried ones and his eyes slightly widen. But, what worries me most is when my blood quickens with bloodlust at the thought of ending the life of my beloved boyfriend. I, for some reason...for a split second, thinks it would've been...fun.

**(Levi's pov)**

Eren and I walk out of the café. My heart is beating quickly from finally telling Eren about how my mother's voice is in my head. Now I know why he’s kept it away from me for so long. It‘s so hard and it took almost all the courage I had to tell him. 

Eren and I are hand in hand and I can sense his staring. Of course, he doesn't really look at anything else but me, but right now, it feels different; it doesn't feel like him in the slightest. 

Eren...has changed if I'm being completely honest. He's been different from when he came back to the apartment with me after the whole situation with the Dok's. He hasn't changed that much, of course. He's still the same Eren that I love, but I think mentally he's definitely different. I just want to help him.

I glance over to Eren to see him staring at me like I felt before and makes eye contact. I smile lovingly at him and he unlatches his hand from mine and puts both hands to his head while shutting his eyes tightly. He kneels down on the floor and groan in pain, people on the sidewalk giving him scared and confused looks. 

“Eren? What's wrong?" I ask after kneeling on the ground next to him. He open his eyes to meet mine and his turquoise eye turned brownish/green like when he killed Marie. My eyes slightly widen but what makes me worried and scared, is that his eyes are full with bloodlust. For who, is what I don't know and I'm not sure if I want to know. 

His eye flashes back to his natural eye color before standing. "Sorry," Eren mutters. I snake my fingers between his and lift it up to my lips, kissing the back of his hand softly, basically telling him that it's okay.

We finally get back to our apartment and Eren immediately locks himself in the bathroom. "Babe, do you want anything to eat?" I ask Eren through the bathroom door.

“No, it's okay," He replies shakily.

“Are you sure?" I ask.

"Yeah. Thanks, though."

"Okay," I say before turning and walking into the kitchen part of our apartment. I sigh, sinking into the chair at our dining table. I look at my phone to see a missed call from an unknown number. "Huh," I say under breath before standing back up and turning on the stove. 

I finish making my food and I sit down in the front room when Eren walk into the room. He cut his hair so has bangs on the right side of his face, covering his brown eye. "Sorry," Eren says quietly.

"For?" I ask.

"Well...for embarrassing you like that in front of a bunch of people. And...for locking myself in the bathroom without talking to you."

"I already told you it was okay. I like what you did to your hair, by the way. Why'd you cover your right eye?"

"I uh...didn't like it. I think it's ugly."

"That's reasonable."

"You're not even going to reassure me that it's not ugly?"

"Is that what you want?"

"W-well...no, not really."

“Then I wont tell you anything you don't want to be told. I appreciate your choice and I'm glad you decided to do something by yourself and make your own choices."

“What does that mean?"

"Well, you usually come to me and ask me for permission to do things."

"Oh...well, that makes sense then, I guess."

"Yeah. I love you."

"I love you, too."

**(Eren's pov)**

I immediately lock myself in the bathroom when Levi and I get back to our apartment. I lean against the door and slide down it, sitting on the floor. "Babe, do you want anything to eat?" Levi asks through the door. 

"No, it's okay," I replies, my voice shaky.

“Are you sure?" He asks again. 

"Yeah. Thanks though," I replies. 

"Okay," Levi says before I hear his footsteps get farther away. 

I sigh heavily. I can't believe I feel like that. I can't believe for a split second...I wanted to kill Levi. What is happening to me?

_'I'm sorry to tell you this, but I think you're losing our sanity.'_

"Oh, really? I had no clue," I say sarcastically, rolling my eyes at her.

_'I promise you that I had nothing to deal with that.'_

"I know. I believe you." 

_‘Thank you. Now, Lucifer's calling me. Wish me luck.'_

"Good luck, Zelda. Until next time."

_‘Until next time.'_ And she vanishes. I stand and stared into the mirror. I make eye contact with myself and click my tongue in disgust. 

He's disgusting.

He's ugly. 

He's hideous. 

He's a monster. 

He's a murderer. 

He doesn't deserve to live. 

I can't believe he's lasted this long.

It‘s like the voices in my head are having a war. I had no clue that I have multiple voices, but I guess I haven't really paid attention either. 

I rummage through the doors until I find a pair of scissors. I sigh before looking in the mirror again and grabbing the brush that is on the counter. I use the brush to pull some of my hair on the right side of my face, covering my eye. 

I cut my bangs kind of at an angle and trim them so they aren’t stabbing my eyeball. I cut the part where some hair originally is and don’t shave it completely, but make it shorter with an electric razor. My brown hair is successfully done and I try to smile but it doesn’t feel right to me. It doesn’t feel natural.

I sigh once more before walking out of the bathroom and into the main room to see Levi walking in with a plate of food. I feel really bad about making Levi go through all that when we were just out on the streets. "Sorry, I softly apologize.

“For?" He asks with a raised eyebrow. 

"Well...for embarrassing you like that in front of a bunch of people. And...for locking myself in the bathroom without talking to you," I reply.

"I already told you it was okay. I like what you did to your hair, by the way. Why'd you cover your right eye?"

"I uh...didn't like it. I think it's ugly." I mean, it wasn't a complete lie. I also felt embarrassed for Levi to be seen with a something hideous like my eyes. 

“That's reasonable."

"You're not even going to reassure me that it's not ugly?"

"Is that what you want?"

"W-well...no, not really."

"Then I won’t tell you anything you don't want to be told. I appreciate your choice and I'm glad you decided to do something by yourself and make your own choices."

"What does that mean?"

"Well, you usually come to me and ask me for permission to do things."

"Oh...well, that makes sense then, I guess."

"Yeah. I love you."

"I love you, too."


	22. Chapter 21

**(Eren’s pov)**

"Woah, what happened to your hair?" Jean asked me after Levi and I walk into the college and catch up with him.

"I cut it. Do you not like it?" I ask in response.

"No, I do. It's just different from anything you've done before. And you cut it? Like you, yourself, cut your own hair."

“Yes, Jean." I roll my eyes. 

"It looks nice."

"Thanks."

"I think it suits you, Eren," Marco says as he walks up to us.

“Thanks," I say again.

"May I ask why you chose your right side?"

“Well...there's a few reasons, actually. One of them is just that I don't like my brown eye."

"Oh...I like it. It makes you look different. Unique."

"Oh, thanks," I say with a small smile.

The rest of the day is a regular day at college with people snickering and whispering also keeping their distance from me. They're starting to say things to and about Jean, Marco, and Levi for hanging out with me and started saying what they were saying to me before. I start to feel extra guilty then, but they don’t seem to notice so I never say anything about it.

At the apartment, it‘s another regular night. Studying, doing homework, watching TV, eating, napping, etc. My bloodlust for Levi is gone but it never left my mind. I'm in this constant fear that I will end up losing myself and doing something I know I'd regret. I don't want to hurt Levi in the slightest and...I don't know. It's getting me afraid. Maybe I'm just paranoid? Yeah, that's it. I should stop thinking about it.

Levi presses his lips against mine, snapping me out of my thoughts. I kiss him back lustfully putting my arms around his neck, forcing more of his body onto mine. He smirks as we kissed and moves me from the room over to the bed. He pushes me onto the bed and towers his smaller body over mine. 

I moan softly as he sucks on my neck forcefully, giving me his love bites that I‘m never ashamed of getting when it happens. I feel Levi smirk against my neck before he licks it softly, making me shiver with delight. He quickly takes my shirt off my body and moves his hands up and down my bare chest as he kisses me passionately.

He takes off his shirt not long after and our bare chests rub against each other as we kiss. He moves one of his hands down and slips his hand inside my pants and rubs my erection through the fabric of my underwear. "Eren...can you please lend yourself to me? Just for the night?" Levi lustfully cooes into my ear. 

He opens his eyes and look at me to meet my eyes. "Of course," I say with a smile and he smiles back.

**~2 week time skip~ (Ha, no more smut for you~. Anyway, I am sincerely sorry because I'm surrounded by people and since I'm only 15 it's considered weird to some people and I'm really self-conscious about what people think about me and stuff like that. So, I don't have time to write much smut.)**

These past two weeks have been pretty boring, actually. The same as normal. Going to college, getting teased and bullied and stuff like that. I'm 20 years old. Why am I getting picked on? 

_‘Eren! Hi. I'm sorry about being gone for two weeks but I'm back now but I won't be for long. Please, I don't have much time so listen to me. I have one request.'_ Zeldalia says loud quick, startling me slightly. Levi looks over at me from across the room but shrugs it off. 

_“What is it?"_ I ask in response. 

_‘Whatever you do, don't give in. Don't let it control you. This is the last time you're ever going to here of me. Please, do that request for me.'_

"I will do it, but I have so many questions."

_'I only have time for one question. One and one only. I'm so sorry about that. I wish I didn't have to leave so soon. What's your question?'_

_"What do you mean you don't have enough time? What do you mean by that?"_

_'I mean that I'm no longer going to be in your brain anymore. I'm getting...kicked out, let's say. No need to ask, it's by Lucifer. I'm getting kicked out by him because I've been taking to long in your brain and I didn't kill you fast enough. Somethings going to happen to me and I'll tell you that it's definitely not something good. I'm so sorry Eren.'_ Before I can ask any more questions, Zeldalia vanishes and I can no longer sense her in my brain. 

Suddenly, I feel a new presence appear. It isn’t light and kind-hearted like Zeldalia's was. This one is dark, dangerous, and terrifying. I can already feel it's intimidating aura infecting my brain. 

My head starts pounding and I can feel my right eye twitching. _'Hello...Eren Jaeger.'_ The voice says. The voice isn’t like Zeldalia's, nor does it sound like her when she‘s hiding it. This voice is deep and smooth yet raspy. 

_"Who are you?"_ I ask. 

_'My name is Zeke Jaeger, and I am your step-brother.’_

_“What? No, I can't have a step-brother. That doesn't make any sense."_

_‘Ah, but it's true. Of course, it was after he left you so I am younger than you. (I know Zeke is wayyyyy older than Eren in the manga just.........shh) Your father and my mother met two years after he left you and your mom and I was born a year after. Of course, my mother and I died in a car crash when I was little so your dad wandered around Germany. Anyway, I know your next question. Zeldalia didn't age in Hell when she died, but that's not how it is for anyone. There's only one condition where they don't age and stay the same age, is how they die. Suicides don't age and neither do people who were accident death victims. The rest age in hell until they eventually rot and die, serving for Lucifer.'_

My head suddenly starts pounding again and I grab my head with my hands, pulling on my hair slightly. _"I think...I think I understand. But why do you age? Wasn't yours an accident death?"_

_‘Our death wasn't an accident.'_

_"How do you know this?"_

_‘Well, when you die and you're sent to Hell, you get to see how you died. It's quite interesting, actually.'_

_"Well if yours was an accident, why are you in Hell?"_

_‘Because I was the one who drove my car into my mom's, killing us both.'_

_"Why would you do that?"_

_'Because I was insane. And I still am. I'm going to finish what Zeldalia started but this time, I'm going through with it.'_

_"Good luck."_

_'I won't need it.'_

Zeke seems...interesting. I don't think in the slightest that he's going to be able to kill me. But...maybe that's not what he's talking about. "Babe?" Levi asked, snapping me out of my thoughts. 

“Yeah?" I reply.

"Are you okay? You've been staring at the TV for the past ten minutes."

"Yeah, I'm fine. That's normal."

"Not when the TV isn't even on." I turn back to the TV in confusion and it is in fact off. "You're so weird," Levi chuckles. 

"You have no room to talk."

“I do, actually. I've never stared at a blank TV screen."

“That doesn't mean you haven't done other weird things," I say with a smirk and Levi clicks his tongue before grabbing the remote and turning on the TV.

***

It's been a week. I can already feel myself getting crazier. Not much, but Zeke is getting on my nerves. 

It's been another week. I'm definitely getting crazy. I'm distancing myself from Levi. 

It's been a third week.

_‘You know, brother. You're capable of so many things. We can rule the world together. Well...first we have to conquer Germany. But after that we can do so much more. Eren, we'd be such a great team together.'_

_"Zeldalia said the same thing and look what happened to her. I may hate you, but I don't want the same thing to happen to you. Dead or alive. Sinful or sinless. Insane or sane. I don't care, you're still my brother."_

_‘Tsk. Zeldalia was week. She was worthless. She couldn't finish a job that was assigned by Lucifer himself. For the people that are loyal to him, that's a huge honor, btw. Now, yes. She is getting tortured and punished but it wasn't just her fault. It was yours, too.'_

_"No, shut up. Zelda is not weak. She is kind. She is not worthless. She is helpful. It wasn't her fault, it was just mine."_

_'Like I said, I'm going to finish what she started. I'm going to make you go insane.'_


	23. Chapter 22

**(Levi's pov)**

This past month Eren seems...different. Ever since the night that he stared at the TV, he's been acting differently. He's been talking to himself more. He's been distancing himself from me more. He's definitely not acting like himself and I'm really starting to worry. I don't know what to think about it.

"I'm back," I say as I walk into the front room. Eren is silent. "Eren?" I ask again. Eren still doesn’t respond. I look up after putting down the groceries. Eren is sitting on the floor, his legs bent and hugged tightly against his chest while facing at the wall. His eyes are closed and he‘s breathing. There was no movement from him either. "Eren," I say sternly as I stand in front of him.

He finally tilts his head up as if he‘s staring me in the eyes, but he still has closed eyes. He opens them after five more seconds. His eyes are both brown and he has an angry yet terrified look on his face. He stands slowly and stares down at me. I suddenly feel...scared of Eren. He moves closer to me and lower his face more so he can still keep me in his intense stare.

His brown eye flicks turquoise. "I'm sorry," Eren whispers. It‘s barely audible but I‘m still able to hear it. His eye flick back brown and he walks closer to me, making me walk backward in fear.

"S-sorry for what?" I stutter.

I get no answer as he still walk towards me, making me still walk backward. "I'm sorry that you've been in my way all this time." The eye flickers turquoise. "Don't listen to him. That's not the real me. He's a fraud." His eye flickers back.

I‘m so confused. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what he meant. What is happening? Why is this happening?? I'm so confused.

He stops.

I stop.

He turns around.

I relax slightly.

He slides open a drawer.

The knife drawer, to be exact. We have too many large knives to fit in our regular silverware drawer, so we put them in a separate drawer. He takes out one of the larger knives and look at it. The knife shines in our bright apartment lights and I can see half of Eren's reflection in it. He’s smiling mischievously, reaching from cheek to cheek.

He turns back to me with the smile still spread across his face. Dark red marks start appearing his face, starting from the bottom of his bottom eyelid. It fades all the way down to his chest under his shirt; that is all I cam see. Not seeing his smile in the reflection of the knife and seeing him like this sends chills down my spine. It’s so sexy yet so terrifying.

He starts chuckling slightly as he walks up to me and I back away again. I suddenly hit my back against some cupboards and I roll my eyes once I realize I‘m cornered. _"Great,"_ I think as Eren's chuckle turns into a maniacal laugh.

He reaches me and his eye quickly flickers back to turquoise and his smile fades as his eyes filled with tears. He takes me into a deep hug and pecks me on the lips. He mouths an apology before he groans in pain and his eye turns back to brown, the tears falling down his face.

The smile reappears before bringing up his arm and choking me with it. He soon brings up the knife; his elbow in the air. His arm lowers quickly and I close my eyes, waiting for the impact but it never comes.

**(Eren's pov)**

Levi went out to get groceries earlier this morning and I‘m alone in the apartment. I woke up later than he did, but he did leave me a note which I was happy about. I slept in a separate bed from Levi because I was afraid I would do something to him if I were too close.

I’m sitting on the floor, my legs hugged tightly against my chest. My eyes are closed as Zeke speaks to me. _'Today's the day.'_

"It's not. Nothing's happening today."

_‘Ah, but that's just what you want to think. You know, today's the day I'm taking over your brain. I'm in control of 95% of your brain.'_

"And I'm going to fight back until you're completely gone from my life and brain."

_‘That'll be a challenge.'_

"I'll do anything to protect Levi. I'll kill myself if I have to."

_'You know that wouldn't work. I would just move into Levi's brain since he's the one you love most. Then he'll have two voices in his head. You wouldn't want that, would you?'_

“N-no, of course, I wouldn't. But, if you got full control of my brain then you would just kill Levi."

_‘Well, that's partially for you to decide. I know your true nature. It would feel so good for you to hurt...to kill someone. I promise you that. I was the same. I wanted blood.'_

"We're nothing alike. We don't want the same thing."

_'But that's where you're wrong. You felt bloodlust for Levi that day a month ago, right?'_

"How do you know that?"

_'You really are stupid, Eren. I'm in your damn brain. I know everything about you. Because of this, now I have 98% of your brain in my control. I can turn you into who you truly are in about ten minutes. Maybe even less. Maybe when Levi gets back and you're off your guard, then I can take control.'_

"Good luck with that."

Suddenly the door opens and Levi comes in with bags of groceries. "I'm home," He calls out to me but I don’t answer.

_'No, good luck to you.'_

"Eren?" Levi asked again. I still don’t respond, hearing him set down the groceries. I stop breathing and I don’t move. "Eren," Levi says sternly as I assume he‘s standing in front of me from how close his voice is. I tilt my head up slowly to meet his eyes with my eyes...still closed. I can feel Zeke rummaging through my brain, trying to take control of it.

_'Looks like this round goes to me. Zeke 1, Eren 0.'_

He takes control of my brain and body as everything goes black. When I open my eyes it‘s dark. I‘m in a black void. Suddenly, a large screen appears right in front of me. It was from my point of view. I cam see everything that is going on.

_'This is where you can see your beloved boyfriend get cut up into pieces. This is the view I have and suffer with...every fucking day and now it's your turn.'_ Zeke opens my eyes and make eye contact with Levi. Zeke makes my face full of anger, but I make my face a terrified expression. I still have some control over my body. 

Zeke makes my body stand up and tower over Levi. In Levi's eyes, I can see that both of my eyes are brown. Zeke steps closer to Levi, towering over him even more but still keeping eye contact. I can sense Levi's fear from where I am inside my head. I start focusing on getting Zeke back into my brain so I can control my own body once again. Suddenly, everything goes black and I’m back in my body. 

I look at Levi to see that his scared expression makes me much more worried when I'm the one seeing it. "I'm sorry," I whisper silently; I‘m weak I can sense Zeke trying to take control again and he's going to be back into my body any moment. Suddenly everything goes black and I‘m back in my brain. "No!" I scream out.

_‘You're too weak.'_ Zeke steps closer to Levi once again, making Levi walk backward.

“S-sorry for what?" Levi stutters. 

Zeke dorsn’t answer, thinking about what to say while making Levi walk backward more. "I'm sorry that you've been in my way all this time," Zeke finally says and everything goes black again before I‘m back into my body.

"Don't listen to him. That's not the real me. He's a fraud," I say, trying to warn Levi about Zeke before everything goes black once again. "Shit," I mutter as I start to focus again. This time, it is harder.

Levi look extremely confused and honestly, I won’t blame him. I'm only partially confused, but I'm in my brain. Levi isn't...obviously. 

Zeke stops.

I’m confused.

Levi stops. 

Zeke turns around.

I’m still confused. 

Levi slightly relaxes.

Zeke slides open a drawer. 

My eyes widen and I’m so confused anymore. He opens up our large knife drawer and takes out one of the larger knives. It shines in the light of our apartment and I can see my reflection of myself--Zeke--in it. Zeke is smiling mischievously; reaching from cheek to cheek and his eyes were widened in insanity.

He turns back to Levi with the smile still spread across his face. Dark red marks start appearing on his face, starting from the bottom of his bottom eyelid. It fades all the way down to his waist. I look down at myself, seeing the same marks on myself. I turn my face back up to the screen to see that Levi is...turned on?

Zeke starts chuckling slightly as he walks up to Levi and he backs away again. He suddenly hits his back against some cupboards and he rolls his eyes once he realizes he‘s cornered. _"Just great,"_ I think as Zeke's chuckle turns into a maniacal laugh.

I focus as hard as I can to talk to Levi again. Everything goes black and soon I‘m back in my body again. In Levi's eyes, I can see my turquoise eye is turquoise again and my turquoise one starts to fill with tears. I take him into a deep hug and peck him on the lips. I mouth an apology before I groan in pain and everything goes black before I‘m back into the black void. I put a hand to my left eye to feel tears.

The smile reappears on my-- _Zeke's_ \--face before bringing up his arm and starts choking Levi with it. He soon brings up the knife; his elbow in the air. His arm lowers quickly and Levi shuts his eyes tightly, waiting for the impact and I close my eyes, too. I don’t want to see my boyfriend get stabbed in the chest by my step-brother.

I wait for the sound, a scream from Levi or anything to signify that Levi has gotten stabbed but it never comes. I open up my eyes slowly and Zeke turns his head so he can see who stopped him. My eyes widen "Jade?"


	24. Chapter 23

**(Eren's pov)**

Jade is standing next to Zeke, her hand on his forearm. The knife is stopped inches from Levi's chest. I relax slightly but then tense again once Zeke tosses the knife into his other hand and starts to attack Jade. Jade dodges every slash Zeke throws at her. I can tell Zeke is getting frustrated so he tackles Jade. They rustle around on the ground as Jade dodges the knife while also trying to grab the knife from his hand. 

Zeke slashes the knife one more time but Jade reacts too late and cuts her cheek. Jade clenches her fist and her jaw and punches Zeke. He sits in a daze, unable to react, Jade grabs the knife from him and switches their roles.

Now Zeke is under Jade as she holds the knife in her right hand with a smirk on her face. Zeke smirks as well as his eyes lower to her lower region.

 _‘She's a real beauty, you know,’ he_ says to me.

"You're disgusting,” I reply 

_‘Something happened between you two, correct?'_

_"Correct."_

_'Good to know. I'm glad I got to know what happened. Too bad I wasn't there to see it.'_

_“But you look through my memories."  
_

_'Correct.'_

While Zeke is distracted talking to me Jade goes to stab Zeke. Zeke notices and goes wide-eyed. "Stop!" Levi screams as he grabbed Jade's arm, only an inch from his chest. Suddenly, everything goes black and I don’t end up waking up.

**(Levi's pov)**

"What? Why?" Jade spits.

"That's not the real Eren," I say softly as I stare at the...stranger lying under Jade.

"Bullshit! He looks exactly like him!"

"He doesn't act the same. Eren wouldn't try to kill me. And, Eren has one turquoise eye and one brown eye. Both his eyes aren't brown. I promise you, that's not him. I don't know what's wrong with him. Please just...don't kill him."

"Can I at least tie him up so I can't do anything?" Jade sighs in defeat.

“Yes, just as long as you don't kill him. I'd do anything to get the Eren I know back."

After we tie Eren up he doesn’t speak nor does he try anything. Jade and I pace around the room, trying to figure out what was happening. "Where are you, Eren?" I mumble to myself in worry. I finally start to shake and my head starts pounding. I put my hands to my head and carefully sit down on the couch. 

“Are you okay?" Jade asks me and I nod my head.

"Yeah, I just have a headache."

We pace around the room for another ten minutes or so before Eren starts to speak again. "You're going to regret this," He says darkly.

"Regret what?" Jade asked as she quickly walked up to him.

"Tying me up."

"And why would we regret this?" I ask angrily.

"Because you don't want me tied up. I'm Eren, Levi. I promise. I love you and you love me. We met in the middle of our Senior year. I know so many personal things about you. Ask me anything."

“When is my birthday? Eren and Kenny are the only two people that know my birthday; that are alive, at least."

"December 25th, 2000. You were born 21 years ago."

"What did you give me for my 20th birthday?"

“A dark blue scarf."

"I can't trust you. How do I know that you aren't Zeldalia taking over Eren's brain?"

“I can promise you that I'm not Zeldalia."

"Then just who are you!?" I demand and Jade walks over to me and put a reassuring hand on my shoulder and I calm down. 

"I already told you, I'm Eren. Your boyfriend."

You're not Eren. He wouldn't try to kill me. He wouldn't attack Jade. You are not Eren."

"Just please, let me go. I promise I won't harm you. I had no control over myself. I wasn't the one moving my body."

"Then who was?"

"I...I can't tell you that."

“Was it Zeldalia?"

“I already told you it wasn't!" Eren screams angrily which makes Jade and I flinch. I just noticed that every sentence he spoke his voice got deeper and raspier.

**(Eren's pov)**

I don’t know how long I‘m out, but when I open my eyes I‘m in a different place. This place is all white and there is one person in sight. I can’t see who it is until I start to step closer. The figure turns around and my eyes widen once I see their beautiful smile. I run at full speed towards my mother until I‘m embraced in her warm hug I've missed all these years.

It isn’t like the dream I had where she stabbed me. No, this feels like reality. Of course, it‘s just inside my brain, but why is everything white?

"I've missed you so much, Eren," My mother says as tears are pouring down my face and the same with hers. 

"I missed you, too," I tell her. I stuff my face into her shoulder. We cry and embrace until we pull away. We talk for a while and I realize that she has been watching over me this whole time. "I wish you could've met Levi," I say with a sigh.

“Yeah, me too. He seems like a good man. You chose correctly. I always knew you weren’t interested in girls even as a child. Of course, since I've been looking over you for all these years. I was surprised when I saw that you had started dating Jacquelyn. However, I wasn't as surprised when you two broke up. I saw it coming."

"Yeah, so did I. Plus, we're two years apart."

“Oh, Eren. Age doesn't matter. As long as you love each other dearly and it's mutual, then everything will end up okay."

"I guess. Anyway, where am I?"

“You're in your brain."

"I thought I was already in my brain."

“You're in the light part of your brain. Zeke is weakening. The light in your brain and heart is overpowering the dark. You'll have full control of your body soon. You have to fight back the darkness. You have to fill your brain with lightness once again. Eren, go save your boyfriend and your friend. You don't have much time. I love you. So much."

"I love you, too. Will I ever get to see you again?" 

“Only in your dreams, but of course."

"Okay, I love you."

"I love you. Good luck, my son. I will always be here.”

I shut my eyes softly and try to focus on getting my body and brain back. I feel Zeke fighting back as I groan in pain. However, I still keep trying to get my body back. I‘m feeling dizzy and my head is pounding. I'm not going to last much longer. I only have a limited time until Zeke gets stronger and I get weaker. I feel a soft hand on my shoulder 

Please...lend me the help I need. Help me get out of here. I need to get back to Levi. I need to get back to Jade. I need to get back to my own body. I need to save me and everyone else.

The pain is just getting worse and worse as I scream in pain. Suddenly, everything goes black and I slowly open my eyes. 

I’m in...I‘m in my own body again. I laugh happily as I hear quick rustling from over on the couch and I move my head to the noise. I see Jade and Levi standing up and staring at me with concern. Levi and Jade both have knives in their hands now and they are gripped tightly in their hands 

Levi relaxes once he sees me. "Eren?" He asks as he steps closer. 

"What are you doing?" Jade whispers to Levi.

"Is that...is that really you?" He asks again and I nod my head slightly, my left eye fills with tears. I nod my head erratically as Levi quickly rushes over to me and cups my face in his hands. His eyes are filled with tears.

"I missed you so much," I reply softly, choking on my tears.

"I knew that wasn't you. I knew that there was something-" I cut off Levi with a groan of pain from a pounding head. Suddenly everything goes black again and I‘m back in the black void.

"Fuck!" I scream, pounding the floor with my fist.

‘You're still too weak.'

“But you've also gotten weaker. I can fight back." And that's exactly what I do. I arrive back in my body to see a confused Jade and Levi. 

"It's me, Levi," I say to him and relax. 

"Thank god," He says as he slumps down on the couch.

**~Time Skip~**

“What? I don't ever remember me telling you where we lived?" Levi asks Jade and she shrugs. 

“I have my sources. I guess I just have too many that I think you tell me things you didn't," She replies.

"Jade, you are too much," Levi chuckles.

“But you love me for it."

"I do."

**~One week later~**

It's been a month since the whole Zeke thing and Levi knows everything that happened. We let Jade stay for the past week but she left earlier this morning.

Throughout the week I've been getting I guess these...episodes, where I'm not me and Zeke...is me. I have an idea that I think is going to be the best option.

"Hey...Levi, listen," I say quietly, averting my gaze, not wanting to meet Levi's eyes. Levi and I are sitting on the two chair across the room from each other.

“Yeah, I'm here," He says reassuringly and my eyes already fill with tears.

"I think it'll be best for me to leave...for a while. To go somewhere I can't hurt you. I don't want to hurt you mentally nor physically but I know me leaving might...I don't know...destroy either me or you...maybe even both, who knows. I just...think it's going to be the best for both of us if I leave you alone so I could get rid of this voice, burden, and fear." Levi tenses slightly and his eyes start to fill with tears. Seeing him cry left me no choice but to let the tears fall down my face.

“No, Eren. You can't leave me. Please, don't leave me. I don't want anyone else but you."

"Levi, it's just going to be a break. I'll come back once I figure things out. I'm not breaking up with you I'll just be...away. I don't know where I'm going to go yet, but I promise you I'll stop having these episodes. I've almost killed you another three times in a week. One of these times I'm going to be too weak to stop it. It's going to be the best if I just leave now so it doesn't hurt later. I'm sorry," I whisper my last sentence before gathering my stuff and walking out of the apartment.

Levi doesn’t stop me after what I said and let me walk out the door. He‘s still crying but he isn’t doing anything else. 


	25. Chapter 24

**(Levi's pov)**

Eren left me. I have no clue why. I mean, I do. But I don't. Yes, his reasonings seem...well, reasonable but we could've worked things out. Everything could've turned out okay. I could've helped him. I don't know what I'm going to do alone in this apartment. I have nothing to do. What about college? Is he still going to be going to his classes? I'm so worried about him. Did I do anything to cause this?

_'Yes, this is all your fault.'_

"But how? I didn't do anything. He told me the reason why he left."

_‘How do you know that's how he really felt? How do you know he didn't leave you for someone else? Maybe Jean?'_

_"No, that doesn't make any sense. Jean and Marco are together and he hasn't talked to Jean in over a week."  
_

_'That doesn't mean anything. He still could've left you for him.'_

_"Then what did I do?"_

_‘I don't know, Sweetie. I don't know.'  
_

_"Then don't fucking tell me it's my fault!"_

_‘I'm sorry. I'll let you be. But if you ever wonder what to do, you know what I would tell you to do.'_

_"Thank you."_

I sighed and slump myself further into the couch. I can’t stop thinking about Eren. But if I really think about it, has he ever left my mind? I start to cry again as I stuff my hands in my face. What am I going to do? It hasn't even been ten minutes and I'm already feeling like a pile of shit.

***

I walk into the college building with a black hoodie and black pants with my hands in the hoodie pockets. I take a seat in my first class of the day and look around at all the other people in the class. They are all laughing, smiling, and holding hands if they had a significant other. It makes me feel sick. I miss Eren.

I sigh before sinking into the seat and rub my wrist through the thick...black fabric. Other people start to fill themselves into the classroom. When class starts the professor walks in and gives his boring business lesson as he does every day. I‘m even paying attention half the time.

The class ends and I don’t really feel like going to my other classes so I leave. I get in my car and drive my way back into the apartment. I lock myself in the bathroom and hug my legs tightly against my chest, putting my head on my knees.

_‘He hates you. He left you. You have no reason to be here anymore. He hasn't even been gone a full day and you're already being a depressing shit. How pitiful. I didn't raise you to be like...like this. You're pathetic. You're naive. You're arrogant.'_

_"Then why don't you get the fuck out of my head!?"_

_'I have to protect you.'_

_"I'm fine by myself. I was fine for years while you were gone. I don't need you."_

_'But now that Eren's gone, who are you going to go to now? Who are you going to rant to? Who's going to help you with your problems?'_

"I'll do it all myself. I don't want you here."

‘ _Fine. I'll go for a while. Make sure to keep the promise. You know what would happen if you don't.'_

_“I will."_

I sigh before standing up and looking at myself in the mirror. All I want to see is Eren standing behind me, telling me everything is going to be okay.

I click my tongue before looking down at the ground. _'Make sure to keep the promise. You know what would happen if you don't.'_

My mom's words ring through my head like she‘s here...repeating them over and over.

I do know what's going to happen if I don't do what I promised my mom. She will do something to the one I love most. I know what she's capable of and I can't let anything happen to Eren.

So, I grab a razor from one of the drawers that I know Eren has. I don’t want to say anything to him because then we would start fighting. I hate fighting with Eren. However, I do know that he wouldn't ever use them. They‘re there just in case and I understand why. I did that a lot, too.

I lift up my sleeve to see the cuts from last night. I click my tongue at my stupidity. I listened to my mom because I thought she knew what was best for me. I was wrong.

I press the corner of the razor on my skin. I hesitate before closing my eyes and slightly press harder, breaking my skin. It hurts at first, but then once I do one cut, it‘s like all my pain had just washed away and satisfaction substituted in its place. It feels so calming and so full of relief.

I love it.

Every cut I do tonight.

***

_"How are things with you? Like, are you okay, and everything?" I ask Eren.  
_

_Eren looks down at his wrist and starts rubbing it before answering, "Yeah. I'm okay," He finally answers.  
_

_"Liar," I say, rolling my eyes.  
_

_"Am not!"_

_"Tch, he's such a damn child," I think. "Fine then," I say as I tackle Eren onto the bed. I hold his arms above his head with one of my hands as the other is placed on the left side of his head. My left knee is on the outside of his right knee and my right knee is in between his legs. I put my face close to his so we‘re almost kissing. _

_I see him flinch and shut his eyes tightly, "L-Levi what are you...?" He asks as I slide down his sleeve to reveal many cuts, and not to mention fresh, bruises, burns, and scars. I stare at it wide-eyed, "Stop!" Eren yells as he shoves me off him, pulling his sleeve back down._

_I sit on the edge of the bed in shock, "I-I'm sorry...I went too far. I should go," I SAy as I quickly get up and run out of his house. I run down the street, not stopping...trying to get back to my house. "You're so stupid!" I yell to myself as I run. I can't believe I just did that. He hates me. He's mad at me. He's going to stop associating with me. I'm so stupid, I'm so stupid, I'm so...fucking...stupid._

_I try to cut through some lawns to get to my house faster. I try to jump over the fence that is between my neighbor's lawn and mine, when my foot gets caught on the top of the fence. My body flings forward and I hit my head on the fence. I groan in pain before my vision blurs and everything goes black.  
_

_When I wake up, I‘m laying in my front lawn, my back on the ground and my face towards the sky. I groan as I sit up. I put my hands to my head once my head starts pounding. I stand slowly and straighten myself out. My vision blurs slightly and I loose balanced before my vision goes back to normal and I slowly balance myself._

_I walk inside my house slowly. I sit myself down on the couch and press my hands against my head. A thought runs through my head and I slowly stand myself up. I walk over to the bathroom and rummage through the drawers. I haven't done this in years.  
_

_I turn on the shower before undressing. I slowly bring the razor to my thigh where no one can see. "This is for hurting you, Eren," I mumble to myself before slicing my skin. I clean off the razor before putting it back and doing something about my cut. "Every time I hurt you...I will hurt myself."_

***

**~One month time skip~**

I wake up and slowly got dressed for college. I don’t know why I‘m going, or if I'll make it through the day. I wrap my wrist in a bandage before pulling down my long sleeve and walk down to my car. When I‘m walking down the stairs from the complex I run into Erwin and Hanji. "Oh, hey," I tell them as I walk past and they suddenly stop at my voice.

"Hey. We have a question," Erwin tells me.

"What...what do you need?" I ask in worry.

"How's Eren? How has he been lately? We saw him around on the streets earlier. I didn't even notice it was him until Hanji pointed it out. His hood was over his face so I didn't recognize it was him. But, when Hanji pointed him out I noticed how different he looked. He looked slightly more mature...yet beat up. He looked like he was suffering." I freeze. I start shaking. My head starts pounding. My eyes start to fill with tears. "Hey, Levi, what's up? What's wrong? What happened to Eren? Is he okay? What happened between you guys?"

"W-well, Eren left me a while ago and I don't know where he went. I didn't know why he left. We're not broken up...I think. That's what he told me, at least. I haven't seen him in a little over a month."

"What happened between you guys?"

“He uh...tried to kill me...four times."

"What the fuck, Levi!?" Hanji screeches at me, making me flinch. "You never told us about this!? We're best friends!!"

"I beg to differ," I chuckle softly.

"We need to know what happened. Hanji's a doctor. Maybe she can help?"

"Well...I don't think that you’ll be able to help. Your a doctor, not a psychiatrist," I chuckle again, rubbing the back of my neck with my hand. 

“That doesn’t matter right now. Just tell us what happened,” Hanji chimes in.

“Well...I don’t...actually know what happened,” I chuckle.

"How do you not know what happened?"

"It's a mystery to us. Even to Eren. He seemed confused when he left me. I don't really...know how to explain it. He said something was taking control of his body and of his mind. It wasn't Eren that was trying to kill me. I don't exactly...know who or what is in his brain."

“A parasite, maybe?" Hanji says with her chin in between her thumb and her pointer finger.

"No. He said it was a person. A real person."

"A deal with the devil..."

"What?"

"Well when you die, you either go to Hell or Heaven. The people that go to Hell to serve for the Devil...for Lucifer. Some people serve him down in Hell. Some people serve him with death and killings. And the others that don't finish their jobs or do what they want him to do, get tortured. It's just...interesting to me. I can't believe Eren is going through this. Do you know who it is?"

"The first person I thought of was this girl Zeldalia, but then he told me that it wasn't her and it was someone else. But, he didn't tell me who it was. I don't know why...he just couldn't. He didn't tell me why."

"We have to find him," Erwin chimes in before Hanji can say anything. 

"No, it's fine. It's okay. If he left, then I think he wouldn't want anyone to go after him or anything. Eren can be out on his own if he wants. He can come back when he's ready."

"Are you sure?"

“Yeah, I'm sure. Thank you, though. It was nice seeing you guys again." I walk off before getting into my car on the way to college. When I reach there, everyone stares at me like they do every day. 

"Where's Eren?" I hear from behind me.

“He's not here."

"Well, no shit. Where is he?" 

"He's gone, Jean. Why the fuck does it matter so much to you?"

"Because I..."

"You...you still love him, don't you?"

"I...I do..."


	26. Chapter 25

**(Levi's pov)**

“Can you...just back the fuck off? Eren doesn't like you. Eren is gone anyway. He's probably never coming back. Just fuck off, okay!? Eren wouldn't want to be with you anyway! He probably doesn't even love me," I tell Jean, lashing out at him.

“Jesus Christ! What the hell has gotten into you, Levi!? You wouldn't act like this if Eren was still with you! You can't do anything without him! You can't do shit! You need to start acting for yourself! Or...is Eren like your little boy toy that-"

I cut Jean off by punching him in the jaw, making him stumble backwards and hold it. He stares me in the eyes as he expression goes dark. He clenches his fist and swings it at me. I duck, dodging his punch before punching him again. This time, on his cheek, making the skin break. "You fucking psycho!" Jean yells at me and I freeze. I remember Eren feeling so insecure about going insane or me thinking that he's a psychotic murderous...asshole. 

"Don't you ever talk about Eren like that. And I mean ever! Leave us the fuck alone!" I scream, walking out of the college building once again. I put my hood up and quickly make it back to the apartment. 

**~Three...maybe four months later?~**

I‘m sitting on our bed in the apartment. I‘m crying. I didn't know why. I haven't cried in a couple months. I stopped crying after a while because I accepted the faith of Eren being gone. 

I stand and make my way over to the bathroom and lock myself inside it. I lean against the door before sliding down against it. I hug my legs tightly against my body and put my forehead on my knees. 

I sigh and stand back up before looking in the mirror at myself. I have bags under my eyes from the lack of sleep. My eyes are bloodshot from crying. I’m paler than usual that you can see my veins. My hair is greasy, dirty, and unbrushed. My lips are chapped and light in color. I look like a fucking mess.

I rummage through the drawers and grab one of the razors. I close the toilet seat before sitting on it and setting my elbow on my thigh and extend my wrist with my palm facing upwards.

I stare at my wrist for a while, studying all the scars from when I used to cut, and all the cuts that I have from cutting for the past few months.

I stopped going to college because I lost all motivation to do anything at all. My grades have been dropping and my self-esteem is getting lower, along with my happiness. Where are you, Eren? Please, come back. Am I not good enough for you?

And with that last thought, I slice my skin with the razor. Satisfaction comes over me. I feel so calm and so safe when I do this. Every thought that came into my head about why Eren left, I cut deeper and deeper until I don’t have the energy to do anymore. 

***

I walk down the streets to calm myself down and to clear my head after cutting. I‘m shivering, as it is December now and it's been snowing for days.

I‘m making my way to go to the cafe when I stop after sensing something...someone. I raise my eyes from the floor to see Eren across the street. He‘s wearing a black hoodie and black skinny jeans with black shoes. He glances over at me and makes eye contact for a split second before widening his eyes. He quickly looks away and puts up his hood. 

A pang of hurt hits my chest. My heart drops. Butterflies of sadness fills inside me. He's still been living here for so long yet hasn't come to see me at all. He looks like a mess...like he hasn't showered in months.

Where is he even staying? Why am I only now seeing him after people have kept coming up to me, telling me that they've seen him around but never with me anymore? Why is it just me?

I don’t see much, but Eren's eye is dull with no sign of love or life in it. It‘s filled with guilt and sadness. I‘m only able to see one eye, but I can tell that has bags under his eyes and even in his sweater since it‘s a little tight, he‘s skinnier than when I last saw him. How could he wear something so thin? I'm not even sure he has a place to stay anymore.

I turn back around, not wanting to go to the cafe anymore. I don’t feel like it after seeing Eren. But, I swear I had sensed someone else.

***

I arrive back at the apartment before putting myself on the bed. I take off my sweatshirt to reveal my bloodstained bandage. I hear a noise in the front room like someone had opened and closed the door. I turn around in slight fear before brushing it off and turning back to my wrist. I grab the edge of the bandage before slowly unwrapping my wrist.

Suddenly, I feel two arms go around my chest, the person's hands clenching against my shoulders. One person comes to mind until I look down at their arms. They are more muscular and white than Eren's are, so I knew it wasn't him, but I do know who it is. "What are you doing here, Jayden?" I ask him as he grab my wrist and stare at it, ignoring my question.

He sends soft kisses up and down my wrist. "Why would you hurt yourself like this?" He cooes against my wrist. He kisses each and every individual cut. My body shivers after every kiss. Dare I say...I missed? "I've missed you so much, Levi. I'm glad that the other's one is gone," He cooes again before moving up to my neck.

"Please stop," I beg, but don’t do anything.

"Why don't you stop me?" He says against my neck as he reaches my sweet spot that Eren was never able to get to. I moan slightly before averting my gaze.

"I-" He cuts me off by pressing by pressing his lips against mine. My eyes widen in shock but then they subconsciously make their way shut and I kiss him back. Our lips move in unison. My arms reluctantly make their way around Jayden's neck, pulling him closer which makes the kisses more forceful. He forces me down onto the bed before taking off his shirt, showing the abs that he has.

He cups my face in one of his hands as he has one hand on the right side, keeping him balanced. We both moan softly as he moves the hand that is on my face down to my V-line and slips his hand under the waistband, rubbing my erection through the fabric of my underwear.

"Hey, Levi, Happy Birth...day..." Eren fades off from the doorway and my eyes widen before I shove Jayden off and sit up straight on the bed. When I see Eren, his eyes are both turquoise until it slowly fades its way brown. Tears fill his turquoise eye before he drops the bag that he had in his hand. "So this is what you do when I'm gone," He slightly chuckles before grabbing something out of his pocket. It’s a piece of paper and I assume it‘s a letter. He stares at it before throwing at me and walking out of the apartment. I slowly open the letter.

"Dear Levi,

I'm so sorry I left you months ago. I just needed to figure things out with my sanity and shit like that. I didn't want to leave you but I felt as though it was the greatest thing for the both of us. I mean, I tried to kill you multiple times and I was afraid that I could've tried to hurt you again. I wanted to come back a little over a month ago because that was when things got figured out. It took me a few months to figure things out and how to get rid of him. Him as in Zeke. I never told you his name or who he was to me. Zeke is my step-brother. Apparently, when my dad left he found this woman named Dina and had a child that they named Zeke before Zeke killed himself and his mother. He ran a car into his mother's car, killing them both. Anyway, I wanted to come back over a month ago but I was staying with Hanji and Erwin for a while. A few months ago they found me walking on the streets and asked me what happened between us. I told them everything but nothing about trying to kill you. I was talking to Erwin about it and he thought I should surprise you on your 22nd birthday. He was right. I don't know what to say or how to say it. But, I love you so much. These months without you were a living Hell and I had no clue how to spend them. The first week or two I was wondering around the streets with nothing more than a few dollars in my pockets.

Levi, you don't understand how much I love you and how grateful I am for you. I really don't deserve you and I'm just a burden and a nuisance to you. But, I still love you with all my heart and you never left my mind. I just want to tell you now so that we don't get in a fight about it later, but I did cut while I was away from you. Every day. Every day without you was a day that I wanted to hurt myself for leaving you. Not only did it hurt you, but it hurt me, too. Levi, I don't ever want to leave your side again. Until death do us part...right? 

I love you, Levi. So much that I can't keep it all inside.

~Eren.

Tears start to fall down my face as I close the letter and grab the small black bag he was holding. I open it and take out the small paper things you put in presents and stuff to reveal a white cravat.

My eyes widen once I realize that it‘s the one that I saw in a store three years ago. I always told him how I would've loved to have one of those things with me. I didn't know he would actually get it for me.

I quickly drop the bag before putting on the sweatshirt I had on earlier. I run out of the apartment and after Eren, leaving Jayden in my room. I make my way down the stairs to see no Eren.

I quickly make my way to the place I thought Eren would be. I reach the cafe and walk inside and sure enough, Eren is there at the back table that the two of us always sit at. He‘s already sipping on a cookie dough milkshake. 


	27. Chapter 26

**(Levi's pov)**

Eren looks up at the door and makes eye contact with me but then quickly looks down, not wanting to meet my stare. I walk over to the table and sit in front of him. "Hey," I say quietly. "I'm glad your back," I say with a small smile.

“Well, it kind of looks like you were having a fun time without me," He says coldly, looking up at me with an ugly glare. Erwin is right, he has matured more, but it‘s probably more than when he told me about him the last time I saw him.

"I know, and I'm sorry. I didn't know you'd be back," I reply, looking down at the table. When I'm around Eren now, I get this...scared feeling. He's definitely different than before. Is it Zeke's fault?

"Just because you didn't think I'd be back doesn't mean you can go off and fuck some other dude!" Eren says loudly. Maybe a little too loud, grabbing the attention of the people around us. Eren lowers his voice, "Seriously, Levi. Did you forget the part where I told you that I was coming back? That I wasn't breaking up with you?"

"No...I didn't...I just was caught up in the moment."

"What 'moment'?" I don’t reply as I look away from him. "He hasn't been there before then, has he?" He asks, more worry filling his tone.

"No, he hasn't. He...I don't know why he's here. I was...checking something when he walked into the bedroom."

"What were you checking?" I don’t answer as I look down at the table at my wrist. "Levi," Eren says in worry, putting a hand on one of mine. I look up to him and he gives me a heartwarming smile. I blush slightly before replying to him...well, I don’t really 'reply' to him. I lift up my sleeve to reveal my cuts. His expression saddens. "Holy shit, Levi. How long?"

"The uh...night you left."

"This...this long? I...I don't know what to say. I'm so sorry."

"Let me see your wrist." Eren tenses slightly. "Please, I showed you mine," I plead and he sighs after a few seconds of silence. He lifts up his sleeve to reveal what I see on mine. I grab his arm. He flinches slightly and I mumble an apology before kissing his wrist softly. I look up from his wrist to see him with a confused look on his face.

"What are you doing?" He asks, slowly pulling out his wrist from my grasp.

"I...I don't-I'm sorry," I reply, quickly standing and walking out of the café. "What a great birthday," I mumble to myself as I sit down on the bench where Eren and I confessed.

***

_"Hey, Armin, do you know where Eren is? I can't find him anywhere," I ask the blond headed boy.  
_

_“He might be outside. He goes out there a lot to think," Armin replies. "But, Jean recently wanted to find him so I would hurry," He continues and I quickly make my way outside. When I get there, I see Jean punching Eren and Eren not fighting back._

_I sprint over to them, tackling Jean, resulting in both of us rolling around on the ground. I end up on top of him as I punch Jean and Jean struggles to dodge my punches. "Levi! Stop!" I hear Eren cry out but I ignore it. I‘m too mad. I don’t stop. I see Eren stand from the corner of my eye. "Levi, I said to stop!" He continues and I still don’t stop. I want to get my revenge. Eren walks over to me and tries to pry me off of Jean. "Levi! Listen to me, I said to stop!!" I turn my head towards Eren and instantly stop when I see the fear in his eyes. I can’t believe I was scaring him like this._

_When I‘s distracted, Jean uses it as an advantage to push me off of him and stand with a blood-drenched face. "You're both going to regret this," He says before he walks away._

_I watch Jean walk away and then turn and run over to Eren. "Eren, are you okay??" I ask Eren, checking all the bruises Jean made on his face._

_"Yes, Levi, I'm okay," Eren tells me as he softly grabs my hands that are on his face and takes them off._

_"How're your ribs?" I ask, pulling up his shirt. He‘s skinny, which I‘m slightly confused about because I had just seen him eat a couple days ago. I don’t really understand much of it, but I‘m still worried. I can see his ribs. He‘s basically like a skeleton._

_He quickly pulls down his shirt, "they're fine," He says as he blushes from embarrassment._

_"Eren..." I start._

_"I know what you're going to say, Levi. I'm not going to start eating."_

_"Eren, you're unhealthy. You need to eat, please. For me."_

_"Only for you, Levi."_

_"How about this, we skip the last two periods and I take you out to get a milkshake?"_

_Eren weakly smiles. "I'd love that."_

***

I smile weakly at the thought of Eren's smiles. I always did love them and would always think of them when I'm not feeling the greatest. Usually, that works but they haven't lately since he's been gone. 

I fiddle with my hands as I watch them intensely. I sigh, not knowing why I ran from Eren. Honestly, I‘m confused, too. I didn't know what to do at that moment or how to react when I saw Eren's wrist. I can't bear to see him like that. I hate seeing him like that. That was the only way that I thought could've helped, but...I think I only made it worse.

I‘m still playing with my hands. "Hey," I hear my favorite voice say. I perk my head up to see my favorite person, walking up to the bench. This is when I realize that he has gotten taller, about 5'11. He sits next to me, our shoulders almost touching.

"Hey," I say softly, looking away from him and down to my hands.

"I knew you would be here. Are you okay? I'm sorry for lashing out on you. I was just hurt."

"I know, Eren, and I...I don't blame you. I would be hurt if I were in that situation. This is all on me. I understand that you just wanted to surprise me for my birthday and I am grateful for that. I just...you left me."

"I know, Levi. I'm sorry about that, too, but I needed time to get myself figured out."

"But what if when you were there, you realized you didn't want me anymore? Or what if you met someone else and started to fall in love with them," My voice shakes. I was genuinely afraid of what would’ve happened in that type of situation.

Eren grabs my head and forces it down onto his shoulder. The tears I was trying to keep back start to soak his shirt. 

"That never would've happened because I isolated myself. I've rarely been outside and if I ever did go outside, it was a short walk around town. It wasn't that often and I didn't meet any new people. Nothing would ever make me lose feelings for you. You're my everything. I came back for a reason. I wanted to be with you again and I chose this day because I know it's not that special to you but maybe I can...make it special?"

"Why are you suddenly acting like this towards me. The way you were acting earlier was fine. It was the right way to act. Your boyfriend was kind of making out with the guy that used you to get to me in our bedroom after being gone for months. I understand why you're feeling this way. You don't have to act like you're not mad at me."

"You're right. I don't have to act like I'm not mad at you. We both know that I'm incredibly pissed at you but your feelings and our relationship are more important than mine to me. I want you to be happy and I want our relationship to be healthy." I pull away from him and cup his face in my hand.

"Thank you, Eren. It really means a lot but you need to know that I'm the same way. I don't give a shit about my feelings so if you're mad at me, I promise I won't ruin our relationship. Distance yourself from me for a while again. Even if it's just for a day. You can still be in the apartment but just away from me. Does that seem fair to you?"

I give him the biggest smile I can summon at the moment. His eyes sadden very insignificantly but he unenthusiastically agrees. He rises and walks back to the apartment.

I shove my face in my hands, attempting to alleviate some stress and forget some emotions. "So you and your boyfriend got in a little fight, huh?" I hear the smooth British voice call from a distance. I look up deliberately to see Jayden leaning upon a tree opposite of the bench. Once we make eye-contact he pushes himself off the tree and commences to walk towards me.

“What are you doing here, anyway?" I question him, genuinely inquiring.

“Well, I had only recently heard that Eren had left you and I came to make you mine again. I have missed you, you know. All these years of not having you. I even had to pretend to be in love with Eren for a while. That was a nightmare. He's a handful. I don't know how you can put up with him. He's too much for me. He has the looks, though. He really is a good-looking guy. You chose right with looks, just not so much personality wise. I'm sorry that I'm saying all these things about him, but you have to start thinking about your future," Jayden says, the last sentence being full of sexual attraction. He leans closer to me, our lips a couple inches apart. 

I look away from him and that‘s when I lose my dominance and he presses his lips against mine. It feels...not nice, but not necessarily terrible. His kisses are different than Eren's. His whole attitude is different than Eren's.

My eyes slowly make their way shut. He puts his arm around my side so his hand is on my back. Our lips start moving in unison for a split second until I deliberately stand, breaking the kiss. "I'm sorry, I can't. This is wrong," I reply, quickly making my way back to the apartment. 


	28. Chapter 27

**(Levi's pov)**

I arrive back at the apartment to see Eren in the front room. He‘s eating popcorn and watching a movie I have never seen before. "Are you hungry?" I ask him.

"Only a little," He replies softly.

"What do you want?" I ask, rummaging through the kitchen cupboards.

"Just something small. A sandwich, maybe?"

"I could make that," I say before going to the fridge and grab everything I need. Once I finish his sandwich, I set it down in front of him and sit a fair distance away from him on the couch.

"Aren't you going to eat?" He asks, taking a bite of his sandwich.

"No, I'm not hungry," I reply, averting my eyes. It isn’t a total lie, I've just lost my appetite. I rarely eat, probably about one to two times a week now.

"Levi," Eren says softly, scooting slightly closer to me.

"I told you that I wasn't hungry. Can't you just let it go?"

"Levi, I'm not mad at you. I was for a little while until I realized that I deserved it. I left you when you didn't want me to leave and it's been months. I'm so sorry and I'm just glad to know that you're okay and didn't kill yourself while I was gone. I'm not saying that you should've been cutting, but it's probably better than just ending it all anyway. I love you, Levi. Not Jean, not Jayden, not Jacob, and not Jacquelyn. You are who I want. You are who I came back for. I don't care about anyone else right now. All I care about is you...about us."

I smile weakly and blush at Eren's words. I know he said those things a lot when he was still here, but after he's been gone for such a long time, I‘m not used to it anymore. "I love you, too. I thought you weren't ever going to come back. I missed you so much and you just happened to come at a bad time. I'm sorry and I shouldn't have done that to you. That was a dick move and I'm so sorry I hurt you. I don't ever want to do that to you again. I know that you forgive me but are you sure? We can still talk it out," I reply.

"I think we just did," He says with a smile and pushes his lips against mine. My hand that is on the couch moves up to his face. I cup it in my hand and we pull away.

My hand lingers in his face for a moment before he gives me another smile. I've been longing almost six months for a kiss from him and I finally got it. I smile back at him, which I rarely do now.

When Eren wsd still here I would do it all the time but then I stopped. Now, I'm glad it's coming back to me. I'm glad that he's here with me again. I don't ever want to lose him again.

***

I wake up the next morning with my head stuffed into Eren's chest and his arms cradled around me. We have no clothing and. Eren opens his beautiful turquoise eyes and meet with my dead steel-blue eyes. I take my hand and tuck his brown semi-long hair behind his ear. "Morning Handsome," I say tiredly.

“Morning," He says with a smile.

"It's your first day back in college today, right?" I ask him.

"Yeah. Kind of nervous, kind of excited. It's been a while since I've seen Jean and Marco." My mood darkens, remembering the day when Jean told me he‘s still in love with Eren. "Levi? Are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm okay. Let's just...get ready. You don't need to worry about it."

"Okay, if you need to talk about it, just...let me know and I'll try my hardest to help you."

"Thank you." I kiss him on the lips before going into the bedroom and changing. I change into a plain white-T with a black leather jacket. I wear black ripped skinny jeans with leather ankle boots.

Eren wears a plain white-T like mine but with a dark blue jean jacket that is rolled up to his forearm. He wears black skinny jeans also like mine, but without the rips with white high-top converse.

We get into my car after gathering the things we need and head our way over. We walk in and are immediately met with stares. I haven't gone to college in five months and Eren hasn't gone to college in almost six.

From the corner of my eye, I see Jean eyeing Eren as he leans against a locker. I turn to him and send him a glare. He glances away and Eren looks over at me. He looks behind him and meets eye contact with Jean. He smiles slightly and turns around before walking over to him. I make a clicking noise with my tongue as I follow.

**(Eren's pov)**

"Hey," I say to Jean, awkwardly, scratching the back of my neck. Mine and Levi's eyes widen but are too slow to react as Jean punches me in the jaw, making me stumble backwards. I put a hand to my jaw and look up to Jean in confusion. "What the hell!?" I exclaim.

"Where the fuck have you been!?" Jean yelled back at me.

"That's none of your business. I can do whatever the fuck I want and go wherever the fuck I want without telling you," I snap. I honestly didn't want to be a jerk to him.

**(Jean's pov)**

"What the hell happened to you?" I ask Eren. 

"Nothing happened to me, Jean," Eren says with a roll of his eyes.

“What do you mean, 'nothing happened.'? Something had obviously happened to you. You're more mature than the last time I saw you. You intimidate you and I don't even know why because you won't tell me. I'm supposed to be your best friend, Eren. But, right now it just doesn't seem like it. Why aren't you telling me things that I want you to tell me? Why aren't you telling me things that you usually would tell me? What happened? Please, tell me," I beg.

"In all honesty, I don't even know. I haven't been really...myself for the past six months or so. I've been out of town. I stayed with Hanji and Erwin for a while but that's about it. Nothing really happened in between that time." I know Eren is lying. He does this thing where he plays with his hands when he lies.

“You don't have to lie to me, Eren. I know you probably more than you know yourself. You're lying to me. What happened?" Eren sighs in defeat.

"I just needed an escape from everything. I left Levi and everyone else for a while because like I said, I just needed an escape from everything. I needed some time to think," He says silently. Levi idly stands by but listens closely.

"And that took you six fucking months!?" I snap.

"Jean...there are things that I cannot explain. There are things that I don't know how to explain. There are too many things that will make you hate me and I don't want that."

"I won't ever hate you, Eren." Levi tenses slightly and his glare grows darker. I ignore it. I have to tell him at some point.

"Why? Why is that? I have done nothing but hurt and lie to you. You have every reason to."

"I just...can't. I can't ever hate you."

"I need a reason! There's a reason for-"

"-It's because I'm still in love with you!" I call out. Eren freezes and tenses but something else happens. I can't really explain it, but it was like he had been...waiting for me to say that. But, I already know that that's not the case. He wouldn't ever love me back and I know that for sure because I know the way he looks at Levi. I know the way he acts around him. I know he still loves him because I know that's how he used to look at me. I noticed everything that he did and I eventually caught on but then once I found out, I had no clue how to act.

**(Eren's pov)**

"Jean, I...I'm sorry but I can't return those feelings. I'm sure you already know that, but I love Levi. You had your chance and you fucked that up. If you had told me how you felt instead of making my life a living Hell about it, maybe we could've lived happily together. Maybe we could've lived a happy ending but we may never know. Stay with Marco. He's the perfect one for you," I say to Jean.

Honestly, it's not like I've been waiting for him to say that but I have. Not for me to tell him that I love him back, but to reject him. I’ve been wanting to do that for so long and now that I have, it feels so good.

Jean's expression goes dark and his glare is fixed on the ground. "Marco...Marco is no longer with us. He...passed away while you were gone. He got severely sick and died peacefully in his sleep. I can't stay with Marco," Jean says and my eyes widen. My eye flickers the brown that it used to be. 

"Fuck," I mutters and Jean looks at me in confusion. 

"What's up with your eye? What happened? By the way, why is it back to turquoise?"

"Well-"

"-I think you've had enough questions for now...or always," Levi interrupts me. I look over at him to see a fierce glare on Jean. He turns to me and it softens. "Let's go, Eren. Please," Levi pleads. I take his hand in mine and walk away to our first class.

The rest of the day is...what I thought it was going to be. People asking me where I've been and me just telling them that I‘ve been staying with my parents for a while.

I really hate not being able to tell anyone about anything. I don’t really...know what to do anymore. I‘m kind of just numb inside anyway so I don't know what to do anyway. I don't know how to act, I guess.

We arrive back at our apartment when we see Jayden sitting in our front room. "What are you doing here?" I ask.

"I should be asking you the same question. Where have you been? Why were you gone for so long? Why were you hurting Levi for so long? I actually did need to talk to you, though. Do you mind if I steal him for a while?" Jayden asks Levi and he nods his head slowly. 

"You have ten minutes," Levi says as he walks out of the apartment.

Jayden stands closer to me, our faces inches apart. "You don't deserve him, you know. I'm the one who does. You're just the piece of shit who can't do anything right and who leaves his boyfriend for his own needs. Levi was in so much pain because of you and it took you six whole months to come back. You have no clue how much he was hurting while you were gone. You were killing him inside. You shouldn't be here. You should be gone. 

"Levi doesn't want you here. He doesn't want you. You ruined his life and nothing can change that. You don't deserve him in the slightest. Why did you even come back? What did you expect? Did you want him to jump right back into your arms and expect everything to go back to normal? That's probably the lowest thing you've ever done," Jayden says in a dark tone and takes a step back. "You should leave while you can or you're going to regret it," he finishes before turning on his heel and walks out if the apartment.

Soon after, Levi walks back into the room. "What'd he say to you? Why did he need you and why did it have to be just you two alone?" He asks and I blush slightly at his over-protectiveness. I missed it. But, I tell him what happened. "Fucking bastard!" Levi yells, making me flinch.

"I'm sorry I hurt you. I wasn't thinking," I say quietly.

“You didn't. We were both hurting. We didn't know what to do. We didn't know how things were going to turn out. It was probably for the best that we got separated from each other for a little while. You came back and that's all that matters to me. I don't want anything from you but your body and your love. That's all I want."

I sigh in defeat and don’t say anything. I don’t know what to say. So, I kiss him. That's all I think about what I‘m able to do. "I missed you...so much," I finally reply after I pull away.

"I missed you, too," He says before wrapping me in his arms.


	29. Chapter 28

**(Eren's pov when he left Levi)**

I walk out onto the streets after leaving the apartment. All I have is a bag slung around my shoulder full of the belongings I thought I would need. I don’t really know where I‘m going, but I know it‘s away from everything. I'm too much of a monster to be around people. It gets me too nervous.

_‘Why won't you let me in?'_

"Why the hell would I let you in? You almost ruined my life."

_‘Keyword...'almost'.'_

"But then you'll try to do it again."

_'With what? How? How am I going to ruin your life? You left the people you care the most for. You have nothing. No one. You're alone again. How am I supposed to ruin your life if you have nothing to ruin?'_

"That means nothing to me. I don't care what I did all I care is about what you're going to do. I don't care if I'm alone. If it keeps the love of my life safe, then I'm happy. That's all I want."

_‘Tch. I'll find a way. I have before.'_

***

I walk past a store with a display case window. I stop in front of it and look at my reflection. My eyes widen.

I quickly put my hood over my face so even I won’t be able to see it. I put my head towards the ground and my hands in my pockets.

I don’t really know what to do about what I just saw, but I can't get the vision out of my head. I'm glad I left when I did because it's only been about a week. Who knows what could've happened to Levi? Who knows how scared he would be? Even I'm terrified.

I turn around the corner into an alley-way that I've grown quite fond of. I lean against the wall when I hear a familiar voice. I quietly make my way over to where the alley-way and sidewalk meet. I peer around the corner to see the last person I want to see: Jayden.

I quickly grab my bag and walk out of the alleyway, hoping Jayden won’t know it was me. "Eren?" I hear him say. I ignore it and walk faster. I feel a hand on my shoulder and spin me around. It causes my hood to fall off.

My eyes widen and so do Jayden's. I quickly put my hood back up and try to spin around when he grabs my wrist. "Let me go," I say raspily. 

“I want to help you," He says. 

"What's the point? I'm just a piece of trash anyway, right?" He freezes but then starts to laugh. "You psychotic bastard," I mutter before forcing my hand out of his grasp.

"Yeah, I'm the psychotic one," He mutters. I clench my fist and turns around to hit him but he grabs my wrist, my fist barely even two inches from his face. "Ah ah ah, I don't think so. You know I'm much stronger than you and you know I can make your life a living Hell. By the way, where's Levi? Did you leave him? No, he left you. That would be the most believable-"

"-Can't you ever just shut the fuck up!? No, Levi did not leave me nor did I leave Levi. I mean, technically I did, but I didn't break up with him. We're still together and I just need time. Fuck off, okay?" I pull my hand out of his grasp again and turn around, picking up the bag that I had dropped when trying to punch Jayden and walk off. "Fuck you, Jayden," I mumble one last time. Jayden chuckles and walks in the direction he came from.

**(Jayden's pov)**

I walk out of my bedroom and into the bathroom. I look at my reflection in the mirror to see my brown hair fading black, starting at the roots. My bright blue eyes are red, and my white skin is fading to a tan skin tone. I roll my eyes while sighing and rummage through my drawers. 

I stare at the mirror and my hair fades brown. I grab the bright blue contacts from where I usually keep them and put them over my bright red ones. I take the makeup that I also keep with me and make my tannish skin tone into the white skin tone everyone knows me by. I ho back into my room to change into more fitting clothing to where I need to go. 

I walk out of the place I live in the human world and end up in some other place that is not the human world. "Tsk, he's late," I mumble to myself. I wait five more minutes and then he finally appears. "Took you long enough," I growl at him.

“Why did you need me?" He asks me.

"Ah yes, how is it going with Eren?" 

"It's going well, I suppose. He isn't really falling for any of my tricks anymore after that incident."

"Well, you have to try harder. I need him to be ready for when I need him. Okay, Zeke?"

"I'll try to get him ready as fast as I can...Your Highness."

And with these words, Zeke disappears and I do the same. I arrive back in the human world and take off the clothing I had on before.

The clothing I have on are red and tight knee-high, heeled, leather boots, tight back dress pants, a dark blue jacket with a white stripe down the middle and six red has along the white part. The right shoulder had one of those frilly shoulder pad things and a turtleneck cape thing that is only on one side of my body, starting from the left shoulder. The underpart of the cape is red while the upper part of the cape is black. It gets topped off with white gloves and a red and white sash.

I change into more human world clothing. I wear a white undershirt with a black and white flannel on top of it. I wear black skinny jeans with white Adidas shoes. I grab what the human world called a 'phone' and put it in my back pocket. 

Where I'm from, we don't use a phone. I didn't even know what they were until I first came here years ago; When I first started dating Levi.

I walk out the front door and out onto the streets. I‘m walking down the sidewalk, talking on the phone when I see Eren quickly walk out of the alley-way that is nearby. 

He has his hood up and his longish brown hair flows slightly. "Eren?" I call out to him. He starts to walk faster and I quickly walk up to him and put a hand on his shoulder. I spin him around, causing his hood to fall off and reveal his eyes. My eyes widen at what I see.

Not only is he fucking beautiful, but the sclera of his right eye is black and the Iris is a bright red while the pupil was a slightly darker red. _"He really is the one,"_ I think. _"Huh, you were right."_

He quickly puts his hood back up and tries to turn around and walk when I quickly grab his wrist. "Let me go," He says raspily and angrily.

"I want to help you," I tell him. I‘m not technically lying, but I only want to help him out for one reason. And that reason is to benefit me, not him.

"What's the point? I'm just a piece of trash anyway, right?" I freeze. Oh my God, he heard all that, didn't he? He was the presence I was feeling, wasn't it? I start to laugh. He really is the one. "You psychotic bastard," He mutters before forcing his hand out of my loosened grasp.

"Yeah, I'm the psychotic one," I mutter, knowing literally everything he has done that has been at least...somewhat worse than what I have done. I see his fist clench as he turns around to hit me, but I grab my wrist mid-punch, two inches from my face. "Ah ah ah, I don't think so. You know I'm much stronger than you and you know I can make your life a living Hell. By the way, where's Levi? Did you leave him? No, he left you. That would be the most believable-"

"-Can't you ever just shut the fuck up!? No, Levi did not leave me nor did I leave Levi. I mean, technically I did, but I didn't break up with him. We're still together and I just need time. Fuck off, okay?" He pulls my hand out of my once again, loosened grasp, and turns around, picking up the bag that he dropped and walks off. "Fuck you, Jayden," He mumbles one last time. I chuckle and walk back in the direction that I originally came from. 

"There's so much everybody needs to catch up on. I can't believe it. Why Eren? Well, I guess Eren isn't all that bad. He could do," I mumble. 


End file.
